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Workplace Romance Advice

post #1 of 51
3/4/09 at 1:38am
Thread Starter 
ok, i've completely fallen for someone at work.

situation:

software company in greater LA area. me - manager of professional services group. her - writer in user education. so she's in a completely different division and there would never be the chance of me being her boss.

if this was any other situation (bar, club, etc.), i'd have asked her out by now. but i am a little concerned about office politics, esp. if the feelings aren't mutual and she says 'no'.

so far it's been a lot of IM-based flirting.

damn, how the f*ck did i get myself into this?

advice on how to proceed oh love gurus of the SF?

-Jeff
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post #2 of 51
3/4/09 at 1:42am
ABORT ABORT It's a TARP!!!!!!!
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post #3 of 51
3/4/09 at 1:43am
Don't do it and stop the flirting. It doesn't matter if she is in a different dept. - you are a manager at the company and that is inappropriate.
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post #4 of 51
3/4/09 at 1:51am
if youre in a different department then go. i try to stay away because it would be so akward for me if shit went bad and i had to see the person all the time at work. how often do you guys see eachother? if its once a week at work etc then go, if its every day it could be akward. why dont you throw out an invite nothing serious, see what she says. something like oh im going here tonight its going to be crazy, you ever been? she says no or yes etc, then be like oh you should just come out itll be fun. n see how it goes.
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post #5 of 51
3/4/09 at 1:55am
As someone who recently crash and burned with an office romance, don't do it, if it doesn't work, it can be hard to deal with the awkwardness afterwards. But it's fun for a while, trying to be all secretive, sneaking off to lunch, surprising her by buying Starbucks, food, etc. As for office politics, what kind of office do you have? Is everyone a bunch of gossiping tighwads? You'd be in trouble. I had a very supportive and casual workplace so I was lucky.

If you must, you just start it off like any other relationship, ask them out to coffee, dinner, movie, etc.
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post #6 of 51
3/4/09 at 2:24am
I've done it a few times...hasn't bit me in the ass yet, but it does get a little bit awkward. Not sure if I can say it would be a good idea either way. If you are just looking for a bit of ass, maybe it would be better to err on the side of caution. If you really like her, I'd go for it.
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post #7 of 51
3/4/09 at 2:55am
It makes going to work a lot more exciting, but really, don't do it, or you'll live to regret it
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post #8 of 51
3/4/09 at 2:59am
Do her on the copy machine.
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post #9 of 51
3/4/09 at 9:20am
Here is the advice I was given.

http://www.styleforum.net/showthread.php?t=82109

It was not worth it, ended up losing a pretty good friend.

But I should add to the list of things she has done recently though....
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post #10 of 51
3/4/09 at 9:35am
You should ask her to lunch and out to happy hour with a group. I wouldn't sweat that you're co-workers too much. I read somewhere that 40% of couples since 2000 met each other at work.
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post #11 of 51
3/4/09 at 10:33am
This is a really tough one. My girlfriend and I met at work so obviously I'd recommend it in certain situations. We worked in a place with about 1,000 people. We knew of plenty of co-workers who dated and my gf and I worked in separate buildings. Before I asked her out we had been writing long getting to know each other emails, so I was pretty sure that I would be interested in her as more than just someone to date for a bit.

How does this apply to you? I'd consider how large your workplace is and if you know of other people dating there. In some offices it is kosher and in some it really isn't and you probably have a feel for that. Also if you aren't sure if she's interested I'd tastefully flirt for a bit longer until you have a better grasp on the situation. And consider the worst case scenario: things go really really badly. How often would you run into her?
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post #12 of 51
3/4/09 at 11:10am
Touchy situation. You are lucky she doesn't work in the same group as you. However that doesn't mean much if it's a staff of 50 people (small offices and relationships gone sour is a terrible combination for all involved including your coworkers who will inevitably get sucked into your shit). If it's a bigger firm and you two already rarely interact with each other professionally, then you could go for it. Invite her out for drinks with other coworkers and flirt in person and see how things develop from there.
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post #13 of 51
3/4/09 at 11:12am
Tap that ass ASAP.
Not sure what the HR policies are for office relationships at your company, but I would say go for it. I met my current gf of 3yrs at work so I guess I am a tad biased.
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post #14 of 51
3/4/09 at 11:47am
I will share with you a life lesson I learned in military basic training..."you should never sh*t where you eat!" It just never seems to work and you will both end up as losers in the equation.
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post #15 of 51
3/4/09 at 12:43pm
Stop the IM flirting and ask her to lunch. Be clear you're "asking her to lunch" to get any awkwardness out of the way. And have a quick check of the HR policies.
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