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Relationship advice: that ex - Page 7

post #91 of 111
Heh, I think I should stop before I get put in time out.
post #92 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by fine leather on my feet
well since this has been off track for a bit now, she phoned me tonight and i brought up the subject

Conversation lead to an ultimatum
she said if i wanted her to get rid of her friend she will
and that she has no conscious/subconscious feelings for her ex

i am in university and at the moment im about 100 kms away on weekdays and so that friend is all my girlfriend has left when im gone. We have both been out of highschool for more than 2 years and we shed alot of people from our lives

she didnt bring up trust once, i made it very clear that it was not a trust issue and im very satisfied that the converstion did not lead to a screaming match, raising of voices, or even an arguement.

I got everything i had a problem with off of my chest and i feel like a conversation of that magnitude, and that could possibly make or break or relationship was taken in stride, that there is not a thing for me to worry about.


I also feel like things will be dramamtically different when we are living together this summer, and the next couple of years as i am transfering to a university closer to home, and with a more suitable program for me

one thing i did fail to see was that when i am home, it is just me, i had attempted to be friends with the ex and that did not work out and since, she has no forced us to spend time as a threesome

criticism of my update is appreciated
i feel like im going to get alot of frowns but because i wasnt necessarily ready to leave with no explanation, i obviously couldnt take that route



good for you, lad! now get dressed and go to your favorite deparment store and splurge on terribly expensive shoes, or some nice coat or shirt. this seems to work on the opposite gender if they want to feel much much better.
post #93 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by nightowl6261a
I think the best advice is find a good hooker, in the end the cost is the same, the pains are less, and the sex is WHEN you want it
I posted this precrash, but here it is...an expat institution...Colonel Ken's Cost Per Knob Index

Quote:
The Colonel's 'Cost-per-Knob' Index

Which is cheaper: sex for money, or sex within the hallowed institution of a loving marriage as endorsed by the pope?

Let me paint the parameters of this painstaking research first: All statistics are based on American figures for consistency. Well that plus they've got more divorce lawyers than you could point a pit bull terrier at, so statistics from the US Census Bureau are plentiful.

The median duration of a marriage is 7.2 years, and the median age of divorce is 35.6 for men. During that time, sex - more commonly known as Giving the Ferret a Run, Hiding the Salami, Putting the Tool in the Shed, the Matrimonial Polka, or the Magic Disappearing Cane Trick - is likely to rear its ugly head 6.9 times per month (according to Edward O Laumann, Americanbabies.com). But let's go with some more generous statistics from the Illinois State University, who say that married couples Make the Beast With Two Backs two to three times a week in their twenties.

Assuming the average man therefore marries at 28 years of age, let's allow for three Horizontal Cha-Chas per week for three years, two per week for the next three years, and then - as kids and boredom from eating from the same menu and dissatisfaction creep into the game - let's say once a week for the remaining 1.2 years. That, ladies and genitals, gives you a grand total of 842.4 rounds with the Chubby Conquistador (well, you remember that time you fell asleep on the job, don't you?).

Now, my good friend Dr Sam Vaknin - financial consultant and economic advisor to the stars - calculates that the average couple in the west accumulates assets of US$100,000 over seven years of marriage. We could argue maybe a little more for expats, but let's stay with the conservative figures.

If divorce now takes place, kiss goodbye to half your assets. It just cost you $50,000 for 842.4 grease and oil changes. Cost-per-Knob: $59.35 per time with the Chief of Staff.

But, and this is a big but (perhaps I should spell that 'butt'!): the cost of legal fees, etc, for the divorce itself is $15,000 and takes a year to complete. During that time, let's presume the Purple-Helmeted Warrior of Love is enjoying no attention from your ex-partner (although, if the mood seems right, you might want to ask if you could finish off that missing 0.6 from the better days).

Plus, you've had two kids in the meantime, and the cost of child maintenance for two kids is 27% of net wages. This could be more for expats, but let's just call it a nice even $1,000 per month. For a period of, oh, 13 years just till the older one turns 18. So we're on the low side again. That's a total of $156,000 in child support.

So you actually spent $221,000 for those 842.4 Air-flown Kobe Beef Injections at a Cost-per-knob of $262.34 a piece. But hold on, we haven't even factored in those fancy dinners, cocktails, bunches of flowers on Valentines Day (or the day after, when she reminded you), fur coats, and trinkets. Oh, the trinkets!

Now let's look at the alternative. You swan down to Soi Nana in Bangkok. Let's call it the epicentre of the universe, just for illustrative purposes you understand. You browse the 3-D living blackboard menu on stage, with the soup of the day changing everyday, with Chef invariably offering a specialty of the house.

Let's say you're between 35-45, slightly overweight and balding (ie, you possess all the best attributes of the male species!). According to the website www.bangkokbargirls.info someone of that description would averagely be paying 1,195.12 baht for a Bounce With Mr Wobbly at Soi Nana with a medianly attractive girl who can joke and have some fun with you. (Face it, fellow stud bulls, we're paying more than Mel Gibson would have to.) Now let's throw in 250 baht for ladies drinks, 300 baht for a short-time hotel room, and 500 baht as bar-fine. That's a grand total of $2,245.12 baht for the satisfaction of the One-eyed Wonder Worm. At 43 baht to the dollar that's - dadaaaaaah!!!! - a Cost-per-Knob of just $52.21 to put a smile on the face of the Bald-headed Butler. All in. And you don't have to discuss her feelings afterwards. Even if you did a personal best of 0 to 100 in 7.8 seconds so you could get back to watch the second half of the game!

So ladies and genitals, irrefutable proof of what you always thought: it's cheaper to buy a litre of milk as required rather than the whole cow. Paying for sex is cheaper. And the golden rule I'm dispensing for free here is this: if it flies, floats or fucks, you're better off renting it.

Cop you later,

Colonel Ken
post #94 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by fine leather on my feet
Im in a serious relationship

my girlfriend is currently best friends with an ex boyfriend, who happens to have been her first love

we absolutely despise each other


now, my girlfriend is constantly fighting with this ex when they hang out, they get into arguments where she is left crying on many occasions

i wonder, what is she clinging on to if there is very little that she likes about this guy


what should i do? It has been brought up by me on many occasions with no closure on the subject.
She says he will always be there
i dont like that idea in the slightest

I do not know the dynamics of you and your woman but You do not have your woman locked tight. If you have, she won't be hanging around her ex. You need to be DA MAN in her life. You need to make her understand that she has no time to think about other man but you. I usually establish this very early stage of a relationship. If you are heavly involved in her lifestyle, you need to slowly steer it to your lifestyle. Make her do things according to your plan and your choice. Meet other woman. Show her that you are meeting other woman. You'll then see she will be busy thinking about you.
post #95 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by MilanoStyle
I do not know the dynamics of you and your woman but You do not have your woman locked tight. If you have, she won't be hanging around her ex. You need to be DA MAN in her life. You need to make her understand that she has no time to think about other man but you.

I love it. Lock her down, tight!!!
post #96 of 111
I've been in a similar situation, although the girl i was seeing was cheating on her deadbeat bf. She kept telling me she loved me and that she would dump him when the time was right (his grand father got cancer, followed by his father, over a period of six months which resulted in the fathers death). The problem was that she had been seeing the guy for 5 years and the more I looked at the situation, the more I realized that this girl had absolutely no backbone. I sympathized with her because she had been through a lot of nasty shit in her teens and despite the guys many faults, at least he didn't hit her (he did empty her savings account though), but eventually I had to say enough was enough. I stopped talking to her completely one day. It was very difficult for me because she was the secretary at work! I was essentially miserable for the next 3 months but I kept it inside and didn't give her the gratification of knowing that I cared.

The fucked-up part is that she knew and still knows how much of a loser he is and how little potential he has in life, yet just last week they celebrated their 6th anniversary of being together. I took the liberty of sticking it to her. When I saw the roses my only comment was "so you're celebrating 6 wasted years now? How special..." It was completely un-professional, but knowing that's what she'd be thinking about all night, it sure made me feel good!

My point is that you may love the girl, and I don't mean any disrespect, but you have to consider the possibility that she is completely fucked-up in the head and incapable of making the right choice for herself, in which case you should walk at the first sign of this. In my situation, I let things drag-out for far too long before I cut her off. It was partly due to arrogance on my part. I knew that I was better than her bf in every way that mattered, and that if I stuck it out, she would eventually leave him. That's not always what happens.

The girl I was seeing was so screwed-up, that even though she could point out all the reasons why her bf is a douche-bag, she still couldn't get up the nerve to leave him. It's almost like battered women's syndrome.

EDIT: just read your update. Words and action are two different things. I'd keep a close eye on the situation, but I honestly hope things work-out well for you. The long-distance thing makes it very easy for her to lie to you about whether or not she's seeing him.
post #97 of 111
GQgeek,

You missed the part about "him" being "her".

Maybe J can add a "Please read ALL posts before replying, there are unpredictable plot twists" disclaimer.
post #98 of 111
If she still seeks out this ex after the ultimatum, there's the deal breaker. She will have proven her priority despite what promises / compromises were said.

And this illuminating "cost per knob index" has one potential consideration. If you got a divorce a that coincided with the great slide of tech stock mutual funds, subtract personal assetts by another 50%.

My advice: avoid both of these situations!
post #99 of 111
bail out bro... run.... but then again. You r only 20... stick around (pad pun) never know u might learn something worth learning... sometimes u need to leave that thing alone... love is respect... somehow it is disrespectful to do what she is doing to you... however her pain, whatever her story...
post #100 of 111
wow
post #101 of 111
Man. This is tough. You have to sit and have that discussion with her about what is is she is gaining by remaining friends with the ex. And break down the fact that it makes you uncomfortable. Stay away from issuing ultimatum cuz women hate that shit. And it can make the situation worst.

If she cannot understand where you are coming from with your discomfort of the whole situation, I would advise you to step sway from it for a bit. Just walk away and "do your thing."
post #102 of 111
my wow was more directed at the fact that this is a two year old thread bump..

Im pretty sure the OP would have this solved one way or the other by now.
post #103 of 111
I wonder what the outcome is...

Hey, OP, are you still around?!
post #104 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by herzzreh View Post
I wonder what the outcome is...

Hey, OP, are you still around?!
post #105 of 111
that handle was a temp made for posting this thread....he has another nick on SF, but only J knows his true identity

maybe J can shed some light....
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