So if you read my "little things" post you've had an intro to the embryonic cord hating Misses Peanut. I'm really bored tonight and am in a sharing mood so I thought I'd tell a little bit more about how crazy this chick was.
I was flying to Tampa to stay indefinitely to start a business. Misses Peanut sat next to me on the flight down and she was cute. We talked and laughed and she needed a job and I needed a secretary/assistant. She had some graphic design and other skills so we swapped #s. About an hour after we landed (about 9PM) she calls and I go to meet her and her "mother" for drinks. So her mom leaves the bar and comes back like an hour later falling down drunk talking shit like "You're cute but you're not going to fuck her tonight (to me). I'm not going to let you fuck him (to her)." Etc., etc., until she starts hitting on me and Misses is like "let's get out of here" and we go back to my condo.. There was just a lot of bizarre behavior from Mom that night but it was a while back and I forget.
The next morning Misses cooks bacon in a microwave and eliminates the embryonic cord from our scrambled eggs and I'm really starting to like having her around. Unfortunately she has a very short attention span when it comes to work so after about a week of her bailing on me I have to "fire" her. But she's still sleeping over and it's growing old so I ask her if she could start spending some time at her mom's. "Well Sandy isn't really my mom, she's just a good friend." Well, WTF?!? "And she's kind of pissed at me because I'm spending so much time with you." Well double WTF?!? So basically this girl had no place to go and just stuck around for a couple of weeks or so until she went to stay with her "mom". After a couple days she calls crying that Sandy is going to kill her and I have to come pick her up. So I did and she stays like 2 more weeks until she finds some other guy at a bar to take her in.
After about a week she calls crying that this guy is beating her and it's not safe, etc., etc. Now I pegged this chick as a young, out-of-control party girl with some serious daddy issues within 24 hours but, unless you've been with a woman for 10+ years and she committed a serious, SERIOUS breach; you just don't hit a girl. So I go over there and this guy is hammered, lets me in, (I'd met him before), and there is Misses just curled up on the floor, passed out. So I nudge her shoulder a little and she stirs all smiles "Hey, how are ya? Oh I'm fine, blah, blah, too much to drink, blah, blah." Well fuck you and all your drama bitch...I'm done with you! Right.
So this goes on for a couple months where whenever she is in trouble or without a roof I take her in and take care of her. After those first couple of weeks all sexual activity ceased. Drunken pleas for help, legitimate trip to the ER, etc., etc. As much as I hate to admit it she was fun and I needed a little drama...a break from being cooped up in a condo working 90% of my time. And she didn't mind cooking and pitching in whenever I asked.
So 3 months into it my business partner is bankrupting us with excess spending, (whole nuther story), we pack our shit up and are calling it quits. I say my goodbye to the Misses and another adventure has passed. Until 3 months later, Christmas Eve, I get a call from the Misses who burned all of her bridges in FL and is sitting at O'Hare with no place to go. FOCK! "OK, take this train and call me when you get off at this stop." 2 hours later I pick her up and she's drunk; telling me what a great guy I am, how much she loves me, literally trying to suck me on the ride home. At this point I do not trust her whatsoever and call Mom, "Something came up and I'm not going to make it to dinner." There was no way I was taking her to my Mom's for Christmas Eve and even less of a chance I was going to leave her alone at my place.
So this chick is really drunk and horny and has got some pretty amazing skills. I'm missing Christmas Eve and am getting hammered and say fuck it. Making out rapidly advances into her giving me the green light to stick it up her ass. All of a sudden she's crying, talking about "those guys totally turned me out, their dicks were huge, the whole world is going to see those movies." Sob Sob. Triple WTF!?! So we have a rather bizarre conversation and wake up Christmas day. Ho, ho, ho...we talk a little and the only thing she wants to do is see her kids. Kids?!? What kids??? So I take her to see her kids. I call the other guy in FL and ask him WTF?!? He says she just took off and to send her back. Gladly...so I did. That was not the last I heard from her but it was thankfully, the last time we met. Of course, I had to confide in my brother and I'm sure the family still talks about "the hooker" who hijacked my Christmas Eve.
Now before anyone starts claiming that I'm totally fucked up, and in this case it's certainly arguable, there were early signs but things didn't start getting REALLY weird until later on in the relationship. And the bottom line is that, even to this day, if I sense a person is "good" I will do whatever I can for them. And I also like weirdness in my life.
There was this other girl who, every time we had sex, acted like a cat. No, I mean really. She couldn't talk, she purred, hissed and meowed. And she left long, deep scratches all over my back and chest...and even some smaller ones on my face. Lasted about a week before the whole feline thing ended up being a deal breaker.
So what stories about total freaks do you guys have? Anybody ever run into one of those Letters to Penthouse chicks that could massage your dick with their pussy muscles and make you cum in like 2 minutes? Oh wait, that should go in the "little things (but cool) thread".
I was flying to Tampa to stay indefinitely to start a business. Misses Peanut sat next to me on the flight down and she was cute. We talked and laughed and she needed a job and I needed a secretary/assistant. She had some graphic design and other skills so we swapped #s. About an hour after we landed (about 9PM) she calls and I go to meet her and her "mother" for drinks. So her mom leaves the bar and comes back like an hour later falling down drunk talking shit like "You're cute but you're not going to fuck her tonight (to me). I'm not going to let you fuck him (to her)." Etc., etc., until she starts hitting on me and Misses is like "let's get out of here" and we go back to my condo.. There was just a lot of bizarre behavior from Mom that night but it was a while back and I forget.
The next morning Misses cooks bacon in a microwave and eliminates the embryonic cord from our scrambled eggs and I'm really starting to like having her around. Unfortunately she has a very short attention span when it comes to work so after about a week of her bailing on me I have to "fire" her. But she's still sleeping over and it's growing old so I ask her if she could start spending some time at her mom's. "Well Sandy isn't really my mom, she's just a good friend." Well, WTF?!? "And she's kind of pissed at me because I'm spending so much time with you." Well double WTF?!? So basically this girl had no place to go and just stuck around for a couple of weeks or so until she went to stay with her "mom". After a couple days she calls crying that Sandy is going to kill her and I have to come pick her up. So I did and she stays like 2 more weeks until she finds some other guy at a bar to take her in.
After about a week she calls crying that this guy is beating her and it's not safe, etc., etc. Now I pegged this chick as a young, out-of-control party girl with some serious daddy issues within 24 hours but, unless you've been with a woman for 10+ years and she committed a serious, SERIOUS breach; you just don't hit a girl. So I go over there and this guy is hammered, lets me in, (I'd met him before), and there is Misses just curled up on the floor, passed out. So I nudge her shoulder a little and she stirs all smiles "Hey, how are ya? Oh I'm fine, blah, blah, too much to drink, blah, blah." Well fuck you and all your drama bitch...I'm done with you! Right.
So this goes on for a couple months where whenever she is in trouble or without a roof I take her in and take care of her. After those first couple of weeks all sexual activity ceased. Drunken pleas for help, legitimate trip to the ER, etc., etc. As much as I hate to admit it she was fun and I needed a little drama...a break from being cooped up in a condo working 90% of my time. And she didn't mind cooking and pitching in whenever I asked.
So 3 months into it my business partner is bankrupting us with excess spending, (whole nuther story), we pack our shit up and are calling it quits. I say my goodbye to the Misses and another adventure has passed. Until 3 months later, Christmas Eve, I get a call from the Misses who burned all of her bridges in FL and is sitting at O'Hare with no place to go. FOCK! "OK, take this train and call me when you get off at this stop." 2 hours later I pick her up and she's drunk; telling me what a great guy I am, how much she loves me, literally trying to suck me on the ride home. At this point I do not trust her whatsoever and call Mom, "Something came up and I'm not going to make it to dinner." There was no way I was taking her to my Mom's for Christmas Eve and even less of a chance I was going to leave her alone at my place.
So this chick is really drunk and horny and has got some pretty amazing skills. I'm missing Christmas Eve and am getting hammered and say fuck it. Making out rapidly advances into her giving me the green light to stick it up her ass. All of a sudden she's crying, talking about "those guys totally turned me out, their dicks were huge, the whole world is going to see those movies." Sob Sob. Triple WTF!?! So we have a rather bizarre conversation and wake up Christmas day. Ho, ho, ho...we talk a little and the only thing she wants to do is see her kids. Kids?!? What kids??? So I take her to see her kids. I call the other guy in FL and ask him WTF?!? He says she just took off and to send her back. Gladly...so I did. That was not the last I heard from her but it was thankfully, the last time we met. Of course, I had to confide in my brother and I'm sure the family still talks about "the hooker" who hijacked my Christmas Eve.
Now before anyone starts claiming that I'm totally fucked up, and in this case it's certainly arguable, there were early signs but things didn't start getting REALLY weird until later on in the relationship. And the bottom line is that, even to this day, if I sense a person is "good" I will do whatever I can for them. And I also like weirdness in my life.
There was this other girl who, every time we had sex, acted like a cat. No, I mean really. She couldn't talk, she purred, hissed and meowed. And she left long, deep scratches all over my back and chest...and even some smaller ones on my face. Lasted about a week before the whole feline thing ended up being a deal breaker.
So what stories about total freaks do you guys have? Anybody ever run into one of those Letters to Penthouse chicks that could massage your dick with their pussy muscles and make you cum in like 2 minutes? Oh wait, that should go in the "little things (but cool) thread".
