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Messed up and slept with a colleague...

post #1 of 176
Thread Starter 
Crap. So I am stuck with this chick for at least a year on a project. I basically spend like 40+ hours a week with her.

She is really hot, smart, interesting, and super sexual. But I'm a strong believer in "don't shit where you eat" philosophy. Long story short: work party, lots of alcohol, wake up naked in bed together.

I really don't know how to handle it properly. I actually like her a lot but don't necessarily think it's a good idea to continue.
post #2 of 176
Say something to her like "I really don't know how to handle it properly. I actually like [..] [you] a lot but don't necessarily think it's a good idea to continue."
post #3 of 176
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CDFS View Post
Say something to her like "I really don't know how to handle it properly. I actually like [..] [you] a lot but don't necessarily think it's a good idea to continue."

Not bad but
A. Don't wanna admit I like like her (no problems telling her she's hot and smart and interesting.
B. The second part is sort of messy as well.. hmm
post #4 of 176
man just learn to compartmentalize the various aspects of your life when around her in public, act like a colleague, and DONT EXPECT ANY SPECIAL TREATMENT. if you do, youre playing it wrong. if she goes out of her way to be with you alone again, or makes some kind of move, then let the cards fall where they may (i.e. fuck her again). but each time youre back at work, just be cool. either she will end it herself, or she will be fine with this, which means youve found yourself a girl on the side. either way if you take no further steps, it will end eventually, which seems to be what you want. dont overthink things
post #5 of 176
I would hope that all women who've slept with me liked me at the time...

She probably has the same reservations and/or will easely admit to having such when 'pressured' into them by your expressed reservations, one would think.
post #6 of 176
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by oman View Post
man just learn to compartmentalize the various aspects of your life

when around her in public, act like a colleague, and DONT EXPECT ANY SPECIAL TREATMENT. if you do, youre playing it wrong.

if she goes out of her way to be with you alone again, or makes some kind of move, then let the cards fall where they may (i.e. fuck her again). but each time youre back at work, just be cool.

either she will end it herself, or she will be fine with this, which means youve found yourself a girl on the side. either way if you take no further steps, it will end eventually, which seems to be what you want. dont overthink things

I think you may be right... There isn't really anything legal or work related that I am in danger of violating.. Maybe I should just let it go whichever way..

But at the same time let's be honest here, I can choose at this point where I want it to go, it's more up to me than her.
post #7 of 176
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flambeur View Post
But at the same time let's be honest here, I can choose at this point where I want it to go, it's more up to me than her.

why is that?
post #8 of 176
Quote:
Originally Posted by CDFS View Post
Say something to her like "I really don't know how to handle it properly. I actually like [..] [you] a lot but don't necessarily think it's a good idea to continue."

Seriously

I bet she is thinking the same exact thing.
post #9 of 176
Here's a thought:

Sit down with her and ask her what she thinks about the situation, instead of trying to tiptoe around whatever you (or the strangers on this board) think that she might be feeling.

If you can both talk about it afterward, future tension will be minimized.
post #10 of 176
This threak is useless without pics. There, I've said it.
post #11 of 176
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flambeur View Post
Not bad but
A. Don't wanna admit I like like her (no problems telling her she's hot and smart and interesting.
B. The second part is sort of messy as well.. hmm


This seems to be very common, but I don't understand why. It is not unreasonable to like/be interested in someone. True, it can make one feel somewhat vulnerable, but it doesn't necessarily give the person power over you.
post #12 of 176
I did the same thing back when I was single...wound up marrying the girl and having 2 kids...she's still my wife, and we still work together...let it ride man, you never know, one day you may be kicking yourself for abiding by a rule. Matters of the heart (or dick) have no rules.
post #13 of 176
Show her this thread.
post #14 of 176
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by NewYorkRanger View Post
I did the same thing back when I was single...wound up marrying the girl and having 2 kids...she's still my wife, and we still work together...let it ride man, you never know, one day you may be kicking yourself for abiding by a rule. Matters of the heart (or dick) have no rules.

I'm gonna quote you on that
post #15 of 176
Quote:
Originally Posted by Flambeur View Post
I think you may be right... There isn't really anything legal or work related that I am in danger of violating.. Maybe I should just let it go whichever way.. But at the same time let's be honest here, I can choose at this point where I want it to go, it's more up to me than her.
The biggest danger is that you continue it and for whatever reason it ends badly and your personal shit gets dragged into the office. Right now it sounds like you could end it and things would go on as normal. If you continue to see her and treat her as a booty call, watch out, even if she seems cool with it at first. And is she a colleague or are you her superior?
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