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Dating Scene- What are the do's and dont's on the first date?

post #1 of 66
Thread Starter 
I am new to this forum. I have been reading it alot and its really worth it. So to the point. I am 20 m college student. I meet plenty of girls and I am easy going. I have no problem striking conversations and have no problem asking them out. Now, the part that comes after you have asked the girl out for a movie or dinner or to your place to watch soccer matches etc. I dont really know what to do or say. I have had almost 4 dates in the past 3 months and I havn't been able to getr anywhere. I can't say that I am shy because I have no problem asking them out. But, what do you really do when you go out. Most of the times they have conversations that dont interest me or I have no clue what they are talking about. Any recommendations. How do I make my first move? Do I wait for her? what could be the possible first move? HELP
post #2 of 66
Is this really about dos and don'ts; or are you asking how to get your date into the sack on your first date? Two completely different topics.
post #3 of 66
Here's my advice as a 30-something who is about to get married (so I must have done something right):

1. If certain about her interest take her out for dinner. Make reservations, Pick them up, open her door, hold her chair; do all the things you should.

2. If you are a little less sure about how interested she is, suggest lunch. It is far less of a commitment. Do same as above (reservations only if needed).

3. On the date: make sure you have educated yourself. What is it that women talk about that doesn't interest you or you don't know anything about? Learn something about the things you "don't have a clue about". If you just aren't interested in what they're talking about, take it as a sign you aren't a good match. Do not talk about politics or religion unless you are 100% certain you will agree 100% with her.

Now, what is it you try to talk to them about? Obviously it should be what interests you. But you always have to compromise. And she should too. Here come the gross stereotypes: So if you are obsessed with Cricket but she isn't, drop it. If she is obsessed with marine biology and you aren't, then she should drop it too. Try to find common ground.

4. At the end of the date: thank her for the good time (even if you think it sucked) give her no more than a kiss on the cheek and (if true) tell her that you hope you can do it again (the date, not the kiss). Do not invite her back to your place unless she is foaming at the mouth for it.

5. Do not ask her to your place to watch football. I'm engaged and I don't ask my fiancee to watch the world cup or F1 racing with me. That she showed interest in/tried to learn about F1 was a sign that she cared for me. Really, for a first date, asking her to your place is never a good idea imo.


Hmmm, can't think of anything else. I'm dying to know what it is they are talking about on your dates. You're the age of my students and I'm always interested in what "the kids" are into these days.

bob
post #4 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackberry
what could be the possible first move? HELP

How do you feel about roofies?
post #5 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by rdawson808
Do not invite her back to your place unless she is foaming at the mouth for it.

Hmm..I'm not sure what to think of this. This girl is either about to puke or she has rabies? In either case, you don't want to invite her home.
post #6 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkNWorn
Hmm..I'm not sure what to think of this. This girl is either about to puke or she has rabies? In either case, you don't want to invite her home.

Shave down an Alka Seltzer to the shape of an Altoid, and then give it to her.

Anyway, while a happy medium of mutual interest is the best, I think the first date is when you want to be talking about her interests. By "talking about her interests" I mean having her do most of the talking - be interested in the conversation and ask open ended questions. I've read some things that say that you should poke fun at her in a playful (not malicious) way. Confidence doesn't sound like a problem for you, so that's good.

Sound advice thus far; brushing up on general knowledge can't hurt, and lunch is definitely a good, safe date as you don't have to worry about "going back to your place" or anything else afterwards. Think about your dates and how you can guide them by asking good questions - hopefully you can let her do most of the talking on topics you're somewhat interested in; as you get to know her better (and vice versa) things will hopefully naturally progress.
post #7 of 66
Sounds like its your casual, fun demeanor that attracted her in the first place, so keep that frame of mind going into the date. Don't put too much pressure on yourself else you will continously be thinking about what to do next. I think you're ideas on where to take her are spot on, a drink at a campus bar, throwing around a frisbee in the park, at home to watch a soccer game if she's into it, even just studying together can be fun, avoid lunches and dinners until you get to know her better, they put too much pressure on both of you.

Girls love talking about two things relationships and the unknown avoid anything logical. So make sure you have stories about both that are exciting. Become good at storytelling and embellish a bit to make them interesting. Whenever talking about relationships, even if its about you, talk about it as if its your friend. You can turn her on by speaking about sexual things as long as their in relation to someone else and not you two. ie: my female friend was on a bus and this guy came upto her and said xxx sexual thing, what would you do.

Teasing is key, make sure there is sexual tension by teasing and flirting. ie: slap hands, thumbwrestling, any childhood games are great. Once you catch the vibe that she is looking at you too long, perhaps making nervous gestures around you, just a weird vibe in general, she wants to be kissed. Stroke her hair and than lean in slowly and kiss her. Try and make it spontaneous. Make the first kiss short and sweet and than back off and make it no big deal, than do it again and again and again, each time pushing it further.

As for not understanding what she's saying, if you lead the conversation, you will always understand the thread, so make sure you plan ahead, have topics of conversation ready and think about every possible way the conversation could go. Failing to plan is planning to fail. And if she still talks about nonsense, call her on it in a playful way, she will appreciate it, rather than you pretending to listen, or worse being rude and not listening.

Its easier than you think....now all you have to worry about is.....what to wear!
post #8 of 66
If you just want to get laid on the 1st date, don't do the whole "take out to nice dinner, open doors, pull out chair" bit.

As Dakota Rube mentioned, just banging chicks quickly is completely different dynamic than getting involved in a relationship.

The majority of my gal pals have this mentality that if the guy is a potential boyfriend, she wont fuck him too early on (I guess so he doesnt think she is the slut she probably is). But she'll fuck other types of guys on the first date if they click & she is into him physically, and knows that he isnt longterm material (probably because he acts like an asshole)

There's def something to be said for Tom Leykis' "Leykis 101 on getting laid" (syndicated radio talk show host)
post #9 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackberry
Most of the times they have conversations that dont interest me or I have no clue what they are talking about. Any recommendations.

hmm. i think you need to find someone with whom you actually share common interests...
guys that i am interested in, we usually have some common interests such as music, fashion, etc. i've dated people really opposite of me but it's never worked out and i usually feel like im trying to change them/change for them a bit to accomodate or compensate. meh. good luck!
post #10 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Get Smart
If you just want to get laid on the 1st date, don't do the whole "take out to nice dinner, open doors, pull out chair" bit.

As Dakota Rube mentioned, just banging chicks quickly is completely different dynamic than getting involved in a relationship.

The majority of my gal pals have this mentality that if the guy is a potential boyfriend, she wont fuck him too early on (I guess so he doesnt think she is the slut she probably is). But she'll fuck other types of guys on the first date if they click & she is into him physically, and knows that he isnt longterm material (probably because he acts like an asshole)

There's def something to be said for Tom Leykis' "Leykis 101 on getting laid" (syndicated radio talk show host)

So true. If you want to get laid on the first date, don't do long-term material stuff, like opening doors, etc.
post #11 of 66
I knew this was coming; at least you were upfront about it. Here are some of my tips to GARONTEE action in the sheets (just add alcohol).

1.\tDress the part, you’re looking for a physical and shallow attraction here.
2.\tKeep the conversation light and about her mostly, its shows you’re interested.
3.\tMake sure your stories about yourself make an impact; they have to be funny, short, and show you in a good light.
4.\tSteer the conversation towards sex or sexual themed jokes that are actually funny or innuendos; get her thinking about the sack.
5.\tSpeak in a soft layed back manner, pull her attention in, get her interested in what you’re saying and be sure to keep her attention.
6.\tThe subliminal stuff, don’t get caught starring at her breast but do from time to time glance from her eyes to your crotch, she will follow the line of sight.
7.\tSeal the deal, at some point through the course of the night start making physical contact, if she initiates this then be sure to follow up. If she is comfortable with you touching her than it’s yours to loose at this point.
8.\tDon’t take anything I’ve said that serious, I’m just pulling your chain.

P.S. Don’t forget after you’ve done the deed ask her if she road the train to “O” town, it shows you’re confident in your skills as a lover and care about her needs.
post #12 of 66
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rome
P.S. Don’t forget after you’ve done the deed ask her if she road the train to “O” town, it shows you’re confident in your skills as a lover and care about her needs.
If you know what you're doing, you'd have known if she rode the O train. Keep in mind that women do not think rationally as men do most of the time. They "feel" things. (I'm gonna get major wrath on this statement, but I don't care, it works.) Don't talk about anything concrete, talk about abstract, fluffy, fantasy/dreamy type stuff. Get her to imagine what it feels like to be around with you all of the time. The key to getting laid is "kino," meaning well placed and well timed body-to-body and skin-to-skin contacts. If she's somewhat in to you, this will get her temperature rising. Do: be natural. Don't: try too hard. Good luck. And no matter what happens, remember that there are millions of other fishes in the sea. Don't get caught up in any one girl and lose your self-respect while in the pursuit for some pussay.
post #13 of 66
Thread Starter 
[quote=DarkNWorn]If you know what you're doing, you'd have known if she rode the O train.

Keep in mind that women do not think rationally as men do most of the time. They "feel" things. (I'm gonna get major wrath on this statement, but I don't care, it works.) Don't talk about anything concrete, talk about abstract, fluffy, fantasy/dreamy type stuff. Get her to imagine what it feels like to be around with you all of the time.

The key to getting laid is "kino," meaning well placed and well timed body-to-body and skin-to-skin contacts. If she's somewhat in to you, this will get her temperature rising.

Do: be natural.
Don't: try too hard.

I think today was the last I saw her. I could get the vibes she didn't want me. I have given up. I want to concentrate more on my academics, coz I dont know when will be the day I ll get laid. I am 20 ain't laid yet. I have 2 more years in college, after I graduate I rather pay to have sex without any hassel rather than go through so much crap which is not even worth it. There are guys out there who are good at it. And the worst fukin part they keep gettin good at it? And damn these fukin dumb girls they dont seem to get it....and then later CRY....I think I rather pay to have fun than go through all this crap? I dont really beleive in Long term Relationships? ... What do u say? and by the way wats the "O" train ?
post #14 of 66
O...rgasm.

Sounds like you just want to get the first time out of the way. Go loosen up with a few drinks at a party and find a similarly addled girl, and be ballsy. But nothing criminal, of course.
post #15 of 66
You could also just ask them if they want to screw when you are almost done with the date. From what I remember, that actually worked pretty well for me. It certainly avoided misunderstandings and I would say that the yeses outnumbered the nos. It has been a long time, so my advice might not be all that good.
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