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Tips for building and exuding confidence

Simon Templar

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Originally Posted by longskate88
From a psychological perspective, qualify other people before they qualify you: If you see a cute girl, ask yourself "Why should I like her?" instead of "why should she like me?"

Basically shift the focus off you, onto them, to prevent yourself from being too self-conscious or wondering what they think of you.

I also heard "Be interested rather than interesting" meaning ask questions, find out what makes someone tick, and reinforce that you're listening by rephrasing what the person just told you and saying it back to them. Remember, people love to talk about themselves. Get them talking and listen well, and that again shifts the spotlight off you.

Also like others have said, have a passion or something you do well. Doesn't have to be fancy, try something simple like knowing how to pick a wine, grill a perfect steak, know some great little restaurants in your city, etc. Basically have something to share.

Are you looking for confidence in general, or with women, etc? What exactly are you insecure about? Personally I'm insecure about my posture for example, so I try and work out to target my posture, and consciously remember to correct it often.


Good advice! When meeting new people, have a few conversation starters ready that require longer, more personal answers eg how/why do you feel about, what are your impressions of etc.

Avoid questions resulting in yes or no answers. If the other person is not showing much interest, gracefully excuse yourself.
 

Mr T

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Originally Posted by HORNS
Two words: ass pennies.

Thanks for the laugh - never gets old.
 

Trompe le Monde

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Originally Posted by Wallcloud
Eat a human being. You will then harness his strength. People will be able to sense this.

worship.gif
 

binge

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Edit all your posts, replacing the contents with ".."
 

Skepsis

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also examining your style and posture and so forth can build confidence. if you are wearing something that you like, you will feel more confident. items or activities of self improvement help boost my confidence, whether its wearing nice things, working out in the gym, or driving a nice car.
 

LA Guy

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Originally Posted by designprofessor
when speaking publicly -know your subject inside and out. Takes the edge off, and a more relaxed delivery is a more confident delivery. This has been my experience.

Originally Posted by medtech_expat
+1

From a purely physical perspective, work out and maintain correct posture. This in addition to designprofessor's comment should cover you 95% of the time.


I'd say that this pretty much sums it up. You'll be confident enough to be humble, which goes a long way. I must disagree with philosophe's advice "to be comfortable with yourself". I think that is a fallacy that our society espouses. I think that it is much better to examine the failings which make us uncomfortable. If they are within our power to change them, we should. If we cannot, only then should be accept them.

I hear the "be comfortable with yourself" addressed to fat people on a regular basis, and I don't think that it helps their self-esteem any. Better advice would be "Go on a diet and get to a gym." Silken Laumann managed to train herself into an Olympic Bronze medal from a hospital bed, so most people's excuses ("I don't have enough time", "It's my genetics") are bullshit to mask a profound lack of self-discipline.
 

ChicagoRon

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This is a bit of a combined recap of many above posts, but here is my advice...

Stop caring what other people think of you. Be polite, courteous, considerate, etc. But don't concern yourself with approval. Figure out what you really enjoy, and learn about it, do it, enjoy it.

It's a theme throughout life and art. Usually, the least "cool" people are actually the most envied. There are people all over trying to pretend they are something they aren't, just to fit in. Those people are miserable, and can't possibly be confident because they are waiting to be "found out".

On the flip side, take a character like Howard Roark, who was so unconcerned with other people's approval, he actually made other people feel small around him. It's a power thing. When people realize they can't influence you, they are awed by you.
 

TGPlastic

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Seriously: whack off to a picture of yourself. This really works. And it's not gay.
 

GQgeek

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Spend a lot of time with Conne.
 

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