I'm sure you all know, Stanley van Buren's diplomatic mission to the Court of LAGuy, Holy Styleforum Emperor, to try and restore Thumbs Up comments, was a complete disaster. For those who don't want to read through the Transparent Moderation Log & Site Topics II thread, I'll tell you what happened here. Warning: Spoiler! (Click to show)
It all went down in the Court of LAGuy, King of the United Forums of SW&D and MC, Emperor of B&S, and Holy Styleforum Emperor of this site and the dominions beyond the cyberseas. Though LAGuy is absolute ruler, the court was less than princely...with Emperor was doubling dinner with his audience, and the air was heavy with Mapo tofu and Kung Pao chicken and deep fried egg rolls.
Court eunuchs Mr Moo and institches danced sycophantically beside the emperor, rolls of toilet paper at the ready to clean the imperial ass on command...Prime Minister NORE stood at attention to open the public hearing.
LAGuy: (giant slurping sounds as Kung Pao chicken is consumed alongside a bowl of noodles, doesn't look up): Begin!
Minister NORE: The Emperor, in his infinite wisdom, has edicted to do away with Thumb comments. They foster a shadow community of renegades and degenerates, and The Imperial Army cannot moderate them. So they are removed! That is all!
Eunuch Mr Moo: An excellent decision, Majesty! How lovely you look today! (Fluttering toilet paper to show he is ready and willing...)
Minister NORE: Majesty will now hear from the public. Presenting Stanley van Buren, nobleman from SW&D. (Stanley enters, Brad-t is his pageboy carrying his train...)
Stanley van Buren: Majesty, I speak for SW&D. We believe Thumbs Up do more good than harm. They allow for shorter, pithier replies to fit pics which would otherwise clutter the threads. Moreover, the van Buren family has been illustrious sponsors of the arts...under our patronage, poet TCWalter07 produced some of SF's finest poetry in the medium of ThumbsUp comments, poetry hithero unseen on Styleforum...in the proess, the Ebonics language has been elevated to dizzying new heights...Perhaps you could reconsider your edict?
Emperor LAGuy: (giant munching sounds of deep-fried eggs rolls and lots of lip-smacking noises....he doesn't look up at Stanley): NEXT!!
Stanley van Buren: But Majesty...please, hear me out!
Eunuch institches: His Imperial Majesty has spoken! Thumbs are out! Which part don't you get...Thumbs or out? (waving toilet paper, turns to LAGuy) Majesty, what style you have!
Pageboy Brad-t: But Majesty...couldn't you, like, hire a developer to code in moderating thumbs into, like, the SF platform or something? It'll cost, like, $400 bucks. The van Burens have workers in their sweatshops working for, like, $2 an hour....
Eunuch Mr Moo: (at Brad-t): SILENCE, DOG!
LAGuy: (intrigued by the impudence of Pageboy Brad-t, LAGuy looks up....he is piqued, he lustily eyes Brad-t up and down, and thinks, "Hmmmm"...his eyes light up, he smiles): Brad-t, with all respect, the Styleforum Ex-chequer thinks it'll cost more than $400...tut, tut, such naivete from one so young and handsome...but no matter...tell me, what other interests do you have, besides BBS platforms? Other than being so handsome...hahahha..."
Nobleman Stanley van Buren: (rolls eyes) Oh please!
(There is clamouring at the door, sounds of "You can't go in now, His Majesty is hearing someone else, lots of pushing and shoving...)
Persian Ambassador Shah storms in...or rather, sails in, billowing head-to-toe in Yohji under full canvas...
Persian Ambassador Shah: Look, Thumbs comments can wait. Miran is higher priority. In the name of Allah, this insta-banning must stop now!
LAGuy: (More slurping sounds, but looks up at the Shah): The fuck?....Allah what? GUARDS! Take this nut outside and set him on fire!
Minister NORE (whispers something into Emperor LAGuy's ear, something about diplomatic immunity and protocol)...
LAGuy: (To NORE): Well, Take him to the Persian border and throw him out across the frontier! (Address everyone now) We are done with Miran's bullshit. If that wild animal comes into our purview, we shoot it dead! We won't hunt it, but if we spot it, it's killed!
Minister EmptyM: (twisted, sadistic smile on his face, he cocks his rifle...He thinks to himself....'well, I do hunt it...but let's not say anything, I'll wipe that animal out, don't you worry your pretty little head'...EmptyM addresses LAGuy): Yes, Majesty...I got that, Majesty....don't worry, I got it...(chuckles to himself)...
Shah is dragged out by guards, More slurping sounds from LAGuy, followed by giant burp...onlooking Stanley van Buren is clearly disgusted judging from the expression on his face...
Eunuch Mr Moo: (screams after Shah) AND STAY THE FUCK OUT!!!!! (Mr Moo turns to LAguy)....Sire, he is a pig...he insulted my manhood the other day in a Thumbs Up!
Minister NORE: Nobleman Furo, Majesty!
Nobleman Furo: (To LAGuy): Sire, Thumbs Up comments have destroyed SW&D...they are a den of bestiality, homosexuality, every depraved, Godless degeneracy you can think of!! In fact that whole WAYWT thread is disgusting! I was so disgusted by it I don't even go there now! I say shut it down...fumugate those roaches and put them out to dry! Taking Thumbs Up comments away is not enough...as wise as Majesty was to take them away!
Nobleman Stanley van Buren: (rolls eyes, and mutters to himself): Oh, please!
Minister NORE: Anybody else? Majesty's edict stands. No Thumbs Up comments. All of you, get the fuck out now! Majesty has dined and now needs to take a dump...
LAGuy: (giant burp)...clattering of dishes as Imperial dinner plates are taken away...
Eunuch Mr Moo: (in the most sycophantic and grovelling tone) Majesty....Stylish Majesty...may I have the privilege, Sire, of licking clean the Imperial Ass?
Eunuch institches (pushes Mr Moo out the way): Sire....(waving toilet paper)....I am gentler, sire, let me have the privilege....
LAGuy: (giant fart)...
Hell of a first post
Have you seen lookbook.nu, they actually think they have taste (my mac autochanges lookbook to cookbook, must be a sign).