Styleforum › Forums › General › General Chat › Tips and etiquette for proposing?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Tips and etiquette for proposing?

post #1 of 40
12/21/09 at 3:30pm
Thread Starter 
So I've been thinking about proposing for some time now and have a couple ideas for the place, but I was looking to see if you guys had any tips or guidelines for me.

I'm wondering first of all if there are any universal do's and don'ts--I'd think going on the knee is a Do and proposing on jumbotron is a Don't, for instance. Anything else of that nature? Do people still ask the parents and how formal is it supposed to be if you do it?

On the one hand I wouldn't want the proposal to feel TOO formal since that's not really us, but on the other hand I still want it to be special, romantic, proper, etc. I wouldn't want her to feel like there was anything missing from the proposal in other words. How did you guys come up with a way to do it? Anything you wish you'd known? Thanks gents.
Reply
Reply
post #2 of 40
12/21/09 at 3:39pm
definitely ask the father first; in person if you live close by or over telephone if not.
Reply
Reply
post #3 of 40
12/21/09 at 3:45pm
Only if she's under 16 years old. Else I would let her decide first. Kunk once posted a decent site here. It was from a friend...\\ Found it In my memory it debunked some bridal fallacies and was quite a fun read.
Reply
Reply
post #4 of 40
12/21/09 at 3:47pm
Well asking her father is really all just a formality. You're not asking him if it's ok, you're telling him you're going to do it. And unless he has a good reason to say no, which only you would know, it's a nice gesture. Other than that, only you would really know the best way to propose.
Reply
Reply
post #5 of 40
12/21/09 at 4:12pm
The most formal and most romantic possible way to propose is to take her to Universal Studios and pop the question right when Jaws comes out of the water.
Reply
Reply
post #6 of 40
12/21/09 at 4:14pm
Tip: Dont do it.
Reply
Reply
post #7 of 40
12/21/09 at 4:14pm
Always tip 20% when proposing. 15% if she says no.
Reply
Reply
post #8 of 40
12/21/09 at 4:17pm
Count me as one of the people who thinks it's still nice to ask her father. I don't think it's a requirement anymore, but it's still a nice gesture. It also shows respect to your new family when you ask for their blessing. Most women I've met (my wife included) appreciate it, even if they don't feel it's necessary. Everything about weddings is steeped in anachronistic traditions anyway; there's no reason to leave this one out for the sake of bucking tradition.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Milhouse View Post
The most formal and most romantic possible way to propose is to take her to Universal Studios and pop the question right when Jaws comes out of the water.

When are men going to learn? Women want romance, not Mr Toad's Wild Ride!
Reply
Reply
post #9 of 40
12/21/09 at 4:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrG View Post
When are men going to learn? Women want romance, not Mr Toad's Wild Ride!

That's not what she said!
Reply
Reply
post #10 of 40
12/21/09 at 5:08pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrG View Post
Count me as one of the people who thinks it's still nice to ask her father. I don't think it's a requirement anymore, but it's still a nice gesture. It also shows respect to your new family when you ask for their blessing. Most women I've met (my wife included) appreciate it, even if they don't feel it's necessary. Everything about weddings is steeped in anachronistic traditions anyway; there's no reason to leave this one out for the sake of bucking tradition.

Well put.

Even though you may really be informing the father or parents rather than seeking their permission, it is nice for them to hear it from you first. If nothing else, it means that your fiance won't be left to break the news to them and get a reaction like "who?", "hahahahah, good one!" or "are really you sure?"

Dropping to a knee in a public place can feel rather dorky and old-fashioned, but I suspect you'd regret not doing it 100% in the future .... and it's nice to give the wife-to-be some nice stories to tell in the future about her romantic husband.

The place you propose is kinda important - people really do ask about those sort of details years later and it is also nice to have "our place". Also think about what you'll do for the rest of the day after dropping the question (assuming she doesn't say no and you head off to the pub to get shitfaced) - going home together to watch TV might seem an anticlimax, so maybe book a restaurant or something for that night.
Reply
Reply
post #11 of 40
12/21/09 at 5:14pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Milhouse View Post
The most formal and most romantic possible way to propose is to take her to Universal Studios and pop the question right when Jaws comes out of the water.
Brilliant.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MetroStyles View Post
Always tip 20% when proposing. 15% if she says no.
I guess I had that coming.
Quote:
Originally Posted by tor View Post
Well asking her father is really all just a formality. You're not asking him if it's ok, you're telling him you're going to do it. And unless he has a good reason to say no, which only you would know, it's a nice gesture. Other than that, only you would really know the best way to propose.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrG View Post
Count me as one of the people who thinks it's still nice to ask her father. I don't think it's a requirement anymore, but it's still a nice gesture. It also shows respect to your new family when you ask for their blessing. Most women I've met (my wife included) appreciate it, even if they don't feel it's necessary. Everything about weddings is steeped in anachronistic traditions anyway; there's no reason to leave this one out for the sake of bucking tradition.
I agree that it's a nice gesture. So I would definitely talk with him. But does that mean I'd formally ask or just tell him what my intentions are? Which is more respectful/respectable route in your guys' opinion? Also, what do you guys think about proposing on Christmas, her birthday, our anniversary, etc.? Romantic or played out?
Reply
Reply
post #12 of 40
12/21/09 at 5:18pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkshades View Post
I agree that it's a nice gesture. So I would definitely talk with him. But does that mean I'd formally ask or just tell him what my intentions are? Which is more respectful/respectable route in your guys' opinion?
Depends what they are like & how well you know them. I think I sorta said something like "with your permission, I intend to propose to your daughter".
Quote:
Originally Posted by darkshades View Post
Also, what do you guys think about proposing on Christmas, her birthday, our anniversary, etc.? Romantic or played out?
Valentine's Day is getting close Otherwise you are kinda cheating her out of a Day by making it Birthday/Anniversary Day or Xmas/Anniversary Day, etc.
Reply
Reply
post #13 of 40
12/21/09 at 5:18pm
Don't do it in front of an audience. Don't do it on her birthday, her mothers birthday, the birthday of our savior and lord Jezus Christ. Anniversery, maybe.
Reply
Reply
post #14 of 40
12/21/09 at 5:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by unjung View Post
That's not what she said!

Be fair, everyone wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustinW View Post
Well put.

Even though you may really be informing the father or parents rather than seeking their permission, it is nice for them to hear it from you first. If nothing else, it means that your fiance won't be left to break the news to them and get a reaction like "who?", "hahahahah, good one!" or "are really you sure?"

Dropping to a knee in a public place can feel rather dorky and old-fashioned, but I suspect you'd regret not doing it 100% in the future .... and it's nice to give the wife-to-be some nice stories to tell in the future about her romantic husband.

The place you propose is kinda important - people really do ask about those sort of details years later and it is also nice to have "our place". Also think about what you'll do for the rest of the day after dropping the question (assuming she doesn't say no and you head off to the pub to get shitfaced) - going home together to watch TV might seem an anticlimax, so maybe book a restaurant or something for that night.

Thanks! OP pay attention, this is all excellent advice as well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by darkshades View Post
I agree that it's a nice gesture. So I would definitely talk with him. But does that mean I'd formally ask or just tell him what my intentions are? Which is more respectful/respectable route in your guys' opinion?

Also, what do you guys think about proposing on Christmas, her birthday, our anniversary, etc.? Romantic or played out?

I asked, but it was informal. My in-laws, father-in-law in particular, are pretty laid back, and it seemed like the best way to go with him. Your approach should definitely be influenced by factors like your relationship with her family, personality of her father, etc. I just stopped by for a bit, hung out with her dad, and flat-out asked, but I think simply informing him of your intentions could be the way to go if it suits your situation.

I proposed on Christmas Eve. A lot of people will tell you it's a little played out (and it kind of is), but it can be really nice if done right. I proposed when it was just my wife and me, and I did it memorably (though it was simple). She still loves to tell the story. I proposed early in the evening while we were exchanging our gifts to one another. Afterwards we had an evening full of events and parties where she could go around bragging and showing off. As Justin said, you don't want the rest of the evening to be anticlimatic, so consider the totality of the day in your plans.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CDFS View Post
Don't do it in front of an audience. Don't do it on her birthday, her mothers birthday, the birthday of our savior and lord Jezus Christ.

Anniversery, maybe.

I agree with all of this except the Christmas, for obvious reasons. Though I probably wouldn't have done it Christmas morning, Christmas Eve turned out to be the perfect time to do it.
Reply
Reply
post #15 of 40
12/21/09 at 5:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrG View Post
I agree with all of this except the Christmas, for obvious reasons. Though I probably wouldn't have done it Christmas morning, Christmas Eve turned out to be the perfect time to do it.

If it works, it works.
Reply
Reply
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: General Chat
Styleforum › Forums › General › General Chat › Tips and etiquette for proposing?