This is something I wrote a few years ago:
Quote:
[SCENE: ROBERT CAPONI sitting in a chair in a job interview waiting      room, looking fidgety.] INTERVIEWER (entering through office door) Errr... (looking at      notepad) Robert... Caponi? ROBERT: (bolting up and offering bold handshake) Hello, Mr. Steven      Francis Donnell Patrick Cavanaugh. I was just admiring your art.      How's the missus Cavanaugh? I'm pumped! Let's rock 'n' roll! INTERVIEWER: (leading ROBERT into office and closing door behind him)      You've been bumped up because the interview before you was in a      traffic accident on her way here. Suffice to say she wanted to      avoid being a little late, but instead ended up a little... dead. ROBERT: (taking a seat in large swivel chair and propping up legs)      It's a crying shame, I heard she had a real... *banging* body!      (bad Cryptkeeper impression) Eh heh heh! INTERVIEWER: Ha ha! (slams hands on table) Okay, let's stop beating      our gums, pony boy, sooner or later we're going to have to snap      on those opera gloves and get down to business. First question: Are      you Black? ROBERT: No. INTERVIEWER: Good start! What is your highest level of completed      education? ROBERT: Errr... high school. Well, I went to a progressive high      school. We weren't given letter grades, we were judged on school      spirit. And they never gave us diplomas either; at graduation, we      were given a sheet of paper that said "Fantastic Kid!" Something      I noticed but didn't say was that my "Fantastic Kid!" had five      exclamation points after it and most of my friends only had three      or four. INTERVIEWER: I see you have have a gap in your work history from the      time you were born to the present time. How do you explain this      27 year gap? ROBERT: I so hated my parents and everything they stood for that I      renounced possessions and all worldly measures of success and lived      with my parents. INTERVIEWER: But you're looking for a job now? ROBERT: Yes. But now the bottleneck isn't so much a lack of      motivation as it is my complete absence of employable skill. INTERVIEWER: You do realize your lack of a job history won't be very      attractive to employers? ROBERT: Would you believe it's no less repellant to the ladies? INTERVIEWER: Do you have any special skills or talents? ROBERT: Ummm... I'm a quick learner-- a trait which should... INTERVIEWER: ...a trait which should give you an edge over any Irish      setters who might be applying. You need new material, Robert. What      other special skills do you have? ROBERT: Ummm... self-sucker. INTERVIEWER: Please explain... ROBERT: I can suck my own cock. INTERVIEWER: Any others? ROBERT: Ummmm.... no... I don't think... Oh! Of course! INTERVIEWER: What's that? ROBERT: Nothing. it's just that the jumble word I couldn't get today      was 'scarab'. Nope, no special skills here! INTERVIEWER: I'm sorry, Robert, I don't think there's a place for you      here. You see, our establishment isn't just some place with      flourescent lighting and unexplained bluebottle flies, it is a      place where the highest standards of excellence are upheld. ROBERT: Well then I would be much obliged if you would point me in      the direction of the rung that is still lower than this, as I'm      experiencing great difficulty in finding it.
..........and your daughter 
