Being well dressed and mannered when family isn't as much

Originally Posted by celery

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I think this is where we're diverging. I do believe (perhaps wrongly) that perception plays a significant role in determining what one is.

Let me give you a couple examples of my thinking:

If I go to a black tie event, but feel like wearing sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt. I have no intention of being disrespectful, rude, or classless, I just felt like it at that time. But because of how others in attendance would perceive me, I would be disrespectful, rude, and classless regardless of my intentions or personality.

Another example that hits close to SF home, if I were wearing Ed Hardy, had a deep orange tan, and was at a club taking photos while puckering my lips at the camera, I may genuinely feel like I'm awesome hotness. But maybe others would perceive me as a douchebag. I'm just being myself, and I think I look good and cool.

So, that's where I'm coming from. Basically, to me, it matters what other people think, as we exist in relation to other people. A lot of people say that they don't care what others think and I can't bring myself to believe that.
Hmmm, but fair enough. Agree to disagree.

Originally Posted by celery

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I've been participating on the internets for a long time, I knew what I was getting myself into. I blame my morning coffee for giving me the energy.
As I blame my evening coffee.

Haha, once somebody points out how ridiculous you're both being you quell the debate and return to smiles and make up.

A mod should rename this thread to "Let's have a dick measuring contest".

Originally Posted by Hehlol

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Haha, once somebody points out how ridiculous you're both being you quell the debate and return to smiles and make up.

Originally Posted by apropos

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Thank you for being the wildcard entry for the race to take the position of superiority (pretension), and condescension here.

Please contact vox for your prize.
..

Originally Posted by patrickBOOTH

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A mod should rename this thread to "Let's have a dick measuring contest".
You've piqued my interest. How long is *********, exactly?

Originally Posted by holymadness

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This thread is now about dick measuring and dancing sandwich. (maybe a dancing dick sandwich?)

Very small, that's why I have to dress so well.

Originally Posted by BillyMaysHere!

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This thread is now about dick measuring and dancing sandwich. (maybe a dancing dick sandwich?)

^You really have an answer for everything ITT, don't you?

OP, do you really have this problem? A lot of my family, almost entirely on one side, are Georgia (Jawja) country folks. I love them to death, but they tend to fit nearly every stereotype of country folks in existence, both good and bad. Given this, my college degrees and nice clothes aren't exactly par for the course in my family.

They pick on me a bit for it, but I have never had them act like I should "lower [my] standards" to fit in. When I show up to some gathering in nice clothes that fit well, I'm not going to look like my cousin who runs a paving crew, but I really couldn't care less. I'm not somehow above him because I wear leather soled dress shoes and man a computer all day.

They're my family; they love me and I love them. They're also quite proud of me, given I'm the one who has reached a relative level of success that most of my family hasn't. Every little joke I get for being the smart one, or the dressed-up one, comes bundled with the fact that they're really proud of what I've done. Every time a member of that side of the family introduces me to someone, they include something about my accomplishments, and it makes me feel great.

The above being said, I can only come to one of a few conclusions based upon your OP. You're either: A) WAY overly sensitive to your family's jokes, B) So extremely prententious that you actually think your clothes make you better than your "primitive" family, or C) Your family senses the fact that you seem to think you're better than them, and they resent you for it.

Come to think of it, it may be all three.

I hope this comes as clearer. I'm not one to insult ANYONE, and if I have to make a comment I try to be kind about it. I don't walk up to them and flaunt my suff. Here is an example:

When sitting for dinner, they stare at my plate and if there's nothing there, they start putting things on my plate and tell me that "I'm not eating" even after I've just eaten my fill. To me that's just rude but I don't say anything, but they get upset when I don't eat what they think I should be eating. Thats just an example of what I meant by manners. Now I keep quiet and do what I do normally but whether we're at a wedding or a simple gathering they say I'm too stuck up and even get "Don't try to act like you're not one of us" I just don't understand. I wasn't raised that way.
As for dress, well imagine a jogging suit being standard casual attire or dress pants with keys and a phone pouch attached at the belt wearing a jacket that reaches your knuckles with an unbuttoned shirt and a semi tied tie. So when I come in to a nice restaurant, they start asking questions, from why I have a pocket square to my jacket is too short because I'm showing sleeve. Or wearing loafers without socks. I see A LOT of socks with sandals in my community.

There is much more to it and I can't write it all out but I've been called "yuppie" or "elitisit" simply because I looked different than what they're used to. I don't criticize or try to educate them, it's not my place. But they tend to critique me as if I'm doing something wrong. Like I said, A corduroy jacket and jeans to them was me being dressed up.


PS Does caring about how I'm presenting myself to the world make me better than them? If so why is that wrong?

Sounds like you're living the life.

I know a great Divorce attorney. Remember, it's expensive because its worth it!

Or you could lighten up and enjoy yourself, which is probably what they want you to do.

Culture is the tinted glass through which society views an object. -- Dr. N Tolstikova

You're the odd one out and you say that its your community, so I would argue that there is little need to dress formally. You could happily wear the SW&D uniform and not be out of place, so either you do it to draw attention to yourself, or because you really have "out-grown" such an environment. You can either change, or ignore the snark; at the end of the day you're the tourist in their world.

+1 for divorce

Originally Posted by Blackhood

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Culture is the tinted glass through which society views an object. -- Dr. N Tolstikova

You're the odd one out and you say that its your community, so I would argue that there is little need to dress formally. You could happily wear the SW&D uniform and not be out of place, so either you do it to draw attention to yourself, or because you really have "out-grown" such an environment. You can either change, or ignore the snark; at the end of the day you're the tourist in their world.

A Condescending prick condescending about how to not condescend. My mind is blown, thank you SF.