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Dating Disasters - Appearance - Page 5

post #61 of 66
Two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the head lights off before I get to the driveway. I shutoff the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL Wakes Up, and Yells at me for staying out so late!

"His buddy looks at him and says "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say!, WHO'S HORNY???!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep.It Works Every Time!!!
post #62 of 66
A woman is stepping out of the shower as her husband is stepping in when the front doorbell rings.

"Could you get that, Honey", he asks. So the wife goes to the door in a towel. When she opens it, it's their neighbor Bob standing in the doorway with a fistful of money.

He says, "I'll give you $500 if you take off that towel". She thinks about it for a moment and considers that it's quite a lot of money for something so simple and harmless, so she agrees and takes off the towel. Bob gives her $500 cash and walks away.

When she returns to the bathroom her husband asks, "Who was that at the door?". "It was Bob from next door", she replies. "Oh", he says, "did he say anything about that 500 bucks he owes me?"
post #63 of 66
Q: Why are divorces so expensive?

A: Because they're WORTH IT!

post #64 of 66
Woman asks her husband to change the oil in the car. He responds, "Who do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?"

Later she asks him to mow the lawn. He says, "Who do I look like, John Deere?"

Again, she ask him to unstop the sink. He answers, "Who do I look like, Janitor In A Drum?"

He comes home from work the next day and the oil is changed, the lawn mowed, and the sink unstopped. He asks about how it happened. "Oh, the neighbor did it for me, she explains. "He said he'd do it for me if I either slept with him or baked him a cake."

"So, what kind of cake did you bake him?" the husband asks.

"Who do I look like, Betty Crocker?" she retorts.
post #65 of 66
Woman goes to a psychologist to complain about a problem with her husband.
"He thinks he's a cat," she explains.

The psychologist tells her that these sorts of problems usually don't last long and often take care of themselves.

A week later, the woman returns.
"You were right," she says. "The problem didn't last long and took care of itself."

"So, your husband is cured?" the psychologist asks.

"Well, not exactly; he's dead." the woman explains.

"Dead? I didn't know the condition could be fatal." the psychologist says, surprised.

The woman explains, "Well, this morning I accidentally backed over him while he was sitting in the driveway licking his ass."
post #66 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by wilson brother
Hey guys-

I have to ask.. did you ever experience love?


-Danny Wilson
Love as a chemical process of fluctuating levels of seratonin in the brain has been shown is recent studies to diminish greatly after the first year. After the first year its just two people singing along to Pear Jam's "Better Man".
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