What to do with two bottles of Jim Beam - Page 2

Send them to me, I'll put them in my fridge and use them when i have guests over.

You keep bourbon in the fridge?

Keep them until the weather warms up, and make mint juleps.

This is a perfect time to experiment with different Bourbon cocktails. Beam's more than fine for mixing; hell, pour it in coffee on one of these cold nights. That'll work. Two recipes for you to try: Boulevardier

• 1 oz sweet vermouth
• 1 1/2 oz bourbon
• 1 oz Campari
• Twist of lemon peel, for garnish

Add ingredients to a mixing glass filled with ice. Stir vigorously and strain into a chilled cocktail glass, Garnish with a twist of lemon peel. Hunter's Cocktail

• 1 1/2 oz Jim Beam Bourbon
• 1 oz Luxardo Maraschino Liqueur (or other cherry liqueur. You can use cherry brandy and skip the splash below)
• Splash of Brandy
• Juice of 1/2 Lime

Pour bourbon, Luxardo, brandy, into a cocktail shaker over ice. Squeeze the lime into the shaker and shake vigorously. Strain into a high-ball glass over fresh ice, garnish with cherries. Or, send them to me and I'll dispose of them.

Mix with ginger ale. Drop in a wedge of lime. Profit.

Buy a pork butt. Throw pork butt in crock pot. Mix together 2 jiggers of your problematic Jim Beam, 1/2 cup soy sauce, 1/2 cup water, 1 cup brown sugar. Add a few cloves chopped garlic and a hunk of ginger to mixture. Pour over pork butt. Turn on crock pot for and leave for 8 hours. Eat.

SHOTS!!!!

Drive and operate heavy machinery.

You now know everything you can't do with 2 bottles of Jim Beam.

Jim Beam is my favorite Bourbon. I prefer scotch, but there's nothing wrong with the stuff.

^ Aside from its mediocre taste, even when considering the price point, I suppose you're right.

The black label is pretty decent for the price. White is shit.

Mix with molasses, vinegar, salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, some garlic to make a nice glaze. Mix with orange juice, salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, some garlic to make a nice marinate. Sorry I don't have a more specific recipe--I do the proportions to taste.

You dare insult Jim Beam? You must be what we red-blooded Southerner's call a "foreigner." Did the border patrol give you some sass, son? Did you eat some bad Freedom Fries? What's your problem with the finest blended bourbon made in the finest state in the finest country in God's whole earth? Hell, it's the best sellin' bourbon in the WORLD, son, and that includes whatever piss-ant country you're from.

I'm gonna guess you don't like Coca-Cola either - another fine southern product perfectly suited for mixin' with Jimmy B. I'm also gonna guess you don't like pussy, red meat, apple pie, pick up trucks, or black-powder firearms either. Well listen here, we got God, Guns, Guts, and Beam and we don't need your foreign opinions of our fine adult beverages. Keep 'em to yourself, limey (and I don't care if you aren't from England, you're all limeys to me). Hell, even this pansy likes Beam - you tougher than him?



You are probably a socialist, concerned about things like gas mileage and global warming. Well, son, you keep worrying about your fancy "science" and "poor people," and I'll sit back and sip on this fine bourbon & ice. Tasteless? Weak? That's what we call SMOOOOOTTTTHHH son. Smooth as your girlfriend's ass, and believe me, she likes southerners - she does the boot-scoot boogie in my bed if you know what I mean. She don't like your silly accent either.



** Note: this was a joke. I like your accent. I don't even really like Beam - I'm an Evan Williams fan myself ($10 a bottle, how can you go wrong?). I don't even know your girlfriend, execpt carnally, and I'm pretty sure she doesn't remember me - she was drinking a lot of tequila.