The WIS in me finds this funny: This watch was on your Daddy's wrist when his plane was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured and put in a North Vietnamese prison camp. Now he knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it'd be confiscated. Taken away. The way your Daddy looked at it, this watch was your birthright. He'd be damned if any slopeheads were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it, in the one place he knew he could hide something; his ass. Five long years he wore this watch, up his ass. Then, just before he died of amoebic dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you. An SF classic: Patrick Bateman: Do you like Huey Lewis and the news? Paul Allen: They're OK. Patrick Bateman: Their early work was a little too new wave for my tastes, but when Sports came out in '83,I think they really came into their own, commercial and artistically. The whole album has a clear, crisp sound, and a new sheen of consimante professionalism that really gives the songs a big boost. He's been compared to Elvis Costello, but I think Huey has a far much more bitter, cynical sense of humour. Paul Allen: Hey Halberstram. Patrick Bateman: Yes, Allen? Paul Allen: Why are their copies of the style section all over the place, d-do you have a dog? A little chow or something? Patrick Bateman: No, Allen. Paul Allen: Is that a rain coat? Patrick Bateman: Yes it is. In '87, Huey released this, Fore, their most accomplished album. I think their undisputed masterpiece is "Hip to be Square", a song so catchy, most people probably don't listen to the lyrics. But they should, because it's not just about the pleasures of conformity, and the importance of trends, it's also a personal statement about the band itself. raises axe above head Patrick Bateman: Hey Paul. he bashes Allen in the head with the axe, and blood splatters over him Patrick Bateman: TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD. YOU, FUCKING BASTARD. Jon.