Styleforum › Forums › Lifestyle › Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel › How to deal problems with an ex-girlfriend when you both want to remain friends.
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

How to deal problems with an ex-girlfriend when you both want to remain friends.

post #1 of 25
8/3/10 at 11:38pm
Thread Starter 
So I was going out with a girl for about 4 months. After realizing that things would never workout as a couple in the longrun, we broke up. We still talk a lot and hangout but we end up messing around sometimes. She regrets it a lot afterward because she wants to move on and usually ignores me for a day or two.
Last week, I started talking to another girl, and I told my ex and she said she was okay with it. However, I found out over this past weekend that it really makes her upset sometimes because I started talking to the girl 3 weeks after we broke up. And now she's been ignoring me and said she'll be okay when she gets over me talking to another girl.

The main reason I want to stay friends with her is because she really does have a great personality and we do get along really well as friends. We got very attached to each other as well. Besides that, we're the same major in college and she has 3 classes with me next semester, so I would like to remain friends. We also have quite a few mutual friends.
So I guess the main problem is, how do we remain good friends in the long run without having these little problems. Obviously the messing around has to stop but what else will make it easier. We've also begun to hang out less than we used to put some distance between us to make everything easier.

Has anyone been in the same situation before? Any suggestions? By the way guys sorry if this sounded like some immature rant. And please don't tell me to stop being friends with her because that's something both of us don't want.
Reply
Reply
post #2 of 25
8/3/10 at 11:55pm
She's not over you.
Reply
Reply
post #3 of 25
8/4/10 at 12:03am
cut her off. reappear in a few months.
Reply
Reply
post #4 of 25
8/4/10 at 12:12am
Thread Starter 
I'm not completely over her either, and Matt I can't really cut her off because we have classes together in less than a month.
Reply
Reply
post #5 of 25
8/4/10 at 12:13am
so you sit on the other side of the room and acknowledge her politely. solved.
Reply
Reply
post #6 of 25
8/4/10 at 12:20am
She's just upset because you started seeing another girl three weeks after you two broke up. And the fact that she's not over you clouds her judgement.

I wouldn't say to cease contact with her, but keep it minimal.

OR

You two need to sit down and talk it out. But that's too relationship-y, imho.
Reply
Reply
post #7 of 25
8/4/10 at 12:56am
just went through this over 2.5years, except we were on and off. she treated me poorly but I was a little girl and took it. thats a completely new rant. but we have all the closet mutual friends and 1 year left at a small school together.

She's pulled the 'want to be friends' argument three times on me but it was all to keep me on the back burner. Are you doing the same? She pulled it in March and when I told her we needed space and to not speak, she immediately started dating someone 3 days later and tried rubbing it in my face, been with the doppleganger ever since (yea thats weird). We hadn't spoken since then and she broke no contact the other day with a 'hey our song came on. hope your summer is going well." text, which evolved into her asking if it was ok for us to talk and stuff and see where things go as friends. Her roommate texted me midway through that shes having rough times with the new guy so I clearly cut through her BS and told her "nope"

To sum it up, don't be friends with an ex. Especially in college. Especially when one or both of you isn't ok with the other seeing someone else.
Reply
Reply
post #8 of 25
8/4/10 at 1:19am
Fuck her
  1. sister
  2. best friend
  3. ugliest friend
work your way down the list until she gets it.
Reply
Reply
post #9 of 25
8/4/10 at 1:34am
this

Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt View Post
cut her off. reappear in a few months.

or this

Quote:
Originally Posted by binge View Post
Fuck her
  1. sister
  2. best friend
  3. ugliest friend
work your way down the list until she gets it.

are your better options. talking about the issue to death with her won't solve anything.
Reply
Reply
post #10 of 25
8/4/10 at 1:48am
ahh the internet --- the best place to get relationship advice.....from people who spend a lot of time in front of there computers instead of with real people.

Just saying ...

she's not over you ..

and

cut her off

where the best comments.
Reply
Reply
post #11 of 25
8/4/10 at 9:41am
You're not going to be friends, at least not any time soon. I'm sure you think your relationship is different, we don't understand, etc, but you need to give up the idea that you're going to end an intimate relationship and immediately transition into friendship. That never works. Ever.
Reply
Reply
post #12 of 25
8/4/10 at 9:46am
Why bother telling her you're going for other women or dating around. That's like rubbing salt in the wound. It's going to make her very jealous. Sharing classes can't really be helped but I say stop talking to her altogether.
Reply
Reply
post #13 of 25
8/4/10 at 9:52am
Why would you want to be friends with a woman who doesn't want to have sex with you and has emotional issues?

Stop talking to her.
Reply
Reply
post #14 of 25
8/4/10 at 10:45am
Thread Starter 
She doesn't treat me poorly or anything and I'm not talking to this other girl to rub it in her face or anything it just happened. Her way of dealing with problems is just keeping quiet and waiting for them to pass, I know its stupid but its just her. Basically we broke up because her parents are intent on getting her married to someone of the same religion(whenever that happens) and we both didn't see the point of staying together because it would be a waste of time in the long run. I don't expect it to be easy but I do think that I will avoid talking to her until the summer ends to let some of the feelings pass. What about not hanging out alone, meaning to make sure there's a group of friends around when we are together when the semester starts? And I have been in a similar situation before and I'm pretty good friends with one of my other ex's, its just that its a little bit harder this time because she doesn't like to talk about her problems.
Reply
Reply
post #15 of 25
8/4/10 at 11:34am
seriously, you're in college? You must be an incredibly smart 14 year old.
Reply
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
Styleforum › Forums › Lifestyle › Social Life, Food & Drink, Travel › How to deal problems with an ex-girlfriend when you both want to remain friends.