The Definitive Help Find Me A Job Thread - Page 2

I think you should add to your CV your incredible skill at blaming external sources for your errors and shortcomings. It will serve you well in the working world.

Johnston Cleaning Supplies Worthington, PA February 2008-February 2008 •\tStocked the supply room with stuff. Mostly just junk. •\tPS, don’t buy anything from this company, it’s all watered down and doesn’t clean worth a damn. Good luck getting blood or vomit out of bed sheets with their Insta-Clean solution. Why I left: Couldn’t deal with the bullshit any longer. If you talk to my old boss he will tell you that I was caught defecating in the waste can in the supply room. He’s a liar and he isn’t a good boss. I shit my pants and threw them away. That’s far from “taking a shit in the trash can”. He just picked on me because one night I saw him at a bar and he claims that I grabbed his girlfriend. Brandywine Stationary Worthington, PA March 3rd 2007-March 6th 2007 •\tSold pencils, pens, paper and stuff like that. •\tWatched TV when we weren’t busy. Learned a lot about giraffes from animal shows. Why I left: HATED my boss. She’s the type of yappy broad you can’t be around for more than a few minutes without wanting to slug her in the gut. I also borrowed a bunch of stuff from the supply room and forgot to return it. Apparently this is called “stealing”. The only reason they found out before I could return was because a co-worker saw me selling staplers in the parking lot and narked on me. Where I come from he would be found in a ditch somewhere gagged with a sweat sock. Lucy’s Steakhouse Worthington, PA (Please do not call for reference) April 2004-December 2004 •\tCleaning tables •\tDishwashing •\tI guess another Craig Smith worked there too and he got caught masturbating under a table after hours. Just letting you know that was the other Craig Smith. Why I left: I was such a good employee they wanted to pay me 75k a year to clean tables but I felt it would not be fair to the other workers so I respectfully resigned. Education St. Bernard’s High School: 1999-2007

..

PM sent.

Regrets, I've had a few...

K

I do NOT want any of my future employees to read my SF poasts or see how much time I log on this site!

Good luck to you all, though!

Nice thread Jon. I am working, but doing consulting work and looking for something permanent:


Communications, marketing and public relations professional with strong writing, editing, and presentation skills. Experienced in print and broadcast media and development of marketing collateral across multiple formats, including Web, TV, radio and print. Extensive background in writing, editing, promotions, advertising, media relations and special event management, including live television and radio presentations. BA in History and Journalism. Bi-lingual (English/Spanish), working knowledge of Italian and Portuguese.


I have strong management experience, including run a 162-person department in two languages simultaneously.

I am multicultural, as most of my career has been spent in Latin America until relocating to the states last year with my wife's job transfer. Looking for something from NY to Philly, or South Florida.


Here are some of my highlights:

Successfully re-branded organization when it was ending programs, changing focus and risking alienating supporters. Kept investors engaged by crafting message strategy based on expansion and donations remained steady.

Created, launched and managed Spanish-language media syndicate that provided content on pop culture topics to newspapers in United States and Latin America. Opened new markets in Latin America and U.S. which filled underserved niche with a new product. Secured more than 20 clients in first few months.

Slashed operating costs and reduced head count by 58% in one department to counteract slumping sales. Reorganized operations and cross-trained employees, improved productivity and increased product line.

Crafted bi-lingual image campaign to humanize a multinational corporation facing protests over an unpopular project. Newspapers endorsed the project and company showcased the campaign as an example of good communications management.

Researched, wrote and edited a briefing book to prepare the Puerto Rico Governor and Cabinet for national convention. The policy recommendations were later incorporated into the government platform.

Worked on campaign to lobby U.S. Senate leadership and garner support for bill authorizing status plebiscite in Puerto Rico.

Check out Military.com, be prepared to do some surfing there.....as far as the most up to date.......try DOD, again it will take some time to research.

Hire me to drive a lift, I'm really good when I'm drunk. I also have an uncanny ability not to respect any sort of schedule that will surely be an asset to your company, especially coupled with my total lack of respect for authority.