I'm in Love

Well maybe love's too powerful a word but certainly what I feel may very well become love...however, there exists one rather consequential rub: she lives 500 miles from me. She, a native of Toronto, will turn 21 in February. I'm a few years older and met her this past Friday in a New York City club, she was really sweet and easy to talk to and we eventually danced and made out. I pressured her to hang out with me on Saturday (her last night in NYC) and she accepted my cheesecake proposal. I let it be a group things though it could have been otherwise - and was taken with her friends. We held hands upon walking to Rockefellar Center and elsewhere in the wee hours of the morning. She was worried my hands were too cold and would place them in her pocket, we'd embrace and kiss, do essentially everything a boyfriend and girlfriend would do. It was certainly an amazing weekend. Debaucherous intentions have reigned my life for quite a while. I've felt a connection with this girl, unlike any girl I've dated in a long time. With her I did not ask myself, "if I continue to date this girl, will I be leading her on." The novelty of a relationship was not the only redeemable aspect of becoming involved. Commitment would not only cease in being a burden, but it'd be a privilege to compromise my freedom for her. Relationships have defied distance for ages, many love songs and poems lament separation - Unchained Melody springs to mind. And distance may endow a relationship with something not afforded by a local relationship. But I don't know if she wishes for it to be like that. Perhaps, I was just some guy she had fun with one weekend, and would not fret leaving it as a nice memory. I have her e-mail and Facebook and I shall keep in touch. But it seems I will have to bear these heart pangs a little longer and return to my old ways of fretting squandered hookup opps and dreading commitment. What hurts so much, as I expressed above, is that these girls come along so infrequently. Girls for which my feelings are platonic. But it seems the odds are stacked against me. My family and friends live in NYC, but this special girl lives north of the border. And were I to say a third of what I have written to her, my cause would not be helped.

Seal the deal in what sense? Well, I won't necessarily deny that her elusiveness adds something - but there were many characteristics that I liked about her. The night before meeting this girl, I had dated a British chick who was on vacation here. On the contrary, I was indifferent towards her and the transitory aspect did nothing. I wouldn't say I'm in love with this girl, but I deeply admire her and it could have become something great. I want to head up to Toronto for New Years, but I doubt that will come into fruition. And it is true that long distance courting was the norm, but I don't think I'd get her on board for that.

I'll admit "love" was an ill-chosen word, even though there really isn't a specified time in which it may develop. Not to mention that is it a completely subjective thing. Otherwise, what is so creepy about what I said? Perhaps, it comes across as a little sentimental, but I spoke the truth.