Originally Posted by GraphicNovelty
Anyway, after my last relationship ended (Jan '13) I just focused on how much better I was without her. She was amazing on paper--ivy league educated, hot, smart, etc. but our personalities were seriously different--she was a long island JAP while I was, well, you guys have a sense of how I am. We also differed very sharply on politics. Also she wouldn't eat anything I made. And I didn't really like her friends and she didn't really like mine. That's not to say i didn't miss her, but I focused on the negatives of the relationship and how I was better without her. I completely blocked her on social media and didn't see her for like a year. We got lunch recently to catch up but there's no chance that we'll be friends.
Luckily, I had a lot of friends and a really strong support network. I threw myself into the dating world pretty hard--fucked a lot of girls, pursued my own interests, reconnected with friends who had fallen by the wayside. Met my current gf pretty soon after we broke up but we didn't make it official until August and didn't make it exclusive until like, january of the next year. She's super great though and I'll probably propose after we've determined that we can live together.
Right on. Chances are if you were together long enough, there were things you still liked about them, and good times were had. For me, there were many things I didn't like after a while, including some that I just think were too much a part of who she is that changing wasn't really realistic. She's a considerate person who will be loyal, but she's got a cold, detached way about her that is completely unlike how I am. I think her upbringing and her life in general has reinforced this and it's almost a defense mechanism. At any rate, it led to me feeling kind of alone or unimportant to her periodically. That, coupled with her poor ability to verbalize positive things about me or the relationship, made it difficult to envision a real future together.
Also, I think that after being with someone for a while, your opinion of who they are is sort of cemented. Meaning, if they see you as being a certain way, it'll be tough, if not impossible for them to alter that perception even if you make positive changes in those areas. I know that after a while, she almost expected me to get mad or impatient about certain things, so if I were to show ANY perceivable signs of those emotions, she'd think, "Yup, here we go again." At that point, you're pretty much a dead man walking, because there's literally no margin for error.
All very frustrating, but honestly the kind of stuff I (or anyone in a similar position) have to stay mindful of post-breakup. You're just better of with a clean slate with someone else.