A life question.

I've lurked this forum for awhile, most SW&D but I linger everywhere. A lot of what I've gathered is that unlike other forums there are a wealth of somewhat intelligent, knowledgeable older folks here, which is nice, cause as a young person I need some advice/perspective....


The only reason i'm taking the path in life I am now is because of my parents.

I feel like it's warranted, despite having to raise 3 kids (i'm the oldest) with the odds being against their side, and emigrating to this country from Soviet Russia, they have done an amazing job.

My dad works 12 hour days doing some bullshit work killing himself just to sustain us, with one day off off a week. Never complains.

I graduated HS early in January strictly for the purpose of going to college early, getting it all done as quick as possible and then making their quality of life better. It's a 2.5 year RN program, and i'll be honest when I say that 90% of me doest want to do it, my passions lie elsewhere.

Last thing I want to do is shlep myself to a community college for 3 years to become a nurse, get a job, etc.

I'd love to go away to some school, have the basic college experience etc. I feel like i'm missing out on so much ****, but at the same time I feel like it's the right thing to do, given the sacrifice my parents have made me for me, and how I feel indebted to them.

And it's not like they realize i'm doing it for them, I don't state it blatantly, they think this is what I wanna do.

I know it's the right to do, and I owe it to them. But I often wonder how much of myself am I giving up, and will this path ever lead to internal happiness? I absolutely will feel fulfilled and happy when I can begin to help out my parents, but like I said, at the same time how much of myself am I giving up?

How much did your parents give up? Quit being selfish.

RN's make a lot of money, but if you don't want to be one... don't. Find something you love. If you love it than it will make you great at it. The money will follow.

Keep in mind you're just a kid and you don't know ****. So think hard about the choices you make right now because ten years from now they will bite you **********.

definitely you won't go far being a nurse who hates his job. but I feel for your parents (our family's roots were pretty much the same- except we ended up in a 3rd world country!). was it their idea for you to go down that path? maybe if you talk to them and tell them what you really want they can approve of your career choice. one thing I feel is whats good about the united states is, compared to other countries, its one of the few countries that as long as you do your friggin' best in whatever you do that you'll be well rewarded. good luck.

Communicate with them.

Go off to school somewhere and pay for it with student loans. There will be no burden on them at all if you pay for everything.

Seems like the only way you can be truly happy with your decision is just to leave home, get your load off of their shoulders, get a job, get into the college of your choice so you can do what you want, as you pay for it.

if you can get a nursing degree by age 21 (if I understood your post correctly), do it. there are a lot of things that you can do with a nursing degree that aren't nursing (medical sales, for one) and a nurse can always find a job, including jobs that include travel. even if you want to then turn around and go to university and have fun, being a 22 year old freshman with a great job to pay the bills won't be such a bad thing.

on the flip side - as long as you don't create more burdens for your parents, you shouldn't throw away your life to make them happy. the "contract" between parents and kids is that the parents do what they can to prepare the kids for life, but the kids have to make their own decsions, and live their own lives. you can help your parents later when you have money by supporting them a little in their retirmeent etc - just don't become a burden to them now.

Originally Posted by MarkI

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I've lurked this forum for awhile, most SW&D but I linger everywhere. A lot of what I've gathered is that unlike other forums there are a wealth of somewhat intelligent, knowledgeable older folks here, which is nice, cause as a young person I need some advice/perspective....


The only reason i'm taking the path in life I am now is because of my parents.

I feel like it's warranted, despite having to raise 3 kids (i'm the oldest) with the odds being against their side, and emigrating to this country from Soviet Russia, they have done an amazing job.

My dad works 12 hour days doing some bullshit work killing himself just to sustain us, with one day off off a week. Never complains.

I graduated HS early in January strictly for the purpose of going to college early, getting it all done as quick as possible and then making their quality of life better. It's a 2.5 year RN program, and i'll be honest when I say that 90% of me doest want to do it, my passions lie elsewhere.

Last thing I want to do is shlep myself to a community college for 3 years to become a nurse, get a job, etc.

I'd love to go away to some school, have the basic college experience etc. I feel like i'm missing out on so much ****, but at the same time I feel like it's the right thing to do, given the sacrifice my parents have made me for me, and how I feel indebted to them.

And it's not like they realize i'm doing it for them, I don't state it blatantly, they think this is what I wanna do.

I know it's the right to do, and I owe it to them. But I often wonder how much of myself am I giving up, and will this path ever lead to internal happiness? I absolutely will feel fulfilled and happy when I can begin to help out my parents, but like I said, at the same time how much of myself am I giving up?

I echo what has been said above but add that it is likely they came to this country so that you might enjoy the freedom to do what you like. It might piss them off that they made all these sacrifices only for you to do something you hate because you feel indebted to them.

I want to echo what Stephen said above: communicate with them. Just sit down and tell them your feelings, and what it is you want to do in life. You might encounter some resistance at first, but as your parents love you, they'll learn to understand that you want to be happy with your life.

+ 1 to communicate: honestly it will mean a lot to them by your just opening up

re the practicalities: if you were a parent wouldn't you want your kid to be happier; plus you'll be more likely to help them if you find a career you'll be happy with and thrive.

You can only live for yourself. You parents probably left so your life would be better. Make it that way.

And now what you don't want to hear.

Money creates opportunity. Going into a field that pays well and offers great flexibility is a smart thing to do. What you love is most likely somewhat impractical (i.e. art, music, dance, and so on with other liberal arts), because I highly doubt you are torn between becoming a nurse and becoming an engineer.

If you are truly passionate about something, there will be no stopping you from pursuing it as a hobby, or even academically after you have set up a practical life. You don't have to stop going to school once you get a job fyi, you can become a nurse, then with all the money (opportunity), you can continue going to school for what you love while also being able to afford life.

Another word of warning (from a Fine Arts graduate), is that what you love may not function the same way professionally. As soon as it becomes something you must do (you know, for money), you might find yourself finding it just as restrictive as a regular job. I'm not saying that you can't do something you love and be successful doing it, I'm just saying that you can start with a solid, practical foundation, and then do what you love after.

I think many people make the mistake of feeling like, "after I do ____, I'm done and that's my life." You're not done, you won't be too old, you have your whole life to do things and change your mind along the way. But the one thing in life that is least forgiving, is paying bills.

Originally Posted by globetrotter

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if you can get a nursing degree by age 21 (if I understood your post correctly), do it. there are a lot of things that you can do with a nursing degree that aren't nursing (medical sales, for one) and a nurse can always find a job, including jobs that include travel. even if you want to then turn around and go to university and have fun, being a 22 year old freshman with a great job to pay the bills won't be such a bad thing.

on the flip side - as long as you don't create more burdens for your parents, you shouldn't throw away your life to make them happy. the "contract" between parents and kids is that the parents do what they can to prepare the kids for life, but the kids have to make their own decsions, and live their own lives. you can help your parents later when you have money by supporting them a little in their retirmeent etc - just don't become a burden to them now.

This. +100

The nursing shortage in this country is drastic, and it's getting worse. If you come out with a nursing degree, there is no way that you will be unable to find work. If you can then go on to get some sort of business degree, it won't be terribly difficult to land yourself a healthcare administrative position, or anything else for that matter.

Don't over-romanticize the college lifestyle. Yeah, it's fun, but so much time can be wasted. I agree with globetrotter, being a 20-something freshman is not that uncommon. You would have a leg-up on your peers due to your experiences, and you wouldn't be broke waiting for mommy and daddy's weekly check. This would also help out in the lady-department.

And again, this is your life. You make the decisions. Talk with your parents and consider other options. Just don't go off on your own unless you have some sort of secure plan.

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I coulda sworn I read this same thread awhile ago