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Guests who bring wine - etiquette

post #1 of 39
4/19/10 at 8:25pm
Thread Starter 
No need for a big production, just interested in your take...

When you invite guests over and they bring a bottle of wine, do you offer them some of what they brought, or open a bottle of your own? Let's assume the wine is adequately chilled (or not), etc.
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post #2 of 39
4/19/10 at 8:32pm
If it goes with the food, i MIGHT think about it. If it doesn't go with the food, I'm not going to serve a wine just b/c someone brought it. And you should never bring a wine to a party expecting it to be served that night, unless the host specifically asked you to bring that bottle IMO.
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post #3 of 39
4/19/10 at 8:41pm
That^^
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post #4 of 39
4/19/10 at 8:44pm
I've never served wine brought by a guest unless it was Champagne.
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post #5 of 39
4/19/10 at 9:23pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by kwilkinson View Post
If it goes with the food, i MIGHT think about it. If it doesn't go with the food, I'm not going to serve a wine just b/c someone brought it. And you should never bring a wine to a party expecting it to be served that night, unless the host specifically asked you to bring that bottle IMO.

100% in line with what I'd thought...thanks
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post #6 of 39
4/19/10 at 10:59pm
The Japanese are pretty good on gift giving etiquette, and there they have a rule that you never serve a guest his own gift. I think thats a pretty good default rule and usually follow it.

On one hand you don't want to appear greedy, as if you're saving the gift all for yourself, but that concern is overridden by the idea that you should be grateful and value the guests gift highly enough that you don't just turn around and give it away.

Sometimes Japanese guests get around this by suggesting, or asking for whatever it is that they brought, then its fine, but I think this is still an interesting etiquette puzzle.
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post #7 of 39
4/19/10 at 11:06pm
If I bring wine I'll tell the host "this is too cheap not to drink" (if it's cheap) or "this is for the cellar" (if it's nice..... i.e. don't waste it on a drunken dinner party).
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post #8 of 39
4/19/10 at 11:59pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by kwilkinson View Post
If it goes with the food, i MIGHT think about it. If it doesn't go with the food, I'm not going to serve a wine just b/c someone brought it. And you should never bring a wine to a party expecting it to be served that night, unless the host specifically asked you to bring that bottle IMO.

+1
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post #9 of 39
4/20/10 at 12:07am
I have absolutely nothing of value to add to the previous answers to this thread...and seriously doubt that it can be improved upon.
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post #10 of 39
4/20/10 at 10:29am
This was a good question.
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post #11 of 39
4/20/10 at 11:07am
In a perfect world, the wine brought by guests would not be opened, the host will have picked a much more suitable wine than someone who is not familiar with what is being served.

We don't live in a perfect world though, so one should really play it by ear. Some people I know would never dream of their bottle being opened, but others, most notably my sister, become offended if the bottle she and her husband arrived with is not served.

So I usually try and figure out what the person expects and act accordingly, it's just wine, no sense pissing anyone off over it, just grin and bear it. I do though try and encourage these people bring a digestif.
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post #12 of 39
4/20/10 at 11:17am
Hmmm...I don't often run into this dilemma. Usually, we would have drunk ALL of the wine by the end of the night. I suppose I'll have to worry about this when I attain bigtimerPiobaire status.
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post #13 of 39
4/20/10 at 11:19am
"Thank you so much for the Two Buck Chuck. This is going directly into the cellar! Good shit, man."
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post #14 of 39
4/20/10 at 11:22am
Weird... in my world, bringing wine to a dinner is not bringing a "gift" but bringing something to participate in the dinner. I find it completely normal and actually very friendly, polite and flattering to see the bottle I brought opened before or during dinner. It tells me that the host acknowledged the contribution and thinks I picked a wine nice enough for his table.

Same with bringing some desserts / cake / ice cream. I never really considered this as bringing a "gift" but rather sharing something with your hosts around the dinner table.

I actually find it very odd and a bit rude when we bring something and the host barely looks at it, says thanks and puts it on the side somewhere, never to be seen again. Now that I read the answers in this thread, I'll chalk it up to cultural differences in the future and will try not to feel offended.
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post #15 of 39
4/20/10 at 11:59am
Quote:
Originally Posted by gdl203 View Post
Weird... in my world, bringing wine to a dinner is not bringing a "gift" but bringing something to participate in the dinner. I find it completely normal and actually very friendly, polite and flattering to see the bottle I brought opened before or during dinner. It tells me that the host acknowledged the contribution and thinks I picked a wine nice enough for his table.

That's because you're probably bringing good stuff to begin with and have at least an elementary knowledge of wine. 98% of American bring absolute crap that isn't nice enough for the host's table.

When we host, we specify "bring a bottle to share" or "we will provide the food and the wine". We usually don't open the gift bottle in the latter situation. Desserts are, obviously, a different story and are consumed after dinner.
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