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Five sheets is not enough - the official clean ass thread

post #1 of 65
7/25/10 at 7:40pm
Thread Starter 
I've read on the web that you should use five sheets to wipe your ass. That's not enough for me. Generally this is the procedure that I follow:

1 - wipe ass with about four sheets in my hand (to avoid getting crap on my fingers)
2 - Look at toilet paper. Is there a lot of crap on it? If so, go to step 1

This results in at least five ass wipings. I wipe until no crap comes off on the toilet paper. And sometimes if I come back 10 minutes later and wipe my ass again, there is fresh crap.

Is there something wrong with me? Or is everyone else walking around with a dirty ass? Discuss.
Do not include pictures in this thread.
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post #2 of 65
7/25/10 at 7:44pm
Dry toilet paper is barbaric. Use these.

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post #3 of 65
7/25/10 at 10:32pm
Do you fold or scrunch the paper? Ever wonder how blind people know when to stop wiping?
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post #4 of 65
7/25/10 at 10:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by willpower View Post
Dry toilet paper is barbaric. Use these.


x2. I keep those at the office and in my car for when I'm not at home. If I shit at home I almost always shower immediately afterward.
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post #5 of 65
7/25/10 at 11:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by willpower View Post
Dry toilet paper is barbaric. Use these.


cottonelle stings; I am a charmin user.
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post #6 of 65
7/25/10 at 11:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay Gatsby View Post
I've read on the web that you should use five sheets to wipe your ass. That's not enough for me. Generally this is the procedure that I follow:

1 - wipe ass with about four sheets in my hand (to avoid getting crap on my fingers)
2 - Look at toilet paper. Is there a lot of crap on it? If so, go to step 1

This results in at least five ass wipings. I wipe until no crap comes off on the toilet paper. And sometimes if I come back 10 minutes later and wipe my ass again, there is fresh crap.

Is there something wrong with me? Or is everyone else walking around with a dirty ass? Discuss.
Do not include pictures in this thread.

everytime i take a dump i wipe my ass about once then guess what I do? GET IN THE SHOWER. I get in the shower EVERYTIME i use the bathroom
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post #7 of 65
7/26/10 at 12:00am
I have a Biffy Bidet, and would highly reccomend one.
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post #8 of 65
7/26/10 at 12:14am
while on the subject: why do we as humans look in the toilet after taking a dump? i mean what the fuck do we expect to see in there? a pot of gold? is this thing on?is this thing on?
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post #9 of 65
7/26/10 at 12:15am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Superfluous Man View Post
Do you fold or scrunch the paper? Ever wonder how blind people know when to stop wiping?

their ass is "braille"
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post #10 of 65
7/26/10 at 12:35am
Guys, if you need that much paper and effort to wipe after poopin, that means your GI system is not healthy. A healthy poop is long,effortless, minute odor, thick and usually has very minimal to no residue. All in all, fix your GI = fix your TP.
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post #11 of 65
7/26/10 at 12:35am
This thread is great.

The more perfect you fold the TP, the more wipes it yields. Just sayin.
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post #12 of 65
7/26/10 at 12:51am
But if you scrunch it then you can get all the poo in one fell swoop!
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post #13 of 65
7/26/10 at 12:57am
Quote:
Originally Posted by frenchy View Post
while on the subject: why do we as humans look in the toilet after taking a dump? i mean what the fuck do we expect to see in there? a pot of gold? is this thing on?is this thing on?
Not everyone looks in the toilet after taking a dump. I'm not going to say I never have done such a thing, but I really wouldn't consider it a regular occurrence. And I wipe as many times as needed. I'd imagine it ranges from 2-8 depending on what's needed. I sometimes take a shower after using the toilet, I really do not understand why in the US and Canada that bidets are not standard... it'd be so nice.
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post #14 of 65
7/26/10 at 1:14am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Listi View Post
Not everyone looks in the toilet after taking a dump. I'm not going to say I never have done such a thing, but I really wouldn't consider it a regular occurrence. And I wipe as many times as needed. I'd imagine it ranges from 2-8 depending on what's needed. I sometimes take a shower after using the toilet, I really do not understand why in the US and Canada that bidets are not standard... it'd be so nice.
i dont get Bidets...so you spray water up there for what? now you got wet shit residue flying around like shrapnel in Normandy do a dry wipe...look at it and flush i say
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post #15 of 65
7/26/10 at 1:27am
Quote:
Do you fold or scrunch the paper? Ever wonder how blind people know when to stop wiping?

Smell?
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