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Need advice: my gf has poor grammar - Page 6

post #76 of 88
4/12/09 at 10:14pm
You guys must understand that languages are constantly evolving. For example: the word Made is actually slang for the more proper Maked. and the word Had is actually slang for the word Haved. Look it up. (Steven Pinker, the Language Instinct) Also, I love gangster bitches. But, its a lot nicer if they talk street out on the street, and are able to speak more 'properly' when the situation calls for it. Such as in a nice restuarant. You need to have two modes. One for the office, and one for the street. I think everyone does, whether they admit to it or not. If not, then they might just be ignant.
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post #77 of 88
4/12/09 at 11:56pm
^^Agreed. A lot of misinformation in this thread, most saliently,
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Smith View Post
She speaks that way because she is she is poorly educated, stupid or she thinks it is cool to use substandard English.
The first two explanations are complete and utter bullshit. Her accent (phonological properties) and "grammar" (morphosyntactic properties) are a product of the environment in which she was raised. Notice that this has jack shit to do with higher education or intelligence. The third explanation is possible. If she thinks her accent carries some type of "prestige" (street cred, showing solidarity etc.), she might favor that system. However, it isn't "sub" standard English in the sense that it's an inferior dialect; it's a dialect that isn't spoken by the elite, and is therefore looked down upon by clueless language purists. @OP, I recommend you try to get her to adopt "Two modes. One for the office, and one for the street." Her accent isn't wrong per se, but you guys will end up being judged and that obviously makes you uncomfortable.
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post #78 of 88
4/13/09 at 12:49am
Quote:
Originally Posted by bach View Post
The first two explanations are complete and utter bullshit. Her accent (phonological properties) and "grammar" (morphosyntactic properties) are a product of the environment in which she was raised. Notice that this has jack shit to do with higher education or intelligence.

Exactly. The way she's learned to speak has absolutely no reflection on her intelligence.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bach View Post
@OP, I recommend you try to get her to adopt "Two modes. One for the office, and one for the street." Her accent isn't wrong per se, but you guys will end up being judged and that obviously makes you uncomfortable.

Asking her to change who she is to make you feel more comfortable probably won't fly very well, so cut things off before they go any further is you think that it's a deal breaker for you.
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post #79 of 88
4/13/09 at 12:59am
Meh, it depends on how closely she identifies with her dialect; you're not necessarily asking her to "change who she is". In my opinion, if she's living in a community where most people speak standard English, she'll probably assimilate to some degree but continue to use her native accent with family and old friends. I wish I could justify that with empirical evidence, but I haven't gotten that deep into sociolinguistics yet.
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post #80 of 88
4/13/09 at 12:34pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by bach View Post
@OP, I recommend you try to get her to adopt "Two modes. One for the office, and one for the street." Her accent isn't wrong per se, but you guys will end up being judged and that obviously makes you uncomfortable.
Absolutely ridiculous advice. Accent and grammar are not the same. Reread the original post. It may upset your touchy feely sensibilities, but her grammar is wrong and it is substandard. That is not to say that she does not have good qualities and talents in certain areas. For example, she may be quite accomplished at hiding small objects on her body and of crafting weapons from toiletry items. We all have different talents and those talents should be celebrated!
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post #81 of 88
4/13/09 at 2:22pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steve Smith View Post
Absolutely ridiculous advice.

Accent and grammar are not the same. Reread the original post.

It may upset your touchy feely sensibilities, but her grammar is wrong and it is substandard.

LoL, being a self-certified language purist/grammar nazi does not a linguist make you.
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post #82 of 88
4/13/09 at 3:46pm
living in the south destroys your grammar in short order
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post #83 of 88
4/13/09 at 4:27pm
Thread Starter 
@bach: Thanks for the advice. It bears a bit more weight given your avatar!

And thanks to everyone else for the ideas.

Now that I've spent a bit more time with her, it really doesn't bother me too much. For now, I'll keep on doing nothing and maybe she'll start to notice... If the relationship gets more serious, then I'll just have to tell her.
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post #84 of 88
5/3/09 at 3:49am
Thread Starter 
UPDATE: So I've been kind of correcting some of her more blatant and irregular grammar miscues (like the random double negative)--but in a teasing way. (Basically throwing them back at her--and yes, I guess that's making fun of her but that makes her correct herself.) Finally, she catches on and asks why I "make fun of" how she talks. ("Not all the time..." I reply )

Surprisingly, she follows up with: "Ok then correct me all the time." Befuddled, I refuse. I think that would just be awkward and lame. But now I can finally bring up any major mistake without her taking it the wrong way. (Goodbye "seen," hello "saw!")

So far, so good, I guess...
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post #85 of 88
5/3/09 at 6:49am
Is it because it bugs you or does it cause you to be embrassed when others hear her?
If you love her I'd try not to beat her down all the time over it, because as she begins to realize what you are doing she will start to feel uncomfortable around you.
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post #86 of 88
5/3/09 at 4:52pm
If she only uses her poor grammar at home or when drunk around friends, I would let it slide. If she does it in resturants, when meeting new people, in business negotiations, or basically any time you're wearing a sport coat, then it might be time to




Aside - "Other side of the tracks" did imply African-American to me as well; but I have lived in several towns were the railroad tracks were the physical division between racially segregated neighborhoods.
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post #87 of 88
5/4/09 at 3:23am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roikins View Post
You let your girlfriend speak? That's your problem right there. You need a girl like Nova from the original "Planet of the Apes" -- good to look at and can't say a word.

+1
Nova was the perfect woman.


My input on this....
Remember the reason you wanted to be with her in the first place.
Remember those first moments/days/weeks.
This is who she is. Plain, simple, and beautiful.

If you do the 'My Fair Lady' process, she may well respond,
only she also may, with her new vocabulary, attract wealthier men,
and think herself too refined and intelligent for you..!
Oh yes...this can happen.

I say leave her the way she is, love her..marry her..make babies, and live happily ever after.
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post #88 of 88
5/4/09 at 7:51pm
I have dated girls with poor grammer before and it doesn't get any better. Our relationships never really got to the point either where I felt comfortable correcting them so my advice to you is to probably move along if it is bothering you now. It isn't going to get worse, it just isn't going to change; unless, you have the balls to start correcting her.

EDIT: Should have read the entire thread before posting, whoops! Good luck!!
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