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How do I fix my social skills? - Page 2

post #16 of 100
Quote:
Originally Posted by Incman View Post
Thanks for the good advice guys. Yea, I'm not trying to just go throw myself on anyone, anywhere and start talking. I just want to be able to go up to someone (say in one of my classes or whatever), introduce myself, and be able to talk to them. But for some reason I find that near impossible in pretty much any situation. The talking part after I've been introduced is fine, but I can't bring myself to just walk up to someone and introduce myself. As I said though, I've been working on it lately, and hopefully it will just "click" sometime in the near future.


You have the exact opposite problem as tagutcow's.
post #17 of 100
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by unjung View Post
Join an intramural team. This will at least force you to spend some time with people you don't know.

Then start conversations by telling them about a great internet forum about men's fashion you frequent.

Where in Canada are you, by the way?

That's actually my plan; to join the intramural volleyball team next semester (ie. September). And I'm in Southern Ontario. Any particular reason why you ask?
post #18 of 100
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sho'nuff View Post
You have the exact opposite problem as tagutcow's.

I'm sorry, I don't understand what that means.
post #19 of 100
Quote:
Originally Posted by Incman View Post
Thanks for the good advice guys. Yea, I'm not trying to just go throw myself on anyone, anywhere and start talking. I just want to be able to go up to someone (say in one of my classes or whatever), introduce myself, and be able to talk to them. But for some reason I find that near impossible in pretty much any situation. The talking part after I've been introduced is fine, but I can't bring myself to just walk up to someone and introduce myself. As I said though, I've been working on it lately, and hopefully it will just "click" sometime in the near future.

When I said "Throw yourself to the wolves." some of you obviously misinterpreted. I should of been a little more clear. I wasn't implying for you to try hard which basically seems to me is what you are exactly doing... STOP TRYING SO HARD! I didn't say just go up to any person, and start talking about stupid shit. Just put yourself out there. You don't have to talk much to do this. Believe me people will know you as the "quiet guy." Watch, and observe how most people interact. If you have nothing to say... DON'T SAY ANYTHYNG! People will forgive your shyness, but after awhile you will be known as that boring fuck that doesn't talk, and has no friends.

Like I said "Throw yourself to the wolves", and face what you are scared of... people.
post #20 of 100
Watch how Peter Sellers behaves at a party where he knows nobody.

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post #21 of 100
Try to find opportunities to talk to people, rather than introducing yourself awkwardly for no reason, there are so many triggers and things to talk about between you and any other person, even if you don't know them. Also, confidence speaks louder than words; I know it's the biggest cliche in the book and you can't just snap your fingers and be confident, but remembering that you are a non-moronic individual with interests and aspirations. The people you speak with likely have no impact on your life unless you get to know them more, so there is really no rational reason to worry about what they think of you, stick to your guns and if you say something stupid, take it in stride.
post #22 of 100
Quote:
Originally Posted by XenoX101 View Post
Try to find opportunities to talk to people...

Indeed and as this is SF ask your prey about its clothes . . . 'excuse me and hope you don't mind my asking <insert silly question> . . . ' or random compliment them as an ice breaker.

All you need to do is find something you have in common and then prattle away.

Best of luck and as others have stated the confidence will come. Nothing wrong with being a gecko on the wall people watching too though. Not everyone needs to be a social butterfly after all.
post #23 of 100
There are several threads about this with some solid advice. I can't find them right now, but you have more incentive...
post #24 of 100
I would stay away from alcohol if you get nervous around people. It limits the cognitive resources you have to calm yourself down. Drinking will relax you, but if something makes you nervous when you're already drunk then you're pretty much screwed.
post #25 of 100
Quote:
Originally Posted by Incman View Post
I'm sorry, I don't understand what that means.

Tagutcow has the issue of being able to start conversations with anyone in class, but not being able to maintain that level of sociality he started initially, finding himself slowly disappear eventually.
post #26 of 100
definitely do not say "excuse me" or anything remotely apoogetic. just go up to someone and ask any stupid question, and then follow up with another, and another, etc calmly. get used to doing this, and smile. eventually your pussyness will go away, with practice.

also, never offer someone a drink as your first move, you'll come off as a butler. after a few mins of conversation, ask if they wanna grab a drink and go together.

careful not to come off as gay if talking to a guy. then everyone straight will avoid you. dressing too fancy will also cause this.
post #27 of 100
Oh yeah, also BE POSITIVE. never say your job sucks, or you're not good at talking, or whatever. It will quickly drive people away. Say you like things.
post #28 of 100
I like things.
post #29 of 100
It sounds like you are an introvert. That is not necessarily a bad thing. Some have already stated, get yourself in situations that are comfortable for you. I am similar to you. I don't bother going to these mass gatherings. It's either filled with extroverts who need and thrive off that kind of crowd's energy. Go to a more intimate setting. A get together of friends. A concert with a group of people. Etc, etc. You are still young. You'll find your niche. By the end of my freshman year in college and early sophomore year, I had a good group of friends and I wasn't worried about being at the raging frat party or keggarator.

----------------
Listening to: Radiohead - Permanent Daylight
via FoxyTunes
post #30 of 100
Same age and situation as you and also recently been to one of "those" parties- bad place to start. Like mentioned, it's a house with invisible walls everywhere. Not to stereotype but you could spark conversations and meet people in places where people you'd like to surround yourself with tend to go. I'm guessing frat parties don't really attract the noblest of creatures.
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