How To Cope With a Hard Breakup

This is the second time for us. The first was devastating, and I was the one who did it.

I couldn't eat anything. I'd vomit up what I could get down. Lost like 10 pounds in a few months. I feel extremely alone right now. I couldn't summon up the energy to hit the gym like I usually do everyday. I have a lingering anxiety when I think about all day. The feeling I get in the morning as a wake up is horrible. I can't function properly anywhere without being in a piss sad mood, or very irritable, or anxious.

I don't know what to do, because I really don't want to go through the same things as I did before. No amount of friends around me really helps, it only distracts me from the feelings and just postpones it til I get alone, then I break down.

Anyone had to endure a similar situation? What helped you get through it?

Thanks.

Originally Posted by Swag22

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This is the second time for us. The first was devastating, and I was the one who did it.

I couldn't eat anything. I'd vomit up what I could get down. Lost like 10 pounds in a few months. I feel extremely alone right now. I couldn't summon up the energy to hit the gym like I usually do everyday. I have a lingering anxiety when I think about all day. The feeling I get in the morning as a wake up is horrible. I can't function properly anywhere without being in a piss sad mood, or very irritable, or anxious.

I don't know what to do, because I really don't want to go through the same things as I did before. No amount of friends around me really helps, it only distracts me from the feelings and just postpones it til I get alone, then I break down.

Anyone had to endure a similar situation? What helped you get through it?

Thanks.

I was not the one who did it, it f*ed up me pretty badly, but time, and positive attitude did eventually help me get out of it. It took 2.5 years, a lot longer than it should, but I was pretty f*ed up at that point, also did a major geographical and career change after that. It end up being better, at least up till now. Honestly if you ask me, it shouldn't take 2.5 years, initially it was just like a tape in your head that's keep rewinding and you can't shut it down, you're forced to watch every little detail, and all these details become "mistake" that you think you can "fix", when in reality it is just what it is.

You have to eventually reconcile with yourself, and reconcile with her, her in real person and her in your mind, i.e. where does she occupy in your mind, no doubt a special place, but not a lover, not a friend, somewhere different. You can try to forget, but that never worked for me, so I wouldn't recommend, of course someone else might differ.

I think I only get out because eventually I had enough of it, I told myself life cannot go on like this I had to move on, end up quitting phd program and got a job in NYC, moving out and meeting new people definitely helps, just make sure you don't abandon your old friends.

The simple answer - just do it.

It's not easy. There's no secret to it. You will get depressed. Your friends can only help you get through this so much. Screwing around with random girls is only going to make you miss your ex-girl that much more.

I don't think I've ever seen someone who's been in a serious relationship get through a break-up scot-free.

Best of luck.

There are some good previous threads on this. I recommend a search.

I also recommend getting a lot of exercise, and getting outside a lot. Personally something that helped me was focusing on the reasons why we weren't good together, which was really the truth, and somehow I found thinking about that very clarifying. I learned a lot.

Originally Posted by Swag22

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The feeling I get in the morning as a wake up is horrible. Anyone had to endure a similar situation? What helped you get through it?
"Chest Grip" I call it. A few seconds of relief as you wake up, then all of a sudden you remember your circumstances and you're once again gripped with the distress. I suggest a book called "Rebuilding When a Relationship Ends". It offers practical advice to deal with the grief and is a source of hope that you'll recover. And you will recover. Start writing lists down on paper. Get the **** out of your head. It'll provide your nervous system with relief. It helps stop the obsessive thoughts that happen while you're grieving. It provides a different place to deal with the emotions instead of having to endure the negative chatter that permeates the silence when you're by yourself. If you do start list writing, focus on the stuff which made the relationship intolerable. Write down the times she withheld affection from you, or snapped at you, or treated you poorly. Write down the reasons why the relationship couldn't have worked. List writing will definitely help you sleep better. I got a lot of relief from doing guided meditations/relaxation exercises. Lots of Mp3s out there for this. You basically lie back in a comfortable position for 20 minutes and let the narrator guide you into a relaxing place. It's all about the breath. Look for the Malcom Huxter ones on this page: There's something assuring about a Buddhist with an Australian accent taking you under. http://www.buddhanet.net/audio-meditation.htm Calming the body with the breath http://www.buddhanet.net/mp3/huxter/...e%20breath.mp3 Dealing With Painful Emotions http://www.buddhanet.net/mp3/huxter/...20emotions.mp3

Oh brother + = Repeat as neccesary.

Originally Posted by Swag22

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This is the second time for us. The first was devastating, and I was the one who did it.

I couldn't eat anything. I'd vomit up what I could get down. Lost like 10 pounds in a few months. I feel extremely alone right now. I couldn't summon up the energy to hit the gym like I usually do everyday. I have a lingering anxiety when I think about all day. The feeling I get in the morning as a wake up is horrible. I can't function properly anywhere without being in a piss sad mood, or very irritable, or anxious.

I don't know what to do, because I really don't want to go through the same things as I did before. No amount of friends around me really helps, it only distracts me from the feelings and just postpones it til I get alone, then I break down.

Anyone had to endure a similar situation? What helped you get through it?

Thanks.

Its been like that for me, I have the exact same symptoms...im finally doing better, but now we are just in this sort of limbo thing and talking about trying again...which i fear is going to lead to where you are at right now...although I think I will always have reservations in the back of my mind to protect myself now if things go south. I get really bad anxiety, made mistakes at work...just general awfulneses. I have tried the meditation stuff to sleep, it helps. I was sleeping very poorly at first.

Talk to a professional. If you had a broken arm, you would go to a hospital, right? If you had an eye injury, you would go to an eye doctor, right?

It follows. . . talk to a professional.

Good luck!

For Swag22, you must to celebrate this great thing of being cà libataire, and you must to make the most of your cà libat!

Originally Posted by Chiaroscuro

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Oh brother

+

=

Repeat as neccesary.

Originally Posted by Chiaroscuro

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Oh brother

+

=

Repeat as neccesary.

Seconded.

+

Just don't end up in a dark room listening to patsy cline with a bottle of jack and a 9mm between your legs and you will be fine.

Time Heals All Wounds

Originally Posted by Chiaroscuro

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Oh brother

+

=

Repeat as neccesary.

Originally Posted by Flambeur

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Seconded.

+

QFT

Just avoid:



+



And you will be ok. Time heals all.

Originally Posted by Rusty G.

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Talk to a professional. If you had a broken arm, you would go to a hospital, right? If you had an eye injury, you would go to an eye doctor, right?

It follows. . . talk to a professional.

Good luck!

I don't think a hooker is good advice.

Originally Posted by Dedalus

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I don't think a hooker is good advice.

Or coke...!