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question for the under 25 set - Page 6

post #76 of 89
9/6/09 at 5:26am
In elementary and middle school, the consequences are very mild. Detention, loss of recess, suspension if its particularly bad. In high school though, a dumb decision could really screw up College. I'd say let him go for it, the lesson he will learn is too valuable..... unless he gets his ass kicked.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SField View Post
You know, him beating up this one kid isn't going to stop anything. I think you've seen too many bad prison movies or something. He's in grade 2 man. Unless he really knows how to hit someone, it's just going to be a little shoving match with some tumbling around till the fight gets stopped 3 seconds later by a teacher.

School doesn't just work like "o wow, that kid punched out the other kid, let's not fuck with him". Unless your child unscrews the metal container that holds shavings from the pencil sharpener or uses a fucking stapler to pistol whip the kid, it isn't really going to do much. In all likihood it will breed more animosity and lead to more fighting.

My question is why, if your kid has all these friends, is this kid able to bully your son? The whole deal of a bully being a loner in my experience doesn't exist. Usually it's the cool kids picking on the fat/nerdy/dork kids. People with friends, unless it's a sort of minority group (as in the 'nerds' etc..) don't really get picked on. If your kid is being picked on now, it is extremely likely that even if he beat this one kid up, he'd be picked on a month from now. One incident in grade 2 isn't going to change shit. In fact, every weirdo I ever knew who got picked on like crazy had at least one incident where they went totally apeshit and fucked up some jock/'cool kid' or whatever. That didn't alter any perceptions whatsoever and didn't prevent teasing in any way.

So in conclusion, I must ask how the hell is this kid able to bully your son? In a normally functioning school yard hierarchy, the bullying kid, if your son was popular or had any kind of group of friends, would be ostracized and himself severely bullied. Gym class, recess and school trips being the obvious venues. So my conclusion is either that your son is in fact far lower in the social hierarchy than you think, or that this is a complete anomaly that defies every convention ever.

Bullies tend to pick on easy targets, those who 'actually' fight back and defend themselves are probably less likely to get shit on.
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post #77 of 89
9/6/09 at 9:15am
In my school if you had a fight, even if the other kid was totally asking for a good punch, you'd be suspended for about two weeks, and if you beat the other kid up to badly their parents would probably bring criminal charges against you, although I never knew anyone who actually got convicted or interviewed. Do it to many times and you'd probably be looking at expulsion.

But if he's only in second grade the consequences probably won't be to bad, more of a tap on the wrist, just aslong as he doesn;t make a habit of beating other people up.
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post #78 of 89
9/6/09 at 9:46am
Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
well, that is the first choice of action. we will see how it works. my wife spoke to the gym teacher,who is a friend and who is on the playground during recess. apperently the other boy is a problem for a lot of kids.

The solution is to have your child secretly approach all the other kids who have been picked on by this bully. Have him meet with them in a secret location somewhere to form a detailed strategy on how to lure said bully into an isolated location with no more than 2 points of egress. Once the plan has been formulated, make sure each member has the plan fully memorized and execute it to perfection. Said bully will be lured and trapped into predetermined location. All the other kids will jump out from hidden locations (dumpsters, trash cans, etc) and beat the living daylights out of said bully. And to top it off they will give him a massive wedgie. Make sure to let the bully know that any future retaliation will be met with an even stronger show of force. This form of physical defeat and humiliation is necessary to whip him into shape so that he can be a model 2nd grader in the future. Hopefully it's not too late.. this usually work best in kindergarten or 1st grade. This will not only hopefully address the situation, but also provide an opportunity for your kid to bond with others in his age group and allow him to form long and lasting friendships for life.
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post #79 of 89
9/6/09 at 9:50am
when I was 7 or 8, a kid called Dino used to push me around. My mother complained to the school....Dino got in trouble, and i was a little whiny bitch hiding behind mummy. Bullying increased. My dad told me to hit him. I did. A scuffle ensued that was promptly broken up by teachers before a definitive result was reached. Dino never bothered me again, which in its own way, is a definitive result. Incidentally last I heard he was a professional soccer player who married the model that lived three doors down from me, so I guess he turned out OK too
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post #80 of 89
9/6/09 at 9:58am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SField View Post
You know, him beating up this one kid isn't going to stop anything. I think you've seen too many bad prison movies or something. He's in grade 2 man. Unless he really knows how to hit someone, it's just going to be a little shoving match with some tumbling around till the fight gets stopped 3 seconds later by a teacher.

School doesn't just work like "o wow, that kid punched out the other kid, let's not fuck with him". Unless your child unscrews the metal container that holds shavings from the pencil sharpener or uses a fucking stapler to pistol whip the kid, it isn't really going to do much. In all likihood it will breed more animosity and lead to more fighting.

My question is why, if your kid has all these friends, is this kid able to bully your son? The whole deal of a bully being a loner in my experience doesn't exist. Usually it's the cool kids picking on the fat/nerdy/dork kids. People with friends, unless it's a sort of minority group (as in the 'nerds' etc..) don't really get picked on. If your kid is being picked on now, it is extremely likely that even if he beat this one kid up, he'd be picked on a month from now. One incident in grade 2 isn't going to change shit. In fact, every weirdo I ever knew who got picked on like crazy had at least one incident where they went totally apeshit and fucked up some jock/'cool kid' or whatever. That didn't alter any perceptions whatsoever and didn't prevent teasing in any way.

So in conclusion, I must ask how the hell is this kid able to bully your son? In a normally functioning school yard hierarchy, the bullying kid, if your son was popular or had any kind of group of friends, would be ostracized and himself severely bullied. Gym class, recess and school trips being the obvious venues. So my conclusion is either that your son is in fact far lower in the social hierarchy than you think, or that this is a complete anomaly that defies every convention ever.



yeah, I'm not sure bullying is the right term.

in my son's school it usually comes down to kids who pester other kids - I guess pester is the right term rather than bully. and it usually comes down to socio economic divide more than anything else. some kids don't seem to be figuring out how to handle school, and so spend a lot of thier time tryiing to distract the other kids. this other kid was pinching my son repeatedly in line for lunch, and was spending recess crowding him. last year there were a couple of kids who acted simlarly: the teachers are very aware of who they are, and they bother most of the kids in the class who are trying to lean and who fit in. I am guessing that they will figure out the system a few years late, rather than not at all.


and I don't picture a situation where my son beats him down and then everyone in the school is scared of him. I've seen 40-50 pound boys fight. that's why I'm not worried about my son going overboard, I don't think that he can actually do any physical damage to the other boy. but I don't want him thinking in terms of swinging a few punches or slaps and not trying to go all out.


more importantly, its how he reacts to life later - if he lets people pick on him because he's scared or doesn't know how to deal with it, then it will establish a pattern.

what actually happened this week was that my son slapped the kid in line after the kid pinched him, and for a couple of days had quiet.
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post #81 of 89
9/6/09 at 10:10am
Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
yeah, I'm not sure bullying is the right term.

in my son's school it usually comes down to kids who pester other kids - I guess pester is the right term rather than bully. and it usually comes down to socio economic divide more than anything else.

This is pretty much exactly the socio-economic situation mix that existed in my 'integrated' junior high school. Except in jhs, the kids from the bad side of town were all also extremely tall, big, and nasty.
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post #82 of 89
9/6/09 at 5:17pm
If you don't want your son to physically hit the kid, teach him to stare down the little troublemaker. Eye contact goes a long way.
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post #83 of 89
9/6/09 at 5:42pm
This thread is wack and the story doesn't really add up. What are some examples of what's going on? SField is 1000% right, either your kid is mr popularity or he's a victim, and if its the former than you don't need to fight some douchebag randomly giving you shit, you just need to tell him to fuck off.
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post #84 of 89
9/6/09 at 9:50pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Teger View Post
This thread is wack and the story doesn't really add up. What are some examples of what's going on? SField is 1000% right, either your kid is mr popularity or he's a victim, and if its the former than you don't need to fight some douchebag randomly giving you shit, you just need to tell him to fuck off.



look, I wouldn't say he is either Mr. Popularity or a victem - he is a pretty well rounded, pretty popular kid.

he isn't suffuring tremendiously, it isn't like he is loosing sleep over this thing or something. what is happening is that another kid in his class is doing crap like poking him and pincing him in line.

when I was in school, if a kid did crap like this to me it was pretty simply, I'd pop him one, and he would either pop me back or leave me alone. that seems to me to be what childhood used to be like.
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post #85 of 89
9/6/09 at 9:52pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by globetrotter View Post
what actually happened this week was that my son slapped the kid
Hahaha. Here you are encouraging your son man up and knock the kid out and kick him while he's down, and what does he do? He bitch slaps the kid once. I'm thinking the other guys are might be onto something. I got picked on in school, but I was the weird only child and one of few Asians. I don't ever remember the cool kids, be they jocks or drug dealers, ever getting picked on. It's often the less fortunate doing the picking on, but the ones that get picked on, they're not the cool guys. It boils a lot less down to whether they're integrating well in school than whether they're cool or not. I don't know, I guess this is just 2nd grade though and cool is less of a factor.
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post #86 of 89
9/6/09 at 10:32pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by SField View Post
My question is why, if your kid has all these friends, is this kid able to bully your son? The whole deal of a bully being a loner in my experience doesn't exist. Usually it's the cool kids picking on the fat/nerdy/dork kids. People with friends, unless it's a sort of minority group (as in the 'nerds' etc..) don't really get picked on. If your kid is being picked on now, it is extremely likely that even if he beat this one kid up, he'd be picked on a month from now. One incident in grade 2 isn't going to change shit. In fact, every weirdo I ever knew who got picked on like crazy had at least one incident where they went totally apeshit and fucked up some jock/'cool kid' or whatever. That didn't alter any perceptions whatsoever and didn't prevent teasing in any way.
1+ I've never seen anyone getting bullied when they were with friends. Loners, yes.
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post #87 of 89
9/6/09 at 11:26pm
Thread Starter 
yeah, well, thanks for all the thoughts. I'm not going to get into a discussion about my son's social situation.
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post #88 of 89
9/6/09 at 11:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Viktri View Post
1+ I've never seen anyone getting bullied when they were with friends. Loners, yes.
Actually it happens quite often. The bully catches the kid away from the group and pounds him or the group is too scared to stand up to the bully and leaves the boy alone. Surprisingly, this is very common with girls as well.
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post #89 of 89
9/7/09 at 12:36am
you guys are building this up way too much.
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