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Falling for a girl w/a kid

post #1 of 61
Thread Starter 
I think I am. Cautions?
post #2 of 61
if you become serious, it will change your life to an extend you simply will not believe. good luck
post #3 of 61
What's her relationship with the child's father? That's what I'd be concerned about.
post #4 of 61
My wife had a kid (I knew him when he was born.) Definitely changes life. Watch Jerry Maguire or something...
post #5 of 61
if you're used to moving in and out of relationships relatively easily - and planning to keep doing so - this one might be stickier. (just a guess, not having had that experience.) if you're a heartbreaker, remember you'll be breaking two hearts.
post #6 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Margaret
What's her relationship with the child's father? That's what I'd be concerned about.

Excellent point. Plus, do you get along with the child? VERY important.
post #7 of 61
Move on without the baggage.

Also for the girl, worst gift a parent can give a kid is a step-parent. Doesn't even matter if it's a good step-parent.

It's nice to say, "I am the parent of my own children".

M8
post #8 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martinis at 8
Also for the girl, worst gift a parent can give a kid is a step-parent. Doesn't even matter if it's a good step-parent.

Uh... no.

A parent could give a half-ass relationship with a lowlife "real" parent. This would be the worst.

The best gift a parent could give is a clean break with said real parent.

I'll just leave it at that.
post #9 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martinis at 8
Move on without the baggage. Also for the girl, worst gift a parent can give a kid is a step-parent. Doesn't even matter if it's a good step-parent. It's nice to say, "I am the parent of my own children".
This is by far some of the worst advice I have ever seen.
post #10 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by j
Uh... no.

A parent could give a half-ass relationship with a lowlife "real" parent. This would be the worst.

The best gift a parent could give is a clean break with said real parent.

I'll just leave it at that.

I would ditch the lowlife real parent too, but just not hook up again. Choose wisely the first time, and if one chooses wrong, then don't choose again.

M8
post #11 of 61
To summarize:

It is how you get along with the child that will likely make or break the relationship.

The situation with the child's father is also important to know. It may be problematic, or not, but you should find out as much as you can.

Stepfamilies are tough, but can be done. It's just that the chemistry involves more than the usual two principals.
post #12 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by Martinis at 8
Move on without the baggage. Also for the girl, worst gift a parent can give a kid is a step-parent. Doesn't even matter if it's a good step-parent. It's nice to say, "I am the parent of my own children". M8
I'm usually pretty evenhanded in my comments, but you are just wrong, this both from personal experience and from observing lots of other cases. Just as an example, I know one guy who never found the right woman, and he raised/is raising, a household full of "unadoptable" boys. I would say that he gives them (he is not a foster parent, but has formally adopted all of them, so he is not doing this for the money, trust me) an immeasurably better upbringing than any one of them would have had being bounced from foster home to foster home, or from institution to institution. I'm probably not the first to tell you this, but if I am, I may be doing you a huge service. You come off as a pompous ass in writing. Fok. (not writing as a moderator).
post #13 of 61
sorry, M8, got to agree with Fok. I love that my son looks like me, but I would love him anyway. I know a lot of people who are raising children that aren't their own, biologically. the important thing here is not to fuck over the kid here - to understand going in that you are basically taking on the responsiblities of a family.
post #14 of 61
20% of all Americans don't know who their real Daddy is anyway. Sucks, doesn't it?
post #15 of 61
Quote:
Originally Posted by ken
I think I am. Cautions?

how old's the kid?

remember, if you split up with her, you're going to have to 'split up' with the child as well. this may be harder than you think if you have developed any sort of emotional bond with the kid (which, depending on the amount of time together and the age, you probably will have). definitely not a reason not to go for it though.
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