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Laugh at your loved ones

post #1 of 36
9/24/09 at 6:40pm
Thread Starter 
just what it says - the people who fed you, changed your diapers, took care of you when you fell down on the playground and scraped your knee.

here is the thread to laugh at them and tell stories about them. go on!!
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post #2 of 36
9/24/09 at 6:42pm
My dad has a Ukrainian accent even though we was born and raised in Canada. He pronounces "disgusting" something like "dizzzguzzzting". Makes me laugh every time.
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post #3 of 36
9/24/09 at 6:48pm
Oh god, the stories I could tell about my mother. Here's one of my favorite ones:

There is a 10 year gap between myself, and my next youngest sibling. So when I was about 10 or so, there was this family gathering; can't remember what the event was. Someone asked my brother a question to the effect of how he likes to be out on his own. He said a few things, then said one of the coolest things is, he found out there's really a piece of pork in pork and beans. I got all puzzled, and said how I always thought that was just a name from old times, and it was just beans. Turns out my mother would open the can, and fish out the pork to stuff in her maw, prior to heating the beans.

So I found out there was a piece of pork, in pork and beans, when my older brother told the story of how he was surprised the first time he opened his own can of pork and beans.
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post #4 of 36
9/24/09 at 6:56pm
iammatt has pretty epic family stories. They were posted previously. One time my great-grandparents got into a fight at my grandparents' house (this was sometime in the 1990s). Mimi, my great-grandmother, was a whimsical old drunk. Pop, great-granddad, was a pretty quiet and contemplative guy. But the fights they used to get into! On this particular occasion, Mimi marched down the driveway to the very busy four-lane road at the end (N.B. they used to live in a heavily trafficked suburb of Albany). She laid down in the road and started screaming, "RUN ME OVER FRANK! JUST RUN ME OVER, GOD DAMNIT!" I was there, but too young to remember. Rest their souls, hilarious ppl.
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post #5 of 36
9/24/09 at 7:36pm
My sister in law has no taste. None. you know how some people can't carry a tune in a bucket or are color blind? Well, she like that but for taste. She bought this big-ass painting kind of a country landscape and big as a house. I swear it looks like the kind of mass produced fake paintings they sell at Bed Bath & Beyond. Turned out she payed good money for it at an "art" fair. She just lacks the ability to think for her self or decide if something is good. I guess the fact that it was sold at an "official" art auction somehow made her believe it was not trash. The rest of the family (besides my brother) make fun of her behind her back every time we get together. We try not to but she just keeps giving us reasons to.
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post #6 of 36
9/24/09 at 8:01pm
When we first came to this country, before my mother became fluent/literate in english, she would feed us cat tuna. She had no idea it was for cats, she always thought the cat was the mascot for the brand like the bumble bee.
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post #7 of 36
9/24/09 at 8:04pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by r... View Post
When we first came to this country, before my mother became fluent/literate in english, she would feed us cat tuna. She had no idea it was for cats, she always thought the cat was the mascot for the brand like the bumble bee.

Thats awesome. How did it taste?
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post #8 of 36
9/24/09 at 8:12pm
Well she made it in a locrio (spanish rice with meat/veggies cooked into it) so it tatsed like tuna. This was over two decades ago, lord knows what cat tuna taste like now but old women seem to love it.
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post #9 of 36
9/24/09 at 8:25pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by r... View Post
When we first came to this country, before my mother became fluent/literate in english, she would feed us cat tuna. She had no idea it was for cats, she always thought the cat was the mascot for the brand like the bumble bee.
LOL.
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post #10 of 36
9/24/09 at 8:25pm
ask conne, he's gonna eat the cat tuna tonight
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post #11 of 36
9/24/09 at 9:03pm
My granddad is a 'character'. Grew up the son of a tent revival minister (who I'm named after), one of four children all of who participated in the family 'ministry band'. Wanted to play pro basketball but UVA didn't want to give him money because of his height (5"6) and his family was dirt poor so he then went to NY to try his hand at boxing, went to Florida (lived in a retirement community in their 20's) with my grandma where they were both semi-pro bowlers, became a stewardess for Delta, moved back to VA and started a trucking company. He's shrunk down to nothing and looks like Yoda, but he still walks around puffing away on his pipe at all times and thinks he's a total casanova, and years and years of adultery are suspected but nobody has ever been able to prove it. We'll go to Morton's and the waitress will greet him and he'll smirk, cock his head sideways and be like, "Well hello there, my dear." It's hilarious. If it has a vag he flirts with it. Two years ago I introduced him to Sigur Ros and now he listens to them every day and updates me on their new albums and such, as I really haven't followed them in a few years. He's hilarious.
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post #12 of 36
9/24/09 at 9:27pm
my mom told my grandmother she was going to have a baby-about 15 mins before she had me. no dad around. further proof i am the christ child.
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post #13 of 36
9/24/09 at 9:30pm
my stories are not really so much funny as awful. my one uncle with severe neuromuscular issues was like a father to me but my other uncles used to ignore me and call me a fat little croatian faggot. my grandfather resented me because my existence prevented him from retiring. he flat out hated me for it.
i had no vacation as a kid cause we had no money, never got to learn and instrument or take karate or participate in sports. my grandmother who i loved more than anything died last year and i haven't been the same since. funny shit.
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post #14 of 36
9/24/09 at 9:36pm
My grandmother spoke some funny English. She always accentuated the separation of the two syllables in 'sausage' and said it like 'saw-SAGE'. When she told us to turn off the lights, she always literally translated it and said 'close the light'.
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post #15 of 36
9/24/09 at 9:37pm
^all guineas say close the light
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