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First date - should the guy always pay for the girl or should you go Dutch?

post #1 of 55
6/8/09 at 10:58am
Thread Starter 

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Edited by merkur - 7/29/11 at 5:13am
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post #2 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:00am
Quote:
Originally Posted by merkur View Post
On first dates, should the guy always pay or should the couple go Dutch?
check the old threads on this issue.
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post #3 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:00am
Depends on the girl.
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post #4 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:03am
If it was her idea then she pays, if it was your idea then you pay. If it was her idea and she doesn't want to pay then you have a fucking case on your hand.
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post #5 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:06am
Just pay. It's a symbol that you're not a cheapskate. You can go dutch everytime after but the first time you pay.
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post #6 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:09am
What do you do when she wants to buy you a drink on the first date? I've had that happen several times.
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post #7 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:10am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Milhouse View Post
What do you do when she wants to buy you a drink on the first date? I've had that happen several times.

Throw it in her face or drink it, the choice is yours. The two options have different probabilities of success.
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post #8 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:14am
i paid for a couple of rounds of drinks, she payed for a couple of rounds of drinks. we both got laid. pay for dinner. let her buy a drink afterwards if she wants.
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post #9 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:15am
Quote:
Originally Posted by texas_jack View Post
Just pay. It's a symbol that you're not a cheapskate. You can go dutch everytime after but the first time you pay.

This.
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post #10 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:15am
Quote:
Originally Posted by TyCooN View Post
If it was her idea then she pays, if it was your idea then you pay. If it was her idea and she doesn't want to pay then you have a fucking case on your hand.

Yeah but that doesn't really work because:

A) Its always "your idea" because guys almost always ask

B) When two girls go out they don't pay based on who's idea it is

Imo go dutch. I don't see why the guy should pay if both people were presumably enjoying themselves equally.
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post #11 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:19am
http://www.styleforum.net/showthread.php?t=40728
i am sure all possibel opinions were stated here
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post #12 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:21am
I'm just saying that having firm rules doesn't always work for the best unless you are dating the type of girls that have the same rules as you.

Being flexible on that kind of thing is better. I never expect to go Dutch, I presume I'll pay. But, there are times when girls have surprised me.

One time when I was younger, I tried to be sly, and give the waiter my credit card when I got up to go to the bathroom, because I knew the girl was going to object to me paying. Girl was mad that I paid like that, and didn't even give her a chance to pay. She was a bit more of the "liberated" type.


The older I get, the more laid back I am about everything.
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post #13 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:51am
Dating is lame anyway, who wants to go to a restaurent to get to know someone.
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post #14 of 55
6/8/09 at 11:54am
I'm going to have to agree that you need to play it by ear every time. Some girls appreciate it when you pay, some do not. There are a few platonic female friends of mine who I'll pay for on a semi-regular basis when we go out, and there are some romantic pursuits where we always split it. I've even had the girl pay on one or two occasions. It just depends. I used to go by the "pay for the first date no matter what" rule but sometimes it just doesn't work.
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post #15 of 55
6/8/09 at 1:44pm
edit: all this is in regards to the FIRST date when i was younger (as in high school and my first couple years in college) i insisted on going dutch. in recent years, i don't even make a motion for my wallet in the purse. years of conditioning with the guy insisting on paying has led me to accept my role as a gracious thanker. only exception was when i dated a pauper phd philosophy student. that first date, i insisted on paying at least my share and continued to do so throughout our relationship. so unless you're a pauper phd student and are earning less than $25k in stipends, i think these days i'd judge you negatively if, when the check came, you weren't automatically reaching for your wallet to pay assuming you asked me out and assuming the relationship was intended to be romantic. and i think the same is true for all my girlfriends who have had years of experience dating. whatever the case for going dutch, a guy who doesn't pay on a first date really just comes off as cheap--end of story. this is problematic in the long run and a bad character trait in general so probably would not want to pursue anything further. in the wise words of TLC, "i don't want no scrubs" :P
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