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The WAYWT Discussion Thread - Page 6487  

post #97291 of 117670
Originally Posted by BreezyBirch View Post

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)

This is an example of the type of commentary that makes me feel uncomfortable posting pictures of myself on the internet and is an example of the symptoms that this thread in particular, but I think styleforum in general exhibits (in this subforum, as far as I partake)- and I have a problem with that.

This is not calling you out at all, chinesealpha (still not sure if you're a sock), but since it's commentary from criticism on myself I thought I'd bring up some feelings I have about how our culture here has kind of formed around certain ideas that we should have about ourselves as men. Sorry to bring this up specifically, I'll pm you, but this is, I think, a more systemic thing that maybe we need to just have a check-in for the forum:

I realize saying something looks "good and sleazy" as a compliment is probably coming from the right place (maybe not?) but it's something I don't think we should be thinking of cool or acceptable. I'm a nice guy, a good guy, I don't appreciate being referred to in that way. This is the problem - I'm positive that the overwhelming majority of you guys who post here are total sweethearts and really nice dudes. Also remember that this place has huge traffic on top of the people we just see posting.

I don't think it's healthy for us to reinforce ideas of things looking "good and sleazy" (sorry to rehash, but just read the forum and you'll see the insidious way that language we use can play in even the things we see as positive). Why can't my sunglasses just look cool? Do you really have to point out if a "slutty-tee" would be helpful or should not have been used? Fuck, I'm sure there's more examples, somebody help me out. Your clothes shouldn't have to present you in some askance way that maybe seems cool on screen, or in idea, but in reality just isn't self serving, and I think that puts out the wrong message to people who frequent this forum.

If anything at all, you'd want your appearance and demeanour to show what a nice, good guy you are, rather than imitate an idea of an asshole. That immediately creates a disconnect with who you basically are and what you are portraying - leaves room for all kinds of disingenuousness . I just thing it would be cool if we could check ourselves sometimes, with the language we use in both positives and negatives. Because that contributes to the culture here, and in the way I'm talking about, is maybe something we should be more aware of how we're using it. Sure it's cool and the idea is pretty sexy and romantic or whatever - a dude in sunglasses or the crap you see in glossy mags all the time. But IMO that's an unhealthy. I think it'd be better for us to realize that, on the street, it's far, far better (IMHO) to see a regular dude and be like "hey, that guy is probably pretty nice, I bet I could talk to him about stuff." as opposed to "oh, dang that guy looks cool, or thinks he does, at least". I dunno - obviously some kind of interplay between the two...

So yeah - remember, guys, you're nice. It's better to come off that way than to come off aloof because you think you're cool.

Anyways, that's a smaller issue, really - but still super important: being disingenuous is super lame. Stay positive and don't stop smiling.

My HUGE problem I have with how to communicate with those brave enough to show pictures of themselves is commenting on their bodies. I'll requote what I have at the top - again not calling the critquer out per se, but more this behaviour in general.

In this particular case, whatever, I asked for it, and, yeah it's the internet, it's styleforum, you should be thicker skinned. I've been posting pictures of myself for four years here, I don't think my body type has really change all that much in that time - so obviously I know how I look. I'm just putting myself on the spot as an example - because this happens plennnnty - but I'm a generally pretty secure guy about my sense of self on all levels, but am still self conscious about stuff and pointing out stuff that is either obvious or just not helpful at all can be hurtful.

What I'm saying is, this is really, really a bad thing we're getting ourselves into. Some people are going to have shorter legs than others, some people are going to be fatter, some people are going to have other things going on with their bodies that we, for some reason, need to point out to them and to everyone. I mean, outside of fit of clothes and dressing for body type etc., that's one thing. But this just goes too far, and create complexes people have with their bodies that they shouldn't. We all have our insecurities and I think making comments about someones "gut" or about them looking "skinnyfat" or "fat" or "disproportionate" whatever the fuck can really fuck with how a guy feels about himself on the day to day.

There's shit loads of places on the internet and everywhere else in proper life where a man can get his fill of that - can we make this forum a place where, if we feel we must make commentary on our anatomy, can we do it generally, or maybe from a less critical place? Shame is not good place to start to instill change.

What's the first response you have when you feel shame? You look away. That is not a good start for inspiration.
This forum has millions of unique visitors, and when they visit our community as dudes want to look more stylish, dress cooler, "look better" and they're just coming in from nowhere, mouth agog and eyes wide open (obviously I'm not calling you dudes bumpkins by any means) and they start lurking, not posting, lurking and lurking, and they figure out the culture, they see what they think they have to change about themselves to live up to this ideal that nobody here capable of ever attaining. It's a recipe for self hatred, guys!

I totally support other men being active, working out, doing whatever to keep their bodies in good shape and in good health with good diet. What we are propagating here, though, is body dysmorphia. You know what? Your skin and muscle hangs off your bones the way it does and you can't do much about it and there is NOTHING WRONG with that ANYWAY. Sorry to sound preachy, but I just mean this as a check-in for ourselves. Something for us to be aware of as we go along our days and as we continue to post here.

We all want to look good, guys, who doesn't? I like to think I look alright - cool clothes (I like to think), alright looking, and in decent shape. In a make believe world I would probably have way more hair, be taller, be more muscular, and have a bunch of black belts. But I feel pretty good about myself as it is, by and large. But it's hard to keep that mien when the culture pushes you to constantly question things about yourself you can't change or for some reason you have to change.

I'm not espousing hand-holdingly gay positive affirmations about ourselves by any mean, I love the ball-busting nature we generally exhibit.

But just be careful, guys. You're nice dudes, not sleazy. You don't have to have the V shaped body with six pack abs to get people to accept you, or to accept yourself. New posters, keep posting - engage in the nature of things but also buck against the group-think when it seems to come from a place of instilling shame. Same goes for all of us who already post - let's not use shame as a starting ground to build up on our sense of manliness.

anyways...yeah. sorry for the long post - some things have just been bothering me more and more in the recent past here. i think most all of you as pretty cool dudes, but we get caught up in these ideals and then kinda propagate and it kinda just goes on and on without taking a step back to realise we're being too hard on ourselves, sometimes. i edited out my wawyt, 'cause I'm a baby, but it's spoilered in GT's post if you want to see it

am i like totally way off, or what?



This definitely needed to be said, and it's a problem with fashion/advertising in general.  We get sort of bombarded here with images of impossibly-proportioned people, and places like tumblr are even worse.  At 6 feet and in fairly good shape, which is totally acceptable by normal-people standards, a lot of the time I feel like I'm too short to wear certain clothes, or too bulky, or whatever, which is kind of ridiculous, considering.


Truth is that super skinny tall people will make the clothes look better, and that's why they're used as models - to show off the clothes.  But in real life you probably want it the other way around and want the clothes to make you look better. 


Anyway, Geller tees tend to just look like that on anyone with a chest.  

post #97292 of 117670
From my observations, as someone who at one point felt many of the same things you have outlined Breezy, feel that this place has been quite tame lately. For months even.

The moobs / slutty comment might have been stupid, but there's been much worse said about people in here.
post #97293 of 117670
Originally Posted by Jbravo View Post

 I agree with this dude BreezyBirch. Some people in here have no social skills, no communication skills whatsoever. Moreover,  some people here act like total dicks. Over-the-top arrogant dicks. And if these dicks happen to have lots of posts on this forum, they're considered by some as alpha-dicks, being worshiped and followed by less powerful dicks (the ones with smaller post count) . That's ridiculous. I really don't understand why some asshole who has made billion stupid posts is more important that someone with 10 posts. I'll give you, dicks, a good advice: never tell anyone something you would not dare to tell in real life within the striking distance . The fear of losing your teeth should not be the only reason for being polite to other people.



post #97294 of 117670
OFF-TOPIC, shitting on thread.
post #97295 of 117670
you assholes aren't respecting mah authoritah!

screw you guys i'm going home
post #97296 of 117670
Haha! That's from South Park!!!
post #97297 of 117670
Originally Posted by elisiX View Post

From my observations, as someone who at one point felt many of the same things you have outlined Breezy, feel that this place has been quite tame lately. For months even.

The moobs / slutty comment might have been stupid, but there's been much worse said about people in here.

elisX i think you're probably right. but i don't really care all that much about about the critqiue of my outfit per se - i've been posting pics here for a little while now so im generally pretty ok with how i look. was just soapboxing myself to make a point

plus i'm probably just being sensitive because i was up all night
Edited by BreezyBirch - 7/1/13 at 10:27am
post #97298 of 117670
I always like breezy fits because not only are the clothes cool but dude also always has an awesome grin or dumb ear-to-ear smile on his face and that always makes me feel good
post #97299 of 117670
what do you guys think about the other part of my rant? like...misrepresenting ourselves in a way to give off some whatever cool vibe instead of like a good ol' "what up internets"
post #97300 of 117670

low sodium donuts?

post #97301 of 117670
Breezy did you remove the fit pic?
post #97302 of 117670
it's back up. seemed silly to take it down for principal - as long as i look GOOD AMIRITE
post #97303 of 117670
Breezy, what do you expect? The internet makes it incredibly easy to create a facade. You're going to get fakers, tryhards, trolls, assholes, ihas9inchdickbutonlyontheinternet, and people like me as soon as you create the opportunity to wear a mask. smile.gif
post #97304 of 117670

That was a post that needed to be made, Breezy. And FWIW I've always thought you were one of the coolest dudes on this forum, both your clothes and your happy face/good persona.


I've always frowned to myself about the comments made on people's bodies in this thread, I mean this is a forum about clothes and how we wear them and someone's weight/body shape shouldn't ever be brought into question, IMO. But I guess it's more a societal problem rather than a problem with the forum itself. 


Yeah and as far as the creating an inaccurate image of yourself here, I mean, it's the internet, posting on here you get to pick and choose what people get to see of you, I'm not going to post shit I don't like about myself up on here and I doubt many other people would, so you're really only going to see the sides of people that they like, it's inevitable really..


*pat on the back for making a post I have never had the balls to make*

post #97305 of 117670
nahneun - yeah i know, dude. normally i don't care - but for some reason i was feeling cranky...must have been the donuts

edit: thx slstr
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