Tips and etiquette for proposing?

anyone know if homosexuals typically abide by these conventions?

Originally Posted by sunror

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anyone know if homosexuals typically abide by these conventions?

Lately, I tire easely.

Can anyone help me with that? I'd be much obliged.

Originally Posted by Davidko19

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Tip: Dont do it.

+1,000

Originally Posted by JLibourel

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+1,000

Have a ring.

Don't ask her parents if you already live together and didn't ask about that.

Don't get drunk.

Don't if she's drunk.

Not in public.

No tricks.

Just play it straight.

Give her the knee thing.

Have a near-term time frame for getting married. Don't start one of those indef forever engagements. That **** is dumb.

Originally Posted by JustinW

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Well put.

Even though you may really be informing the father or parents rather than seeking their permission, it is nice for them to hear it from you first. If nothing else, it means that your fiance won't be left to break the news to them and get a reaction like "who?", "hahahahah, good one!" or "are really you sure?"

Dropping to a knee in a public place can feel rather dorky and old-fashioned, but I suspect you'd regret not doing it 100% in the future .... and it's nice to give the wife-to-be some nice stories to tell in the future about her romantic husband.

The place you propose is kinda important - people really do ask about those sort of details years later and it is also nice to have "our place". Also think about what you'll do for the rest of the day after dropping the question (assuming she doesn't say no and you head off to the pub to get shitfaced) - going home together to watch TV might seem an anticlimax, so maybe book a restaurant or something for that night.

Thanks for the great (and practical) advice. Yeah, the knee thing does seem kinda dorky to me, but I'd be willing to completely swallow my pride to make it romantic to her. I'd been thinking about doing it after dinner, but that's true that it might be better to plan stuff like that for after instead. As for place, I was thinking about the beach, on a hike, or while camping somewhere nice...how do those sound? The only thing is that those aren't things we do that often, so I'm wondering if that would send a red flag that a proposal is afoot?

Originally Posted by TGPlastic

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Don't ask her parents if you already live together and didn't ask about that.

Don't get drunk.

Don't if she's drunk.

Not in public.

No tricks.

Just play it straight.

Give her the knee thing.

Have a near-term time frame for getting married. Don't start one of those indef forever engagements. That **** is dumb.

All good points as well. so how much time, generally speaking, should you give yourself between the time of the proposal and the marriage?

Originally Posted by MrG

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When are men going to learn? Women want romance, not Mr Toad's Wild Ride!

So...Pirates of the Caribbean, then?

Originally Posted by TGPlastic

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Don't get drunk.

Don't if she's drunk.

Not in public.

No tricks.

Just play it straight.

Give her the knee thing.

Have a near-term time frame for getting married. Don't start one of those indef forever engagements. That **** is dumb.

I think this is a great list. Tricks and "cute" are a terrible idea. This is a serious, important thing. If you feel you need to resort to showmanship in the proposal, you might have the wrong girl. On the engagement, yeah, get engaged to get married, not as some kind of long term relationship circling pattern.

Originally Posted by darkshades

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As for place, I was thinking about the beach, on a hike, or while camping somewhere nice...how do those sound? The only thing is that those aren't things we do that often, so I'm wondering if that would send a red flag that a proposal is afoot?

I think the beach or on a hike are both excellent ideas. I did the proposal thing last year in a very nice park - it was all I could do to act normal, make small-talk and not grin like an idiot from the moment I picked her up, so first chance we got a private moment my knee hit the ground.

I wouldn't worry too much about the red flag, but if it is really an issue you could probably cover it. Maybe make a few trips to that place beforehand before the big day? You could also get a sense of what she thinks of the location that way, too.

Originally Posted by darkshades

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All good points as well. so how much time, generally speaking, should you give yourself between the time of the proposal and the marriage?

Depends on how big/formal you both want the wedding. A lot of people will tell you it takes 12 months to plan a wedding, though I think you can safely halve that unless you want the full SF-approved gala event. While you don't want her to feel rushed, I understand you don't also want to look like you are dragging your feet. I'd play it safe and just make it clear that you want to start planning the wedding straight away - don't put a timeframe on it.

Best of luck to you!

I got engaged this year and thought through all this stuff too.

My advice on asking permission: I wouldn't put it in terms of "permission"---rather, I'd put it in terms of their blessing. "Your daughter means _______ to me. I intend to ask your daughter to marry me, and I'd like to do so with your blessing." Then it's their turn to talk, cry and hug you.

If they are even remotely traditional they'll really appreciate the gesture and will be talking about it forever. OMG, especially if your future wife-to-be has a sister and the sister's fiance asked for their blessing and you didn't. Eeek. Yeah: can't really ever go wrong asking for their blessing, but you could go wrong in not asking.

If you live far away from them... I'm not sure how I feel about bothering with the phone call. It seems like a cold thing to do, but every etiquette source I read said that you should do it. To me, that's a coin flip and you probably can't go wrong with just proposing and letting your fiance surprise them. That one's difficult.

Tip: if you are asking in person and they get all excited and want to see the ring, don't do it. That's something that their daughter will want to show off after she's been the first to see it.

As for things being cliche or played out... some things are special between you two, and if the most special thing happens to be cliche. It's better than being too crazy with some sort of creative gimmick. I'll take classic over gimmicky.

Good luck!

Originally Posted by darkshades

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Thanks for the great (and practical) advice. Yeah, the knee thing does seem kinda dorky to me, but I'd be willing to completely swallow my pride to make it romantic to her. I'd been thinking about doing it after dinner, but that's true that it might be better to plan stuff like that for after instead. As for place, I was thinking about the beach, on a hike, or while camping somewhere nice...how do those sound? The only thing is that those aren't things we do that often, so I'm wondering if that would send a red flag that a proposal is afoot?

All good points as well. so how much time, generally speaking, should you give yourself between the time of the proposal and the marriage?

Forgot about these:

I wouldn't worry about telegraphing the proposal. Surprise is only one factor that can make the proposal a happy memory. If you walked into her place of work and proposed while she was busy in a meeting, that would be surprising---but potentially unromantic and terrible. So I like your ideas, even if doing them makes her start wondering, "is he going to propose to me?" Besides, you can use a little misdirection to throw her off the trail if you need to.

As for timing, here's a consideration. If you guys live in a city where stuff (venues, photographers, churches, etc.) get booked 10 months in advance, you may be doing her a favor giving yourselves 12 months of engagement time so you can book venues at the top of your list. I don't know---you guys may not care about that sort of stuff. But some women do. In Chicago, for example, some wedding venues are booked a year or more in advance in popular wedding months. But you can have a great wedding on 6 months notice, because there are so many venues. It's just that a few of the top/obvious places get snatched really early.

Awesome guys, thank you! That's a great idea about going to the place a few times beforehand to see how she feels about it and to make it seem not as out of the norm when it's the time (though that'd probably rule out doing it on a trip). And half a year to a year makes sense when you put it in terms of booking a place/photographers/etc. and planning everything. I'll be honest...I hadn't even started thinking about all that stuff. Finding a ring and a way to propose seem like quite the ordeal in and of themselves. P.S. That's also a good point about not showing her family the ring...I never even would have thought of it like that till it was too late.

Originally Posted by darkshades

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Awesome guys, thank you! That's a great idea about going to the place a few times beforehand to see how she feels about it and to make it seem not as out of the norm when it's the time (though that'd probably rule out doing it on a trip). And half a year to a year makes sense when you put it in terms of booking a place/photographers/etc. and planning everything. I'll be honest...I hadn't even started thinking about all that stuff. Finding a ring and a way to propose seem like quite the ordeal in and of themselves.

P.S. That's also a good point about not showing her family the ring...I never even would have thought of it like that till it was too late.
She may want to have a say on the final date...

I personally do not believe in the kneel thing. If marriage is about equality then I kneel to no one.