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emotifest (i got pwned)

post #1 of 22
Thread Starter 
so my girlfriend of about one year (my longest relationship. I usually get bored quick and dump) just called me to say she cheated on me (made out with another dude).



I don't get it, really. She was the one who wanted to be so serious... I just nodded and smiled when she talked about kids and marriage and shit (which I admit I have no problem with. she was a great catch and if there's anyone to settle down with, I couldn't imagine a better choice.. you know, pretty, smart, all that nonsense)

I just feel like a fool. It's really embarrassing. I'm sure everyone in their life deals with this at some point. The weirdest thing is that I was in total control of the relationship. Oh well. I suppose it's over now, but there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Now I gotta hit the gym and the tanner and all that nonsense, and get back on the meat market. At least I won't have to remove any mutual acquaintances, as it was entirely her fault.

Not sure why I'm posting this here, but I'm miserable and typing some of this stuff out is making me feel better.
post #2 of 22
Ugh. Women are...women.
post #3 of 22
Thread Starter 
Yea. Its cool now anyway. Im giving her another chance.
post #4 of 22
What was her purpose in telling you?

From your post, it sounds like you were perhaps not in love? It must hurt nonetheless, even if only the ego is touched.

The good news is: these types of feelings pass.
post #5 of 22
By 'made out' I am assuming she just kissed another bloke, right? That's not such a big deal, but it does depend on the situation.
post #6 of 22
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by johnnymarrsbarres
By 'made out' I am assuming she just kissed another bloke, right? That's not such a big deal, but it does depend on the situation.

Yea, that's all. It's the first time something like this has happened to me, so I reacted harshly. It's not the end of the world. The situation is that she was at a party, and drunk, and it was someone she had never met before... and she's been bawling and puking the past 6 hours.

Fabienne, my tone may have been misleading. I only typed in such a manner to help me feel more casual. The truth is that we're definitely in love. She's the closest I've ever been to a person before, so it means a lot. I am deeply affected by it, even though as johnny pointed out, just kissing some bloke isn't the end of the world.

The feeling really is just the embarrassment. I just feel like a fool. I tend to view people who've been cheated on as weak.
post #7 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian SD

Now I gotta hit the gym and the tanner and all that nonsense, and get back on the meat market. At least I won't have to remove any mutual acquaintances, as it was entirely her fault.
I think you're doing exactly the right thing. A couple of my buddies just broke up w/their respective long-term relations, and they went in this depression mode of complaining constantly and calling the girl 4 or 5 times a day. They're kind of pussies.

Getting cheated on isn't weak. Letting it get to you is, and it doesn't sound like you're letting it get to you. So, kudos for that.

Forget about that chick, man. I never liked her anyways. (I've been saying that a lot lately.)
post #8 of 22
It eventually happens to all of us (even if we never find out). I think that the way that the situation goes down determines what you decide to do with her in the future. In my case it was too weird and had to be ended right there. Other friends have ended up marrying girls that cheated on them...happily. In a week or so you will definitely know what the right way to go is.
post #9 of 22
Sucks man. I've been consoling a friend who just broke up with his girl (again) of 2 years on Thursday. He was a drunken wreck on Friday. You definitely can't dwell on it too much. Like you said there are so many women out there, especially in a big city such as the one you are in. Be strong, move on, live life, enjoy life.
post #10 of 22
Suck bro. Yep, happens to everyone at some point. I bet even Ken has been a drunken mess at least once Sometimes, you've just got to salvage what's left of your dignity and walk away (it can be tough). I would wonder why she told you this though. Either she felt really guilty, or she was opening the escape hatch (both men and women, though ime, women more often) do this. Anyway, best to ask, clear the air, and move forward.
post #11 of 22
Give it another go. My gf and I had a similar occurence a few years ago, worked through it and things have never been better. Sometimes a good jolt can be ultimately beneficial for your relationship
post #12 of 22
OK, Brian SD, the overall situation sounds more promising. I hope it works out. Good luck.

Not to hijack the thread, but I wonder what people think about drunkeness as an excuse? I never put myself in a position where I can no longer decide right from wrong, but I guess you could get so drunk you wouldn't know whose arms you're in?

I was once out at a restaurant with an ex-boyfriend and his male friend. I went to the ladies' room to fix my lipstick, and upon exiting, found my boyfriend's friend apparently waiting for me at the door. He grabbed me by the waist and tried to kiss me. I pushed him and he fell on top of crates (sounds silly, but it really happened that way). I left him there and told my then boyfriend I wanted to leave. He asked questions, I finally told him what had happened, and his only reaction was: "Well, he was drunk, you can't take that seriously." The fact is, the friend was Czech and yes, he had had many shots of vodka (this was a tiny Russian restaurant in Paris), but we both knew he could hold his liquor better than anyone. He later made further advances, so it's fairly clear his being drunk had nothing to do with his rude behavior.

PS:Before jokes pour out about the French and how permissive they are, this was a non-French boyfriend.

I have a friend who admitted he had "made out" with a former girlfriend while his wife was in the same house, during a party. All on account of alcohol, he said. He felt so devastated when he told me, especially because he thinks his wife noticed and was hurt, I didn't have the heart to ask him if he was really honest with himself, but he later confessed he still found his ex-girlfriend attractive.
post #13 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fabienne
OK, Brian SD, the overall situation sounds more promising. I hope it works out. Good luck. Not to hijack the thread, but I wonder what people think about drunkeness as an excuse? I never put myself in a position where I can no longer decide right from wrong, but I guess you could get so drunk you wouldn't know whose arms you're in? I was once out at a restaurant with an ex-boyfriend and his male friend. I went to the ladies' room to fix my lipstick, and upon exiting, found my boyfriend's friend apparently waiting for me at the door. He grabbed me by the waist and tried to kiss me. I pushed him and he fell on top of crates (sounds silly, but it really happened that way). I left him there and told my then boyfriend I wanted to leave. He asked questions, I finally told him what had happened, and his only reaction was: "Well, he was drunk, you can't take that seriously." The fact is, the friend was Czech and yes, he had had many shots of vodka (this was a tiny Russian restaurant in Paris), but we both knew he could hold his liquor better than anyone. He later made further advances, so it's fairly clear his being drunk had nothing to do with his rude behavior. PS:Before jokes pour out about the French and how permissive they are, this was a non-French boyfriend. I have a friend who admitted he had "made out" with a former girlfriend while his wife was in the same house, during a party. All on account of alcohol, he said. He felt so devastated when he told me, especially because he thinks his wife noticed and was hurt, I didn't have the heart to ask him if he was really honest with himself, but he later confessed he still found his ex-girlfriend attractive.
I don't buy drunkedness as an excuse. By the same token we could say that if you hit & kill a pedestrian driving while intoxicated you should not be punished. I don't particularly like being around drunk people, especially as I don't usually get to that state (mixture of slightly better tolerance and the fact that I don't like it). But I have heard that same excuse from people. I cannot say that I would not be seriously ticked off if someone while drunk tried some sort of dirty business with my wife. All too often, it seems to be made as an excuse for any sort of bad behaviour. If you cannot handle your alcohol and you become a bastard, you should limit your alcohol, I say.
post #14 of 22
Thread Starter 
Drunkenness is not an excuse for me. It just removes some guilt (determined on a case-by-case basis), because people really do stupid things when they're drunk that they normally wouldn't do. I know because I can say 90% of the women I've made out with, it never would have happened if I was sober. To be honest, when I approached this girl, I was a bit buzzed, and I can't say that I would have ever even talked to her if I didn't drink the night we met. Fabienne, to answer your question earlier, my girlfriend always tells me about these things... immediately (why she called me). Even if someone so much as kisses her on the cheek, even long time friends, she tells me about it. If a guy tries to make advances on her and she pushes him off, she tells me about it. It's a bummer that this happened, but I'm getting over it quick. I really laid it on thick though, and my final words on the subject are, "I accept your apology because I know it won't happen again." Her response was, "You're amazing." Still, it's a good day because I finished the logo for a local coffee shop and got paid for it. So that, combined with a sleepless night of frustration, is a great excuse to go buy a bunch of records (always makes me feel better). As always, make-up sex is greatly appreciated as well. This morning's was unreal.
post #15 of 22
Quote:
Originally Posted by Brian SD
Drunkenness is not an excuse for me. It just removes some guilt (determined on a case-by-case basis), because people really do stupid things when they're drunk that they normally wouldn't do. I know because I can say 90% of the women I've made out with, it never would have happened if I was sober. To be honest, when I approached this girl, I was a bit buzzed, and I can't say that I would have ever even talked to her if I didn't drink the night we met.

Fabienne, to answer your question earlier, my girlfriend always tells me about these things... immediately (why she called me). Even if someone so much as kisses her on the cheek, even long time friends, she tells me about it. If a guy tries to make advances on her and she pushes him off, she tells me about it.

It's a bummer that this happened, but I'm getting over it quick. I really laid it on thick though, and my final words on the subject are, "I accept your apology because I know it won't happen again." Her response was, "You're amazing."

Still, it's a good day because I finished the logo for a local coffee shop and got paid for it. So that, combined with a sleepless night of frustration, is a great excuse to go buy a bunch of records (always makes me feel better). As always, make-up sex is greatly appreciated as well. This morning's was unreal.

Hope things turn out well for you Brian.
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