Quote:
Originally Posted by
Teger 
ok, I am going to sound like a dick/get called a dick, but whatever
robbie this is the third thread you have made like this. in every one people off you reasonable, helpful advice, and you seem to ignore it. what's the point here? nobody can live your life for you.
i think i've learned my lesson w/ taking your well intended advice/opinions as anything but...
i mentioned self esteem, i know that it might sound like bullshit... but fear of failure, and the rejection that accompanies it are big things i struggle with.
i am probably a little less mature in terms of my career/life plan than some.
i didn't buckle down and pay attention in school, i made some mistakes academically and i don't like the thoughts of going back.
i do lack courage, its a legitimate thing of you to notice. i admit it whole heartedly.
if i can make some statements of my own directly in response... I know that you and i grew up with different socioeconomic status' . you said something about a really expensive coat you wanted your family to give you as a gift... my life isn't like that. i am not jealous by any means, this is not why i mention it; just that you spefically have suggested loans to me, and while loans are magical they have to be paid back. if you'd like a straight answer, i have found it hard to make a 62 dollar payment some months.
i can only see the world through my experiences, and so far its been difficult at times to make the two ends meet. i have a wife to think about, and i want to contribute equally while still pursuing things that actually interest me.
All of this comes across like excuses. i am not trying to tell you reasons why i don't want to go back when i say those things... they are just me vocalizing the things that really make me second guess going back.
i am 'comfortable' in a lot of ways, but i want to be more comfortable. it is hard to give up the familiar for something you are unsure of. when i make these posts i am probing at people who have more life experience, and are more cosmopolitan than myself.
my dads life advice has been= 'join the service', since i was 6. he has no concept of the sort of individual aspirations i have for myself. if i make attempts at conversation, the generational gap is so wide anything we say is lost in translation.
i live in a town where i know my wife, michael krell, a handful of people who don't have lives i aspire to mirror.
there are people on SF i feel who've found themselves with similar concerns, or atleast what i feel might have been similar concerns that they've overcome enroute to their current level of success and so that is why i've made 3 of these threads in an attempt to rid myself of the bullshit doubts and fears that plague me.
and while i haven't been appreciative in the past, thank you... i am sorry it has taken me a while to not be insanely self conscious and take your advice/constructive criticisms as something other than attacks/rejection. sure you are just some dude on the internet, but ... anyways, this doesn't need to turn into something it isnt.
{cue colin powell gif]
