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Do women who date assholes deserve it?

post #1 of 101
7/7/10 at 12:35pm
Thread Starter 
Speaking generally, of course.

They all say he's changed (e.g., he was sweet in the beginning, etc.). My personal prejudice is that they were always assholes, but you were too blinded by lust to see otherwise.

"He has a good side" also annoys me.

Among those who claim they can't find a good guy, the woman frequently has her own issues too, and loves to play the victim. Or maybe she's in denial of what she's looking for or "deserves".

Am I an asshole for assuming the victim has her own flaws that contribute to this symptom?
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post #2 of 101
7/7/10 at 1:08pm
Usually, yes.
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post #3 of 101
7/7/10 at 1:09pm
Yes they do. I could tell you my experience dating a girl who had been in 2 abusive relationships and been raped 2 times. Not sure how many times show go so drunk she blacked out and woke up in a strangers bed.

At some point you are responsible for your own actions.


She tried to contact me recently and started showing up at places I used to hang out at asking about me. She found out I am engaged and knows where my engagement party is. I am a little concerned.


I told my fiance all about this girl. It was a real horror story but now I can laugh about it. She asked me "She wouldn't show up at our party would she?" Unfortunately I am afraid she would.
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post #4 of 101
7/7/10 at 1:14pm
The only way of approaching and analysing a woman/girl is assuming she is a retarded man.

How would you react in Situation A? She will do the opposite.

Would you like it if someone did X to you? She will hate it.

And so on.

I might write a book on it.
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post #5 of 101
7/7/10 at 1:26pm
after looking at some guys women date/marry... i'm a dream come true.. lol

Yes... they deserve exactly what they except.
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post #6 of 101
7/7/10 at 2:09pm
Yes.
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post #7 of 101
7/7/10 at 2:35pm
No. They are just looking for acceptance in someone that reminds them of their father figure. Just like guys date girls that remind them of their mom's.
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post #8 of 101
7/7/10 at 2:38pm
yea, mostly. but to be honest there are a few guys who really know how to manipulate in order to seem most attractive to women when they first meet them. sure, he's well dressed. he'll open doors, tell you how "fascinating" you are, how he hasn't liked any other girl the same way before, buying you dinners left and right, blowing up your cell phone with semi-irritating <3's and i-miss-you's...and then just when you finally think "alright, fine. i guess he's actually a hot guy with some class.", he starts acting like a total dick and showing up to dates wearing sweatpants and telling you that he doesn't have enough money to spot for dinner. you find out he has a drug addiction and that his physique is so toned because of his low BMI due to wasting all of his money on cocaine/40oz-ers. you realize he's trying to get you (a good girl) under his thumb, and you realize that you just got trumped by an asshole.

just saying. the snakes in the grass definitely exist. i'm not speaking from personal experience, btw.
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post #9 of 101
7/7/10 at 2:47pm
If you have seen the show "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" ..

Quote:
D- emonstrate value
E- ngage physically
N- urture dependence
N- eglect emotionally
I- nspire hope
S- eparate entirely
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post #10 of 101
7/7/10 at 2:55pm
Yes.



Quote:
Originally Posted by gilwood View Post
No. They are just looking for acceptance in someone that reminds them of their father figure. Just like guys date girls that remind them of their mom's.

So, you're answer should really be yes.
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post #11 of 101
7/7/10 at 3:02pm
If a woman finds out a guy is a douche and then dumps him, she probably didn't "deserve" it and did not judge him properly on the way into the relationship. However, if it becomes a clear pattern, friends and familiy are telling her repeatedly that this latest guy is an asshole, she probably is not experiencing a string of coincidentally asshole boyfriends.

To keep this non-misogynistic (which quickly happened in some posts above), does a guy deserve it if his gf/sig O is a manipulative slut? I mean, if women can get into relationship patterns, can't men?

To tomgirl: I find it fascinating that apparently a guy has to pay for dinner, even after the relationship is well established. Guys, take note of this.
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post #12 of 101
7/7/10 at 3:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post
To tomgirl: I find it fascinating that apparently a guy has to pay for dinner, even after the relationship is well established. Guys, take note of this.

hmm...i'm not sure if the relationship hit "well established" grounds. i'm talking merely in the courtship phases. also, many many guys insist repeatedly to me that they were taught to always pay at dinner with a date. definitely old fashioned, but i've heard that before. i'm not opposed to paying for us out of my own free will occasionally, and not just because the guy is "broke".
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post #13 of 101
7/7/10 at 3:11pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post
If a woman finds out a guy is a douche and then dumps him, she probably didn't "deserve" it and did not judge him properly on the way into the relationship. However, if it becomes a clear pattern, friends and familiy are telling her repeatedly that this latest guy is an asshole, she probably is not experiencing a string of coincidentally asshole boyfriends.

Depends on what is your definition of douche!
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post #14 of 101
7/7/10 at 3:12pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tomgirl View Post
hmm...i'm not sure if the relationship hit "well established" grounds. i'm talking merely in the courtship phases. also, many many guys insist repeatedly to me that they were taught to always pay at dinner with a date. definitely old fashioned, but i've heard that before. i'm not opposed to paying for us out of my own free will occasionally, and not just because the guy is "broke".

True, but the guy paying for everything has to stop somewhere. Women earn more than they used to in the past.
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post #15 of 101
7/7/10 at 3:13pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by tomgirl View Post
yea, mostly. but to be honest there are a few guys who really know how to manipulate in order to seem most attractive to women when they first meet them. sure, he's well dressed. he'll open doors, tell you how "fascinating" you are, how he hasn't liked any other girl the same way before, buying you dinners left and right, blowing up your cell phone with semi-irritating <3's and i-miss-you's...and then just when you finally think "alright, fine. i guess he's actually a hot guy with some class.", he starts acting like a total dick and showing up to dates wearing sweatpants and telling you that he doesn't have enough money to spot for dinner. you find out he has a drug addiction and that his physique is so toned because of his low BMI due to wasting all of his money on cocaine/40oz-ers. you realize he's trying to get you (a good girl) under his thumb, and you realize that you just got trumped by an asshole.

just saying. the snakes in the grass definitely exist. i'm not speaking from personal experience, btw.

True. Just dump such a guy!
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