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How would you deal with the "wannabee baller" friend? - Page 19

post #271 of 378
Thread Starter 
Memoirs of a Douchebag So remember Andrea? The girl that got away? Well it seems that he’s been fuming over that incident for the last few months. I thought that I had heard the last of her… Lately, douchefriend has been talking a lot about her, and trying to figure out how he could get her to like him. Well, I told him that attacking one of his best friends in front of her pretty much made that impossible. I guess he didn’t believe me. He texts me at 1 AM (I was busy surfing the internet looking for some quality pornography), and I get to read his charming email that he sent her: Dear Andrea, Hey guess what I'm sober...and can think clearly. I see everything now, now that the tears have cleared my eyes. I’m tired of you being "polite" and "nice" I want to know the real cold truth bluntly, of why you don’t like me. Don’t just hand me off to everyone else.. ”You will find the right girl I don’t doubt it!!”-you That’s what you sent wrote to me in your little letter, thinking your all cute, but you don’t even know. You don’t even know what cute is, because your too busy fucking with peoples minds. I ve thought long and hard about this, you have no idea...but you play it off like your "nice" and innocent". Well fuck this shit, open up and answer every fucking issue and don’t dodge/ignore it. Think about this... I like YOU.....BUT you shot everything down about me, my car (it’s a Mercedes not a fucking French piece of shit), sports I played ,my accent, height, nationality and ethnicity (you kept rambling on about British guys while you were here) You sat awkwardly next to me every time.....you even shot my Fraternity house down.. which is all O.K because its your opinion.... until you decide to go flirt with my friend and touch his hands and pull his shirt....and deny it, that’s just an insult. You know ,I lost him because of your horney French ass. Can’t keep your fucking legs shut. I just want an honest, straightforward, “non-polite”, blunt, reply as to why you don’t like me and why you would shoot me down and decide to flirt with my friend, and if you did…Answer everything. It will help me feel better about myself and inside. If you don’t give an HONEST, Wholehearted reply on why you don’t like me and why you did everything that I have mentioned or reply to everything in this message. im going to talk to all those fucking little English pretty boys: Dirk Branston, Tim Potts, Tom Hutchings or whoever it was you fucked/lost your virginity to on the beach and ask them what you were like. I know your not going to send me anything, not even a polite thank you gift. 4 months to send something…im not stupid. P.S. George Washington kicked the fuck out of the English, and those dirty racist bastards…..I hope you get tested for any sexually transmitted diseases from fucking one of them. I can try translate all this in French if you want. Let me know. Thanks bitch, Douchefriend Her reply follows: Douchefriend, I've never said i don't like you, i've never said anything about your height, nationality or ethnicity, i'm glad you can have everything you want, a good car, a good job, you're part of a fraternity and its really impressive to me, but I won't like a guy because he has money. You know what i really like american accent, it is my favorite, you showed me pudding and i really liked it, i really like your car et you have a beautiful house, i was even jealous when you showed me your fraternity house, i was thinking it should be so much fun to have brothers you can share wonderful moments with. plus i really don't girly house. you can think whatever you want about me, you want to think i wanted to suck your friend's dick, go ahead, i was tipsy, i wanted to have fun, yeah i touched his hand like i can touch anybody's hand, i don't even remember wanted to pull his shirt. I'm sorry if when i drink a little bit i say or do things that can be confusing, but i won't try to mess up with your friends just because you don't like me or think i'm a bitch. you can say i'm a big fucking liar if it can make you feel better, thinking that European girls especially French ones are just liars that want to get fucked. you can think i'm just a dirty bitch who want to fuck any British guy on the beach if that makes you happy. You wanna know who was the English pretty boy i fucked with??? Dirk Branston. don't think i've sleep with all the British guys i met. i've met more american guys than English ones. you want to ask him what i was like? ask him, what will it brings to you anyway? will you feel better? you don't have to live thinking that you have a French bitch as friend, you may even act like you've never met me. And i wasn't lying about the thank you gift, yea it took me 4 months 6 if you want, i'm really slow, but i trully wasn't lying. And you know what's the funniest thing about all that shit? i've never threatened you using your friends, i didn't say a word to my friends about all the messages you sent to me, i didn't go to them saying bad things about you, because i hoped it was all a misunderstanding and it could go back to normal. but well i am just being all nice and innocent right? don't bother to translate in french, i'm still smart enough to understand, and don't say thanks like you mean it. sorry i caused you so much trouble We've (The French) never asked for your "help" and if you're that pissed by me, by French, European people, why do you keep sending me all those messages? why do you spend your time talking down about me and people who are not American? why don't you just stop and forget about me? your life will be much better that way and i won't feel like shit anymore. Andrea He had to to have the last word so he finished with: Stop saying im welcomeing me to France anytime...Ill go there freely with or without your welcome.....even though im ethnic I have two premier credit cards that you need me to spend to help your country. -Cheerio you French bitch After facepalming for a few hours, I told him to just give it up and never talk to her again. He said: No, no, its good. The balls in my court now. She said "I never said I didn't like you, which means I liked you", She thinks I'm a badass now since I said those things to her, the balls in my court now, now i'm gonna chill. A few days later he texted her: Fucking French whore, go work at the moulin rouge you bitch
post #272 of 378
Remarkable.
post #273 of 378
post #274 of 378
Fresh as he returned. When are we gonna hear the orgy story? Or was douchefriend not included in that? Is douchefriend Filipino or Vietnamese? Or Korean?
post #275 of 378
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by impolyt_one View Post
Fresh as he returned. When are we gonna hear the orgy story? Or was douchefriend not included in that? Is douchefriend Filipino or Vietnamese? Or Korean?

Orgy story was only me, unfortunately.

Anyway, douchefriend is 100 percent Filipino. Though you wouldn't be able to know it just by looking, he looks at least half chinese. You wouldn't be able to tell from his last name either, it's a name that might possibly be offensive to black people.
post #276 of 378
Quote:
Dirk Branston

is that even someone's real name? it sounds like a cross between dirk diggler and richard branson.

Quote:
Anyway, douchefriend is 100 percent Filipino.
post #277 of 378
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saltricks View Post
Orgy story was only me, unfortunately.

Anyway, douchefriend is 100 percent Filipino. Though you wouldn't be able to know it just by looking, he looks at least half chinese. You wouldn't be able to tell from his last name either, it's a name that might possibly be offensive to black people.

"Isungga" ? (It's a Filipino name with Chinese origins)
post #278 of 378
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by yodawg View Post
is that even someone's real name? it sounds like a cross between dirk diggler and richard branson.

Names have been changed to protect the party involved.

Quote:
Originally Posted by blackjack View Post
"Isungga" ? (It's a Filipino name with Chinese origins)

No, it's less flippant than that. It's not really insulting, its just seems like an illogical last name for an asian.
post #279 of 378
Forget the d bag.
Post orgy story ASAP.
post #280 of 378
I've been following this thread but putting off a reply. But that last exchange...

I mean really. What. A. Douche.

I'm also suspicious that he may not even be a douchebag, just really unintelligent. There is a lot of overlap there sometimes and it can be hard to tell the difference.

Does he ever get his ass beat? I think he really needs to get his ass beat.
post #281 of 378
Dude sounds like he has straight up Aspergers The self harming when angry is a big giveaway to it being more then 'just doucheness'
post #282 of 378
I don't even know how to reply to that other than:

MORE!
post #283 of 378
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrewc2232 View Post

Does he ever get his ass beat? I think he really needs to get his ass beat.

This really weak guy attacked him once, but he kicked him in the stomach and won the fight. He was all doing this weird wrestling taunt thing, where he like prances around like a retard...I think it was Kurt Angle's taunt...I think? I have to ask my other friend who was there.

He also got beat up by a jazz pianist in a bar. But it really didn't phase him at all.
post #284 of 378
Quote:
Originally Posted by Razele View Post
Dude sounds like he has straight up Aspergers

The self harming when angry is a big giveaway to it being more then 'just doucheness'

+1.
post #285 of 378
Quote:
Originally Posted by Saltricks View Post
you showed me pudding and i really liked it

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