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Importance of sexual attraction in a marriage

post #1 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:35pm
Thread Starter 
Hi guys,

I'm hoping you might share some of your experiences and perspective to help a brother in need.

My marriage is on the verge of divorce, largely due to a lack of intimacy and a sex life that has been virtually nonexistent, going back as far as our time spent dating. I won't bore you with why this has occurred, but I will share that my wife has essentially told me that she's not attracted to me.

My question is to those of you who are in long-term relationships with a vibrant and fulfilling sex life. How do you maintain that high level of excitement with your girlfriend or wife. Is it a gut-level, primal attraction, or is it something more ethereal, something that comes from love and a deep emotional connection?

I've always been a romantic and believed that love would lead to a fulfilling sex life, but this experience has taught me otherwise (at least with this one woman). As I look forward, I want to understand just how important that animal attraction is when I hit the dating scene again.

Thanks in advance.
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post #2 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:38pm
well, for me, i am more attracted to wife than any woman before. with 3 kids, we are good for 3-4 x a week. dunno if it's body chemistry or what, but sex is more important to me than her, but stil important enough to her that it isn;t a problem.

when it comes down to it, sex IMO is one of the most important things in life, after health of family and financial security.

life is too short not to be compatible with someone if most if not all ways.
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post #3 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:39pm
That's rough, man. I've found that I lose that animal attraction for even the most beautiful woman after more than a year of sleeping with her. That said, I still feel very excited with her beyond that point, but it's just not as electric as it is the first few times. I think this is natural.

However, it's not natural to completely stop having sex. You never specified whether you were still interested in the sex? Are you? If so, don't worry about it - nothing is wrong with you.

Good luck.
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post #4 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:46pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking 88 View Post
Hi guys,

I'm hoping you might share some of your experiences and perspective to help a brother in need.

My marriage is on the verge of divorce, largely due to a lack of intimacy and a sex life that has been virtually nonexistent, going back as far as our time spent dating. I won't bore you with why this has occurred, but I will share that my wife has essentially told me that she's not attracted to me.

My question is to those of you who are in long-term relationships with a vibrant and fulfilling sex life. How do you maintain that high level of excitement with your girlfriend or wife. Is it a gut-level, primal attraction, or is it something more ethereal, something that comes from love and a deep emotional connection?

I've always been a romantic and believed that love would lead to a fulfilling sex life, but this experience has taught me otherwise (at least with this one woman). As I look forward, I want to understand just how important that animal attraction is when I hit the dating scene again.

Thanks in advance.

That sucks. Have you really let yourself go physically? What about her? How long have you been married?
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post #5 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:48pm
^you're so sensitive.
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post #6 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:49pm
If it's any consolation, I'm going through the same thing with my gf, only it's the other way around. I'm not attracted to her physically. She's overweight, and not very 'feminine' (she's a feminist, doesn't believe much in makeup or perfume or dressing her best beyond being passable). At first this was refreshing (she's not crazy, that's a plus), but now I miss what I used to have. Her personality is why I've stuck around, but forcing the sex in order to maintain a base level of once or twice a week isn't working. I know life is too short to be missing something that important, but I'm not able to leave yet, I keep hoping things will improve. Did your wife mention what she doesn't find attractive? Can you change it?
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post #7 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by thekunk07 View Post
^you're so sensitive.

??
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post #8 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:50pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking 88 View Post
I won't bore you with why this has occurred, but I will share that my wife has essentially told me that she's not attracted to me.
Usually a symptom of other problems.
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post #9 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:51pm
^just thought the let yourself go thing is funny. every time i'm at the pool in the summer, you can just tell the couples that don;t fuck anymore. each reading their respective book or newspaper, both carrying 20-40lbs more than they did when they got married.

the sad reality is that for most couples, things go to pot and the fire is gone.
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post #10 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:54pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by dah328 View Post
Usually a symptom of other problems.

+1

If you care about her, better try figuring out what the underlying issues are....
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post #11 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:58pm
Sounds like she needs you to show her your strong pimp hand.
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post #12 of 68
5/4/09 at 10:58pm
Pedobaire, it's like you and I have this connection... I really feel something going on between us. Yeah... I'm gonna rape you! It's probably one of the most important things in a relationship, whether marriage or just boyfriend/girlfriend. Compatibility and understanding are paramount, and that includes sexual compatibility.
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post #13 of 68
5/4/09 at 11:00pm
best advice yet.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Piobaire View Post
Sounds like she needs you to show her your strong pimp hand.
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post #14 of 68
5/4/09 at 11:00pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by thekunk07 View Post
^just thought the let yourself go thing is funny. every time i'm at the pool in the summer, you can just tell the couples that don;t fuck anymore. each reading their respective book or newspaper, both carrying 20-40lbs more than they did when they got married.

the sad reality is that for most couples, things go to pot and the fire is gone.

How do you get them to lose the extra 40? Accidentally the wrong hole?
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post #15 of 68
5/4/09 at 11:01pm
you leave. they'll catch on. my wife is allowed a +/- 5lb window
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