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21 things your burglar won't tell you

post #1 of 53
Thread Starter 
1. Of course I look familiar. I was here just last week cleaning your carpets, painting your shutters, or delivering your new refrigerator.

2. Hey, thanks for letting me use the bathroom when I was working in your yard last week. While I was in there, I unlatched the back window to make my return a little easier.

3. Love those flowers. That tells me you have taste ... and taste means there are nice things inside. Those yard toys your kids leave out always make me wonder what type of gaming system they have.

4. Yes, I really do look for newspapers piled up on the driveway. And I might leave a pizza flyer in your front door to see how long it takes you to remove it.

5. If it snows while you're out of town, get a neighbor to create car and foot tracks into the house. Virgin drifts in the driveway are a dead giveaway.

6. If decorative glass is part of your front entrance, don't let your alarm company install the control pad where I can see if it's set. That makes it too easy.

7. A good security company alarms the window over the sink. And the windows on the second floor, which often access the master bedroom-and your jewelry. It's not a bad idea to put motion detectors up there too.

8. It's raining, you're fumbling with your umbrella, and you forget to lock your door-understandable. But understand this: I don't take a day off because of bad weather..

9. I always knock first. If you answer, I'll ask for directions somewhere or offer to clean your gutters. (Don't take me up on it.)

10. Do you really think I won't look in your sock drawer? I always check dresser drawers, the bedside table, and the medicine cabinet.

11. Helpful hint: I almost never go into kids' rooms.

12. You're right: I won't have enough time to break into that safe where you keep your valuables. But if it's not bolted down, I'll take it with me.

13. A loud TV or radio can be a better deterrent than the best alarm system. If you're reluctant to leave your TV on while you're out of town, you can buy a $35 device that works on a timer and simulates the flickering glow of a real television. (Find it at faketv.com.)

14. Sometimes, I carry a clipboard. Sometimes, I dress like a lawn guy and carry a rake. I do my best to never, ever look like a crook.

15. The two things I hate most: loud dogs and nosy neighbors.

16. I'll break a window to get in, even if it makes a little noise. If your neighbor hears one loud sound, he'll stop what he's doing and wait to hear it again. If he doesn't hear it again, he'll just go back to what he was doing. It's human nature.

17. I'm not complaining, but why would you pay all that money for a fancy alarm system and leave your house without setting it?

18. I love looking in your windows. I'm looking for signs that you're home, and for flat screen TVs or gaming systems I'd like. I'll drive or walk through your neighborhood at night, before you close the blinds, just to pick my targets.

19. Avoid announcing your vacation on your Facebook page. It's easier than you think to look up your address.

20. To you, leaving that window open just a crack during the day is a way to let in a little fresh air. To me, it's an invitation.

21. If you don't answer when I knock, I try the door. Occasionally, I hit the jackpot and walk right in.


Sources: Internet. Well, the website claimed "Convicted burglars in North Carolina , Oregon , California , and Kentucky; security consultant Chris McGoey, who runs crimedoctor.com; and Richard T. Wright, a criminology professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, who interviewed 105 burglars for his book Burglars on the Job."
post #2 of 53
Sweet, this will help me rob houses.
post #3 of 53
nice, but I look outside to see who's at my door before I open it. If I don't recognize the person, I never open the door and usually just watch them until they're gone.
post #4 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by EMY View Post
nice, but I look outside to see who's at my door before I open it. If I don't recognize the person, I never open the door and usually just watch them until they're gone.

Do you watch them where they can see you're watching them? Because if you do, that's a little creepy.
post #5 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by odoreater View Post
Do you watch them where they can see you're watching them? Because if you do, that's a little creepy.

He taps his windows with his shotgun, just to let them know.
post #6 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuuma View Post
He taps his windows with his shotgun, just to let them know.

I always tap the windows with my kack. Just to show them I mean business.
post #7 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by FLMountainMan View Post
I always fap the widows with my kack. Just to show them I mean business.

FTFM. Sorry, ennui-induced delirium.
post #8 of 53
Quote:
Originally Posted by FLMountainMan View Post
I always tap the windows with my kack. Just to show them I mean business.

post #9 of 53
Good stuff. You never realize how obvious this stuff is until someone points it out.
post #10 of 53
I was against anyone ever seeing me.
post #11 of 53
Brake ins are on the rise in my neighborhood(NYC). My coop board decided to put metal brackets on doors to prevent brake-ins and lock tampering. Crime wave is coming, I believe, and how could it not with 18% unemployment and million illegals in a country who lost their income sources.
post #12 of 53
I thought this was a story of betrayal.
I misread the title as "21 Things a Turd Burgler won't tell you"
post #13 of 53
I get the impression that it is easier to steal from people today than ever before, just because of the immense feeling of security people have, and lack of common sense when it comes to douchebags.
post #14 of 53




I swear, this list follows the home alone theory...
post #15 of 53
Man: \tBurglar! (longish pause while he waits, he rings again) Burglar! (woman appears at other side of door)
Woman:\tYes?
Man: \tBurglar, madam.
Woman: \tWhat do you want?
Man: \tI want to come in and steal a few things, madam.
Woman:\tAre you an encyclopaedia salesman?
Man: \tNo madam, I'm a burglar, I burgle people.
Woman: \tI think you're an encyclopaedia salesman.
Man: \tOh I'm not, open the door, let me in please.
Woman: \tIf I let you in you'll sell me encyclopaedias.
Man: \tI won't, madam. I just want to come in and ransack the flat. Honestly.
Woman: \tPromise. No encyclopaedias?
Man: \tNone at all.
Woman: \tAll right. (she opens door) You'd better come in then.
\t(Man enters it through door.)
Man: \tMind you I don't know whether you've really considered the advantages of owning a really fine set of modern encyclopaedias...(he pockets valuable) You know, they can really do you wonders.
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