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Putting Off The Married Life - Page 3

post #31 of 288
^^ Not sure I follow you there, eddyboy. You are pretty much implying that since it is tradition in your culture to legally marry someone you like and have sex with, that you just do it. That's absolutely fine, but don't pretend that your extremely traditional view is some kind of gospel.

Remember, the only difference between what you are advocating and what I am is the legal papers. Don't confuse it with something else. I am not analyzing this part of what you wrote:

"we had fights, we had sex, we had kids, we bought a house, we had sex, we have two cars, we work, we go out, we have sex, we go on vacations, we are planning for the future, we are raising our kids."

You appear to be lumping a legal document validating a marriage with a settled-down family life with a woman.
post #32 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by MetroStyles View Post
^^ Not sure I follow you there, eddyboy. You are pretty much implying that since it is tradition in your culture to legally marry someone you like and have sex with, that you just do it. That's absolutely fine, but don't pretend that your extremely traditional view is some kind of gospel.

Remember, the only difference between what you are advocating and what I am is the legal papers. Don't confuse it with something else. I am not analyzing this part of what you wrote:

"we had fights, we had sex, we had kids, we bought a house, we had sex, we have two cars, we work, we go out, we have sex, we go on vacations, we are planning for the future, we are raising our kids."

You appear to be lumping a legal document validating a marriage with a settled-down family life with a woman.

No, I could have done everything I said without being married and if you choose to, that is fine. My point is that for me it was an emotional decison, possibly a "personal morality" issue. Whatever it turns out for you, fine. But don't approach it like you are deciding between leasing a car or buying because if you do, you are missing the point.
post #33 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by edmorel View Post
My point is that for me it was an emotional decison
It's an interesting point, but adresses only a part of the problem Metro was discussing. You explain why you (and most people) get in a long committed relationship, not why choose the legal form of marriage for it.
post #34 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by MetroStyles View Post
Cat and mouse.

I don't see myself getting married without a prenup. Either I will ask for one, or she will be rich and too smart to not get me to sign one.

I think this is like setting it up to fail. Almost like insurance on a relationship. If I even think I need one I really wouldn't marry her.
post #35 of 288
Really why would you marry?
post #36 of 288
..
post #37 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by kwilkinson View Post
This is stupid.
because you're not capable of being the single man?
post #38 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by TyCooN View Post
because you're not capable of being the single man?

No. Because the reason people get married is obvious, and one would have to be deliberately obtuse to question what the purpose of marriage is.
post #39 of 288
I don't see what this "problem" is, if you want to get married with someone do it, if you do not, don't. What is there to analyze? Tax benefits? community property laws? life expectancy of married men vs. single men? Trying to prove that getting married or just living together is "right" is like trying to prove God exists/does not. Do whatever you feel is right for you and your partner's life. It just seems like very emotionally immature positiion to take to say "I am not going to get married until a do a cost/benefit analysis and figure out what the opportunity costs are"
post #40 of 288
I think marriage is just the natural succession of things, similar to what Ed is saying. It's basically a legal commitment, and I don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe it is just something society has developed and nothing more or less special than a non-legal commitment. Who knows?
post #41 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by randallr View Post
I think marriage is just the natural succession of things, similar to what Ed is saying. It's basically a legal commitment, and I don't see anything wrong with that. Maybe it is just something society has developed and nothing more or less special than a non-legal commitment. Who knows?

shut up, you like men.
post #42 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by edmorel View Post
I don't see what this "problem" is, if you want to get married with someone do it, if you do not, don't. What is there to analyze? Tax benefits? community property laws? life expectancy of married men vs. single men? Trying to prove that getting married or just living together is "right" is like trying to prove God exists/does not. Do whatever you feel is right for you and your partner's life. It just seems like very emotionally immature positiion to take to say "I am not going to get married until a do a cost/benefit analysis and figure out what the opportunity costs are"

I humbly disagree. I think that is a financially mature position to take. The emotional decision is separate - namely, it regards whether or not you would like to spend a long time (perhaps the rest of your life) with this person because you love them and may want to start a family with them. I don't think the two decisions need to come in a bundle.
post #43 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by edmorel View Post
shut up, you like men.

Now legal in some states.
post #44 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by kwilkinson View Post
No. Because the reason people get married is obvious, and one would have to be deliberately obtuse to question what the purpose of marriage is.
Starting a family is entirely possible without having a piece of paper that says you're together with some woman, and people don't need to go through a few ceremonies just to make kids. Besides, look at the divorce rates. People don't take marriage very seriously, nor do they take their words to heart as they exchange marriage vows. I want to jerk off to the idea of true love, too, but the patterns have been moving towards the other end as we head into the future. Anyways, respect reality by accepting that marriage is indeed a joke for most people.
post #45 of 288
Quote:
Originally Posted by MetroStyles View Post
I humbly disagree. I think that is a financially mature position to take. The emotional decision is separate - namely, it regards whether or not you would like to spend a long time (perhaps the rest of your life) with this person because you love them and may want to start a family with them. I don't think the two decisions need to come in a bundle.


Fine, do whatever you want. Just don't ask me to tell you why I got married, money does not matter to me relative to what my concept of "marriage" is.
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