being a first time middle aged dad

What do you consider middle aged?

I've never been in this situation, but I have two uncles who have. They were both in their mid 40s when they had kids, and both are very happy. One has kids over a range of about 18 years and three wives, and he's close to all of them. The other has two with his (only) wife, and he adores them.

I've only really talked to the one who started having kids when he was younger about what it's like to have kids at that age, and he said it's not as easy as when he was younger. You just don't have the energy to keep up with a five year old when you're 50. However, he didn't have any complaints. He's also not in the best health, so that plays a part in it. The only negative he mentioned was being so much older when the kids are relatively young. He noted that he'd be in his 60s when the kids are graduating from high school, and he's afraid he's going to miss the good years when the kids become adults. Basically, he's disappointed that he won't have as many years to experience the adults that his children will become.

There are benefits as well, particularly the fact that they're both more stable than they were when they were younger, and they have more resources.

Come to think of it, my dad had a kid when he was like 50, but he's never been a very good dad, so that story isn't quite as positive. I can say for certain that he didn't get any better at it as he aged.

Your maturity will help you a lot. You are an adult, as opposed to many young parents who are just finding themselves. You probably will be a lot more patient, too. You'll do just fine. Be prepared, however, to be mistaken for a grandparent. That kicked me in the nuts the first few times it happened when I was at school functions with my youngest. One benefit that never occured to me (that was pointed out by one of my older daughters) was I will likely get front-row parking at my youngest's high school events.

good luck, you will want to get in shape as much as possible.

good luck. i dont have kids but i do have 4 nephews all under 6 years of age. we see them alot. we babysit and do all sorts of stuff with them.

im honest. im so glad i dont have kids (currently) . it is so much energy consuming. i am exhausted mentally and physically after work and/or workout and i cant imagine being with a 5 year old or a baby or any kid all the time. waking up in the middle of the night.

every once in awhile, my wife always wants to babysit our 5 year old nephew. on the weekend he is dropped off at our place on friday nite and picked up sometime on sunday morning.

i dread it. i am so exhausted. he wants me to pay attention to what he is doing. his little action figures and his playing them . his whatever and this and that. and cleaning after him and taking him outside and doing things at the store on saturday, and he goes to bed late (with us) watching dvds and then wakes up WAY early (i love to sleep in on sat) and ask me to do things with him and im like argggghhh.

but i love him. and i see those as happy memories.

i envy those who have kids. my brother and brother in law are dam great to be able to go through this 24/7 365 days a year. dam. im not cut out for it.

I am not middle-aged just yet (at least I don't think so!), but I am a new father who had his trepidations at first. But it has been the most enjoyable, most rewarding, and most grounding experience I have ever had. Embrace it, and you will love it. Good luck.

One of my Board members didn't have kids until his late 40's. When he approached his 70's he said having kids later in life kept him thinking and acting young. He could run circles around anyone in their 50's and was very cool.

I also have close friends who had their first in their early 40's. He has had a ball but it was harder on the wife. The other mom's were younger and acted so. She was mistaken for grandma and that killed her, especially since she had been a big shot at Gucci and was quite stylish.

I'm sure you realise its about the kids not you. At age 60 can you offer a 10 year old what they need, at 65 can you offer a 15 year old what they need et etc. On average you'll be dead at 84 and possibly dependant on family or state at 75+ or earlier. Your kid will be 25 when you are 75. Do you want your kid to have their father die when they are 30 or so? These are the questions only you can answer

It will add soo much happiness in your life...I am tired,exhausted but happy.

I had my first at 35, next two at 40, and sometimes I feel old. but it does give you a lot of opportunities to do stuff that you wouldn't do without kids - water parks, kites, etc.

I had mine just after I turned 43. You are (usually) in a better mental/emotional/fiscal state at this point in your life, but the downside, as mentioned, is the physical. That being said, everyone is different. I've met guys 10 years younger than me who I assumed were 5 years older. If you're in decent shape you should be OK. At least where I am the trend is toward older parents, so you would not necessarily be out of place.

I find this is quite an interesting post. Really puts things in perspective. "Over the hill" keeps getting pushed further and further back, but the life expectancy for men is still only 78 or so.

I couldn't imagine my father being 68 (!) at my HS graduation or 75+ (!) for my marriage.

One thing is for sure: you'll be denying your grandkids a chance to know their grandparents. Most of mine died quite young and so I barely knew them, and no one in my family waited past 30 to have children.