Anyone dealt with depression/ Bi-polar in their partner? - Page 4

Not my GF but relevant.

As I type, I have a girl staying in my garage apt. Really as a favor to a friend. She must be that stage 1 or whatever was described before as the more severe condition.

She's about 28 and says she's on lithium, ( though I believe this requires a lot of blood screening, and I just don't see her doing it ) also Lexapro (Sp ) and something else.

She's absolutely honest and pleasant, so I don't mind helping out my friend. She was staying in one of those by the week places and paying something like $1,400 a month ( $350 a week ). She couldn't handle it so we're helping her out by letting her just pay the utilities. She's supposed to move to Phoenix in 2 or 3 weeks.

Here's what's amazing. Sometimes she's in her manic and will be sociable and talk and such. Other times she depressed and sleeps a lot. Like a lot of younger people she always has her laptop and smart phone. She absolutely will not call anyone or take calls. Only texts or IM. Is this common in the age 20s set?

Also what piqued my interest was her computer skills. I'm not very technical but I'm fascinated by it. A partner and I were going to do a business venture and were quoted from $1,000 - $3,000 for a real good website plus more for SEO.

She heard this and said I can do that. I said how much? She said no charge, no problem. She then showed me about 15 pages she has done. Now remember I'm no techie but from the little I know, I saw lots of Java, shopping carts, animation, etc. on her sites. Some looked really good to me.

She likes to be alone and works away furiously at the computer while constantly watching her texting. It reminds me of a mad scientist ( not in a bad way at all ). I asked how she had learned this stuff and she told me she had taught herself. She can churn out a really nice professional website in an hour or so. Is this difficult or unusual? I have no idea. I think she can hack too but I don't want to be around that. I don't see how she could function in a normal setting but she's highly talented.

She'll work furiously for 24-36 hours and then sleep all the next day! Has anyone ever dealt with a Manic-Depressive similar to this. And are her computer skills anything unusual these days? I mean there are many, many high school kids that can do websites but I don't know if they could do them as fast.

Oh yes, issues galore with her BF in Phoenix, but I won't get into that here.

^Those energy swings are typical of type 1 Bi-polars. Manic for extended periods of time and then crashed out for a shorter period of time. Secondary disorders like depression and ADD are very common as well. Lithium requires blood monitoring every 4 - 6 months to check lithium levels in the blood. If she's still having such severe swings then her lithium isn't working properly. Its supposed to counteract the wild swings and stabilize the mood levels. Think of a wave graph with its normal peaks and valleys. The addition of medication should, and I emphasize should, level that out so its a straight line. In many cases this proves impossible no matter how many medications are involved.

Thanks, You seem quite knowledgeable.

I doubt she's taking the lithium at proper doses and is probably not under expert medical care due to no medical treatment access.

What amazes and fascinates me is that when she's in front of a computer she's incredibly focused and productive for long stretches.

Is it common for a type 1 in their manic phase to be extremely productive?

Sometimes when I see her in a world of her own in front of her computer I wish that I could be that focused.

But I definitely understand that type 1 manic depression is not something I want.

The highs of type 1 are almost like being on speed. Just a constant wave of energy and the feeling that you can keep this feeling up and do anything. Focus is generally individual but a computer nerd on an energy high would likely be glued to the screen and able to knock out whatever project was in front of her. Sadly, that's when the bottom usually falls out and you get the periods where you don't leave the house, talk to people, do anything, and sleep all day.

I think this is excellent advice. And, to the OP, I admire your devotion to work through serious issues with someone - they are EXTREMELY lucky to have someone like you in their lives.

Personally, I have an bipolar inlaw who is divorced with a wonderful, smart, and level-headed daughter. My inlaw has not had a relationship in years, but she has the tendency to have a "slash and burn" policy towards friends and acquaintances who have been perceived to slight or betray her. My question to the OP is: how can you avoid being caught in the tempest of your girlfriend's moments when she is so dissociated from reality?

Your greatest obligation, in the end, is to yourself - to make sure this one chance on Earth is as great as you can make it. If the positives and negatives are weighed out and your friend ultimately contributes to your life, then stay with her and reap the extra benefit of making a troubled person's life more stable and meaningful. If she is ultimately a liability to your overall quality of life, then you are unjustly suffering, and the only person to blame is yourself.

I want to echo and elaborate upon a point raised by HORNS and Vito: She isn't the only one in the relationship who has needs, and if can't support you and respond to you then this isn't worth the sacrifice.

It's obvious you really care about this girl, and that she's lucky to have you, but it sounds like she is a little self-centered -- not necessarily in a selfish or malicious way, but rather in that she lacks a certain awareness of other people (namely, you) and their needs. Life can utterly suck at the drop of a hat for anybody, and if she can't forget about her problems long enough to be there for you, and to put you and your issues ahead of everything she's got going on, then this cannot and should not last.

Unilateral support belongs in doctor-patient relationships, not romantic ones.

So, before you take the plunge into a serious commitment with this girl, make sure you're not the only one willing and able to step up. Don't be a martyr.

That said, good luck to you. Keep us posted!

Best,

Kohan

I dated a girl with problems for a very long time. The question you must answer is simple: Are you willing to be there for her when shit hits the fan?

If so, enjoy and you can deal with it. If not, get out now. Really, right now.

I actually think most women and many men are overly self-centered to a neurotic extent... there's just no medical solution for it so it's not a 'disease' per se. They define their lives entirely by their relationships and go to great lengths of irrationality to justify reality. My perspective is that life is something to be transcended by a ceaseless effort to have greater perspective on things and to calm down... for women it's the exact opposite- they form focused little paradigms in their head and suffer great anxiety if it's not realized. We humans are conscious creatures who fully realize we could cease at any moment, yet we exhaust ourselves daily in trivialities we know are trivial... how is that for neurosis?