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Manly Things - Page 3

post #31 of 181
i posted this before the crash, but here it is, the Australian version of 24 things that make you feel like a man:

Quote:
24 Things that make you feel like a man

1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle.

5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement.. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard.

7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When girls have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10, NODDING AT COPS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

12, KICKING A FOOTBALL AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Beat that Beckham, I kick so hard I set off car alarms.

13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pissed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

18, TAKING OUT $3000 FROM AN ATM - okay, so its for paying the plumber but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

19, PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - unlike women, we get straight to the point. "alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? Right, seven it is then... See ya."

20, PARALLEL PARKING - bosh, straight in. first time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

21, HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

22, HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

23, KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "a Phillips-head? For that? Are you mad?"

24, TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE TOILET - a visual code that says that's right, i'm going in there for a huge, long man-sized shit.

I'm a big fan of number 20
post #32 of 181
Similar to #22, I thought of another one: busting a knuckle or getting a bloody scrape on your hand and just keeping on working - at most you go fold up a paper towel and duct tape it on there so it doesn't drip blood on your upholstery. That's Manly first aid.
post #33 of 181
The antithesis of manliness: my common practice of sitting down to pee.
post #34 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pink22m
The antithesis of manliness: my common practice of sitting down to pee.

Honey, it's not my aim, it's the altitude!

Relevant: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/030509.html

~ Huntsman
post #35 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by Edward Appleby
Having a spontaneous sword/lightsaber fight with whatever implement's handy.
Reminded me of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzOMeKQh2Oc
post #36 of 181
I know what makes me feel not like a man. Taking a friend's little toy dog for a walk.
post #37 of 181
Being a Maine Yankee I've done most of the usual things like building my own house, fixing my truck, driving a backhoe, etc. The most "manly" thing I've done was working on a sword fishing boat for a few months many years ago. One of my jobs was to kill all the sharks we caught. The general method of accomplishing this was using an axe. After a few weeks at sea.......and many sharks killed.....we landed a 10 foot Mako. I went about my usual business but the thing wouldn't die....it was freakin amazing, almost supernatural. I finally lost it and kicked it in frustration....just as it opened its mouth...and clamped down on my foot. I can assure you that at that moment I screamed like a little girl, not the 6'2", 230 LB, bearded, cave man that I looked like. A friend of mine on the ship quickly got a shotgun and pumped 3 loads into the sharks pea sized brain....about 6 inches from my foot. Thankfully it was nearly dead anyway so I escaped with only minor wounds. Someday I'll tell you about getting dragged overboard......and the night we went throught the Bermuda Triangle.......on Friday the 13th.
post #38 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by Huntsman
This is very neat.

Also flying helicopters would so seriously make this list. I remember watching Harrison Ford on Leno -- he had a chopper, and Leno pressed him about it, and apparently he'd broken it. Down a notch in manliness right there. Plus that earring!

Regards,
Huntsman

when I was in my twenties and I went out with friends we would be a bunch of gunmen and pilots - my best friend is a father of 3 and an MBA/Engineer - but he was a fighter/bomber pilot at the time. there may not be anything quite as manly as sitting around over beer comparing stories of shootings and bombings.
post #39 of 181
Jacking off with sandpaper.
post #40 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by j
Similar to #22, I thought of another one: busting a knuckle or getting a bloody scrape on your hand and just keeping on working - at most you go fold up a paper towel and duct tape it on there so it doesn't drip blood on your upholstery. That's Manly first aid.

I always cauterize mine with the lighter from my car.
post #41 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arethusa

I also like knowing how to drive. Girls can't seem to figure that shit out.

Yeah, what's up with that?

Jon.
post #42 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by johnapril
Jacking off with sandpaper.

Wuss.
post #43 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by johnapril
Jacking off with sandpaper.

You must have no penis left.

Jon.
post #44 of 181
Quote:
Originally Posted by skalogre
I was imagining something like this actually, lol.



P.s. I agree, ditto on the +1 homme-points for the backing up with out mirrors though

See, that's what you use to drive to a party. Let everyone else bring their 911's and their SL500's, and the one guy with the F360. You on the other hand bring a 3 million dollar truck than can haul 300+ tons and is the size of a house. Plus, no one is cutting you off, because, well you take up the entire road, both directions.

Jon.
post #45 of 181
Quote:
10, NODDING AT COPS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line".

I'm a fan of this one. My GF always rolls her eyes when I nod to cops. She's all "Do you know that guy?" and I'm like "No."

I'm not particularly good with cars, but when I had a driveway, I always used to change my own oil, flush/fill other automotive fluids, etc. That was fun.
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