Please build me a computer (NOT GETTING A MAC UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES)

I literally cannot stand computers. Money isn't much of a concern, honestly. I work on my computer and while I don't know any crazy shit I generally do have many many things going on at once (a lot of video files... porn, art films, dailies, usually a teleconference type thing, music, a lot of internet windows and programs like final draft and Reason - that one can take a lot). So, I'm tired of my laptop being too slow. Can I just buy my way to a computer that can do most of these simple things without waiting for shit to load and whatever? I want to use Windows. I don't understand UNIX or whatever it is, and no I will never get a mac. If I were to buy something with a really fast processor and a ton of ram would the damn thing just do what I ask it to do as soon as I click on it? Very recently my friend came to live with me while he was waiting for his place to be finished and he's a well respected fashion photographer. He has a computer that he used for really high flying video and photo editing and I used it for a day doing all the above things and honestly it worked like a dream. It's overkill for what I need, but it really worked. So can you guys help me buy components or point me to a brand that will make some motherfucker of a computer (I don't need gay graphics capabilities)... just something that will let me type/internet/porn/videos/everything in fucking peace? The security guard downstairs has a son at DePaul doing computer engineering or whatever and I've told him I'll hire the kid to come assemble it... but he isn't around (he's volunteering in Sri Lanka or whatever). Please help me. Thank you, much appreciated.

Someone please design me one of those FU graphics. IM NOT SOME FAGGOT HIPSTER WHO WANTS TO WRITE EMO HAIKUS IN STARBUCKS for fuck sake. This is for a desktop by the way. I have a laptop I can use for when I'm on the move.

1) People told me the best way to get a good computer that works well is to do it yourself so there are no cheap shitty components
2) I didnt know you can upgrade a mac to be a windows thing... and I hate the stupid one mouse button thing. There's a lot of right click functions in final draft that I need to use.

You're absolutely right. People just told me doing it yourself is the best. But as long as this stuff from Dell isn't likely to break because they use shitty parts then I'm fine with the markup.

Do people generally think the parts are good (though I'm sure overpriced?)

I'm ordering one now... just getting through all the useless shit they try to up sell you at the end.

Thanks for your help.

Is norton antivirus a good thing to have? I heard it's bad.