From one NYC associate to another--I think a major part of your problem is your location, and that it would be just about as bad if your colleagues knew that you regularly posted on this forum, but you'd never entered that contest. Heck I get annoyed just overhearing some of my colleagues talk about style, much less having to discuss a pocket square with them.
You know that almost every male white collar professional in this city who cares what he looks like also thinks he's a style expert, but primarily dresses according to NY nightlife trends, what his other douchey colleagues told him was currently cool, and what his girlfriend/female friends think is "hot." Clothing here is almost entirely either a) status driven, or b) bargain driven. I know very few young professionals who don't either shop at some store they regard as an upgrade, like Pink, or think they're smarter than everyone for using a bargain traveling hong kong tailor that's "a lot better than those other ones." They're really into custom tailoring, even though the most they could probably tell you about the fabric they selected is whether it's a super 120s, and the color, and they only got measured once so the fit looks about the same as tailored off the rack. "But check out this awesome bright red lining!" Peacocking is a major element of this style. Ultra-shiney, plush ties with windsor knots are another part of this--your unlined ties with a FIH will seem really strange to guys who think the bigger knot the better. When one's primary motive in dressing to display their income, style is a pretty empty term.
Single young professionals suddenly earning six figures, in a city designed to take their money by constantly making them feel outdated and not desirable enough, are never going to understand your style/the aesthetic prevalent on the SF or promoted by blogs like ASW.
Living in Manhattan, you don't stand a chance at sanity if your colleagues your age are trying to talk to you about style. Since everything's a dickswinging contest here to the extreme, in the context of style there's just no way out of this one aside from a location or profession change.