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Random health and exercise thoughts - Page 2402

post #36016 of 57265
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrchariybrown View Post

Last 24 hours until weigh in.

Only 5 pounds. This should be simple. Might not even need to do any baths.

I'm very lean right now. It's pretty gross and weirding me out. Can't wait to put this weight back on and beef up my core.

You gotta post some pics
post #36017 of 57265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tooch4321 View Post

Here you go, it's about as generic as copy/paste emails go, I think he even states that at some point. Enjoy...

Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
Hi,

You inquired about a personal consultation some time ago, and your turn has finally arrived. There is now a slot available within the next 7 days if you are interested,

Client slots are very limited due to high demand. There is a selection process based on certain criteria that you must meet.

Important: Review all the criteria carefully.

If I see that you do not fulfill a criterion after payment, I will immediately refund your money minus the PayPal fee (3-4% of the sum). I am uncompromising in this regard. Not out of spite, but out of necessity in order to offer my services where they can do most good.

My schedule gets filled quickly. If you haven't made a decision within 7 days, this offer will expire and you will need to send another inquiry.

If you have been unable to access your e-mail, and find that the time to make your decision is up when you read this, tell me and I'll see what I can do.

The information that follows is extensive and detailed. That's also the case with the material I include in my consultations. Reading it all will be therefore be good practice if you wish to work with me.

Note: If you are just looking for a simple meal plan and/or training routine, this is not for you. There are simpler and more affordable routes to go for that purpose.

Keep in mind that in my line of work, the client is always wrong. There is no compromising based on what you think how this should be done. You will be taking orders, not negotiating. This does not mean that there is no flexibility within the plan(s) itself. But flexibility has constraints decided by me.

Let me know if you have any questions that aren't answered in this e-mail. If you are unsure about anything, don't hesitate to ask.

Kind Regards,

Martin


P.S. Option B is the common choice. Option A-slots are only available via referral or special consideration. I rarely offer Option A-slots. Do not attempt to pay me for Option A upfront. I will immediately refund your money minus the PayPal fee (3-4% of the sum).

P.P.S. If what you wrote in your consulting inquiry made it clear that you did not meet the criteria outlined below, I am sorry to disappoint and for taking up your time. I reply to several consulting inquiries at once when new client slots become available. Since I only briefly skim through each e-mail, I may miss such information.


Personal consultations, nutrition and training

In summary, the criteria selects for clients that understand the basics, are unproblematic, and possess the means needed to maximize their results - not only equipment, but also goal setting and the ability to learn and comply with new information.

For the time being, I am also limiting myself to weight training clients, as this is where my expertise can be used to its full potential. That said, please read everything carefully, including the fine print.

My apologies in advance if you do not qualify for some reason. My time is scarce. If we can't work together, I hope you continue to follow my blog and the free information I share there.


If you are interested in a personal consultation, you must meet the following criteria.

1. You know how to count calories and macronutrients. You can adhere to, and understand, calorie- and macronutrient guidelines.

I'll make sample meal plans for you. These are partly based on your tastes and personal food preferences. I do not include foods which you are allergic to or find distasteful. However, if you prefer other foods than those in your sample meal plans, you must know how to make food substitutions to match the calorie/macronutrient contents of the sample meal plans provided (however, there's a good degree of flexibility allowed). This is very important. Do not expect me to give you new meal plans if you do not like a food in the samples provided.


2. For an intermittent fasting setup, you should have a daily routine that makes such an approach workable/optimal. This means no irregular shift work, travelling without access to proper foods, or similar scenarios.


3. You are familiar with common, basic barbell movements. You use good form when performing these movements. I will not teach exercise form/execution throughout our e-mail exchanges; it is a poor format to do so efficiently.


4. I do not want neurotic, high-maintenance clients, who send several e-mails per day about the most trivial issues imaginable. If you are prone to overanalyze your diet and training to an extreme degree, I do not want you as a client.


5. I am currently only accepting clients who are engaged in traditional barbell based weight training. While this is unfortunate for some, it's necessary to deal with the overwhelming demand. Weight training is my strong suit. I am not taking clients who seek to improve in sports, endurance, CrossFit, kettlebells, or similar activities.


6. I am not accepting: vegetarians/vegans, clients seeking rehab from injuries or clients who are dealing with injuries that prevents, or highly restricts, weight training or clients who have metabolic disorders such as diabetes, or clients seeking help with contest preparation. I am also not accepting clients who are involved in high-intensity sports or training on top of weight training for more than 2x/week. (I.e. Martial Arts training 3x/week = disqualified.)


7. You must have access to the following:

Bench press or bar-dips. You must have a weight belt (or be willing to buy one) which allows extra loading if you only have access to bar dips.

Free barbell squat or leg press.

Deadlift or hyperextensions.

Chin-up bar or lat pulldown-machine.


8. Clients choose one goal: fat loss or muscle gain. The goal with the highest priority. Keep in mind that even if you choose "fat loss," you may gain muscle and strength in the process. It's no guarantee, but I will say that it is a very common occurrence among the clients I have helped so far.

Option B (essential information, read carefully)

I will provide you with plans for this goal, and this goal only. However, you will be able to use the plans until you reach your goal of choice, without my assistance, after the 1-week consultation is over. I'll clarify below.

Fat loss: You will know how to adjust calorie and macronutrient intakes to ensure progress and avoid fat loss plateaus. You will also know how to transition to "maintenance" once you have reached your desired weight and body fat percentage. All of this is clearly explained.

Muscle gain: You will know how to adjust your training, and diet, to ensure progress and deal with strength plateaus. Depending on your experience/training status, your routine may consist of cycles (i.e. varying sets and reps). How to progress through the cycles, and when/how to restart a cycle, is explained in great detail. I am not in the habit of leaving much to chance.

Disclaimer, muscle gain: If your goal is to add 20-50 lbs of lean mass, I obviously cannot guarantee that the plans will take you there. In that sense, I cannot claim that you are able to use the plans until you reach your goal, as I can do with a good amount of certainty when it comes to fat loss. However, the training routine should allow you to make significant progress for several months, if not years.

Note: Please do not ask me how you should set up a muscle gaining routine once you're done losing fat, or vice versa. Once in a while someone does this, which is basically asking for a 2-in-1-consultation. I use different routines and diet setups depending on the immediate needs and conditions of a client. A different goal usually means a different set of plans altogether.


9. You are expected to adhere to the weight training and cardio regimen exactly as it is prescribed. You accept and embrace the fact that I know what will work best in order for you to reach your goal.


10. Before and after-pictures are obligatory. This includes: pictures taken a) before starting the program and pictures taken after b) 8 weeks on the program and c) when you have reached your goal.


11. All details contained within your plans and the communication in between us is considered confidential information and may not be shared with anyone or in any form for public viewing.


If you meet the criteria above, you are free to choose Option B. If you are unsure whether you meet a specific criterion, ask before any payments are made.


Option A: 4-Week Consultation

With Continuous Feedback (referral only)

Note: Option A is only available via referral from another client or specific consent.

What you will receive from me:

* A tailor-made diet and training plan, aligned with your goal. Your diet plan will include specific calorie and macronutrient intake for different days. I will also make a few sample meal plans for you to follow on these days (based on common and easily obtainable foods). Your training routine will be unique, with detailed guidelines concerning progression, execution and other relevant factors. You'll know what, when and how to eat and train.

* Material with advice and guidelines to follow, including pointers on your diet and training routine.

* A document with Frequently Asked Questions regarding diet and training.

* Continuous feedback and support through bi-weekly progress reports. These reports ensure that you are making progress throughout the consultation period. Based on these reports, I'll modify your diet and training routine (if fat loss stalls, for example).

* In between progress reports, you may e-mail me for advice and guidelines when you encounter a dilemma or problem.

If eligible: The price for Option A is $1295 / €945 for the first month and $500 / €365 euro per month thereafter. Send to martinberkhan@gmail.com (this is the account used for PayPal).


Option B: 1-Week Consultation With Progression Guidelines

$795 / €575 for Option B. Send to martinberkhan@gmail.com (this is the account used for PayPal).

After payment, you will receive a questionnaire. Your plans will arrive within 1-10 days after I've received the completed questionnaire.

This is the same service and materials as Option A, without progress reports, but with the addition of materials which clearly outlines how to proceed on your own.

Option B was first a simple 1-week consultation. As demand gradually exceeded supply, and the maximum amount of clients that I could realistically deal with was reached in Option A, I expanded Option B and added material/guides that show clients how to proceed on their own once the consultation week has passed. This has worked very well. Clients have been able to apply the methods and progress without continuous support from my side. A time-saver for me and a money-saver for the client.


Details

I will make your plans, send them to you, and then answer your questions during the 1-week consultation. At the end of the week, I will also make adjustments to your plans if necessary (based on your feedback at the end of the week.)

Note that the consultation-week starts at your earliest convenience. Meaning that you might receive the plans in the middle of the week, take a few days to read and digest everything, and start the program/consultation on Monday. Reading the material does not take up "consultation time."

However, the program/consultation should start within a reasonable time-frame and as soon as possible after you've read through it all. For example, unless something unexpected happens, I expect you to start the program/consultation on the upcoming Monday if you receive your plans on a Tuesday-Wednesday.

After the week has passed, you make all adjustments by yourself. However, I will provide guidelines on how to proceed down the path to the goal you have choosen. These guidelines are clear and concise, and will provide you with the information you need to make necessary adjustments when you face a fat loss plateau, for example. Important: Read criteria number 10.


Consultation FAQ


Q: Can you please give me a brief synopsis on how we will proceed, assuming that I'm interested in your services?

A: If there are any special considerations, check with me first. If not, choose and pay for the option you're interested in. After I receive payment:

1. I'll send you a questionnaire.

2. You complete and return the questionnaire.

3. I'll compose your diet and your training plans, which I will send to you within 1-10 days upon having received the questionnaire. The consultation period/week does not start until you have received everything needed to begin your program. You will also have a generous amount of time to read and understand it all before your consultation starts.

Note: How long you will have to wait varies. I allot certain days for going through questionnaires and assembling plans. Where such a day falls is completely dependent on my schedule. I would therefore ask you to refrain from trying to "hurry" me/asking me when your plans will arrive unless 10 days have passed since I received your questionnaire.

Q: Are there other methods of payment available?

A: No.

Q: Anything else I need to know?

* This is required reading: http://www.leangains.com/2010/04/leangains-guide.html.

* The materials included in the consultation are quite extensive and detailed. Many clients have been pleasantly surprised by the level of detail and the wealth of information contained within the various documents. The downside to this is that if you're just looking for a simple training program with a meal plan, then there are much cheaper options that other people can provide to you. If so, I suggest you turn to them, and not me.

* I work with Microsoft Excel when constructing the diet. If you don't have MS Excel, you need to let me know in advance so I can convert the information to another format that will suit your computer platform.

* You must agree to not publicly post the specifics of my approach on any website or forum. You must also agree not to upload or share your personal Excel workbook in any way or form. Keeping a training log on a forum might be ok, but only if you let me know in advance. There will be certain restrictions on what you are allowed to report.

* I have a very high success rate with my clients. I provide an excellent service for a good price and you won't find anyone else doing what I do. Don't miss out on this opportunity if you're motivated to make a change for the better.

That's about what I expected
post #36018 of 57265
Much less douchey as I'd hoped.
post #36019 of 57265
Thread Starter 
Can't wait for my next vacation this Christmas. Going to Sipadan. Should I stay on a freaking CONVERTED OIL RIG?
post #36020 of 57265
That was actually pretty reasonable. A little long winded but I can't blame dude for wanting to get his point across.
post #36021 of 57265
I found the length of time it took for him to respond was the funniest part of it all, 3yrs is just a tad too long in my book...
post #36022 of 57265
Yeah, given how popular his site has become he probably gets a ton of emails wasting his time. Gotta weed out the bullshit.
post #36023 of 57265
The only offensive thing about his email was the price. He also apparently has no clue how paypal refunds work.
post #36024 of 57265
It's been a while since i got drunk and strained my deltoid having an arm wrestling contest right after a shoulder workout.
post #36025 of 57265
Quote:
Originally Posted by VLSI View Post

The only offensive thing about his email was the price. He also apparently has no clue how paypal refunds work.

Or he does and is banking on his clients not, as a sort of "restocking fee." tongue.gif
post #36026 of 57265
Does anybody offer pointers to n00bs at the gym?

Sometimes I see these new kids doing shitty 6 inch squats with garbage form or doing other stupid shit and i feel like 5 minutes of help would make a huge difference for them and I would have appreciated it when I was first starting, but instead I just shake my head and keep doing whatever I was doing.
post #36027 of 57265
Quote:
Originally Posted by VLSI View Post

The only offensive thing about his email was the price. He also apparently has no clue how paypal refunds work.

I don't see what's so offensive about it. Considering how long it took for him to get back to Tooch, he is in extremely high demand and so has adjusted his price to reflect that. I'm surprised he hasn't gone higher with it, TBH, as it's obvious he's still getting too many people contacting him for his services.

New Eminem album's nuts
Edited by Khayembii Communique - 10/31/13 at 7:27am
post #36028 of 57265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Towers View Post

Does anybody offer pointers to n00bs at the gym?

Sometimes I see these new kids doing shitty 6 inch squats with garbage form or doing other stupid shit and i feel like 5 minutes of help would make a huge difference for them and I would have appreciated it when I was first starting, but instead I just shake my head and keep doing whatever I was doing.

I do it when I see someone new struggling at the gym.
post #36029 of 57265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Khayembii Communique View Post

I don't see what's so offensive about it. Considering how long it took for him to get back to Tooch, he is in extremely high demand and so has adjusted his price to reflect that. I'm surprised he hasn't gone higher with it, TBH, as it's obvious he's still getting too many people contacting him for his services.

I understand the economics of it, and I don't blame him for charging as much as he can, but it is a bit disinegenuous/insulting to try to convince people that a week of his service is worth $800. Obviously some people think it is... but that's only spawned from ignorance, not an actual evaluation of the value his service provides.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Towers View Post

Does anybody offer pointers to n00bs at the gym?

Sometimes I see these new kids doing shitty 6 inch squats with garbage form or doing other stupid shit and i feel like 5 minutes of help would make a huge difference for them and I would have appreciated it when I was first starting, but instead I just shake my head and keep doing whatever I was doing.

I think rule of thumb is only when injury appears imminent.
post #36030 of 57265
Quote:
Originally Posted by Towers View Post

Does anybody offer pointers to n00bs at the gym?

Sometimes I see these new kids doing shitty 6 inch squats with garbage form or doing other stupid shit and i feel like 5 minutes of help would make a huge difference for them and I would have appreciated it when I was first starting, but instead I just shake my head and keep doing whatever I was doing.
Lot of folks go to the gym to ego lift. There is a cadre of semi to full on douchebags who I've seen a couple of times there just hitting all the bro points. Bench, shrugs, curl, leg press. All weak. Some people don't want to be helped.
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