WAYWRN Looks Gone Wrong: Photographs Cropped to Protect the Guiltyâ„¢
Issue 2: March 2009
Welcome to the sophomore[onic] issue of WAYWRN Looks Gone Wrong: Photographs Cropped to Protect the Guiltyâ„¢. In this little corner of the Internet, we good naturedly examine some of the wrong turns, dead ends, and over the cliff sartorial trips made on the WAYWRN thread of the Men's Clothing sub-forum of StyleForum. Most WAYWRN photographs crop the head to protect the innocent; here, we crop more to protect the guilty.
Do you smell something?
I do...[sniff, sniff]...
Laissez les bons temps rouler:
As we learned in the premier issue of LGW, WAYWRN is a distinctly lavatory-centered activity. The shame of posters usually pushes them into the realm of the public lavatory, away from family, friends, and the police. Artful practitioners, however, bring the public lavatory experience home. What is remarkable about the photograph above is the innovation of the public toilet stall...the double roll dispenser...brought right into the home environment. As a father of a toddler, I have witnessed astoninishly high turd-to-bodyweight numbers...but how high must that be to require two active rolls of tissue right at hand?
The answer? Really high.
More is Less:
Oh, those Italians. So carefree. "
Say Mambo, Mambo Italiano, say Mambo..!" Sprezzatura, baby...we mere mortals, bereft of la dolce vita, crave it. The Italian aristo will subconciously practice it...undone button on a button down shirt there, maybe a watch worn on a shirtcuff ("Mama mia, how did it get there?") and of course, delicately made, unlined leather gloves in the breast pocket of an overcoat. You know, instead of a pocket square.
But oven mitts? That takes both an SF WAYWRN poster and almost superhuman stuffing strength.
WAYWRN: the Musical! [curtain rises, prelude begins]
Dem BonesOhhhhhhh...the hip bone!
is connected to the...thigh bone..!
The thigh bone is connected to the...
knee bone...!
The knee bone is connected to the...to the...?
to the...?
Boner-bone??
[Narrator's voiceover]
"First, there was the Segway. Then the SmartCar. Now, in WAYWRN: The Musical!, we present the immortal words of Steppenwolf!"
Get your motor runnin'
Head out on the highway
Lookin' for adventure
And whatever comes our way
Yeah Darlin' go make it happen
Take the world in a love embrace
Fire all of your guns at once
And explode into space
BORN TO BE WIIILLD!
[rousing chorus of America the Beautiful ends the show]
Teh Penis:
We still live in a male dominated society, at least here on StyleForvm if not in reality. It does not surprise me that
Teh Penis is becoming a reccuring column here on Looks Gone Wrongâ„¢. Gentlemen, say hello to my little friend:
The BulgeHatâ„¢, developed in close cooperation among all StyleForvm-affiliated virtual vendors in a three hour project much like the Manhattan Project, is exactly what the Senior Member needs when seated. Zip fly or button fly: if you've got the goods, you need The Hat: the BulgeHatâ„¢.
Looks Gone Wrong Foodâ„¢ and Drink Column:Food:
Drink:
Looks Gone Wrong ThinkPieceâ„¢: Internet AnomalynonousimityPart 1: The Slice of Doom
Get out your magnifying glasses, pull up a chair, and spend the most illuminating hour of your life trying to grasp the scope of the Slice of Doom. In the Slice of Doom, we take a narrow, horizontal view of a vertical photograph. This month? Collateral Damage:
Most WAYWRN posters are quite shy. We lop off heads. We swirl faces. We blot out expressions. But...just our own:
Friends? Lovers? Brothers? Brother and sister? We will never know...but we do know what the WAYWRN poster's friend looks like. Bravo!
Part 2: He who watches. He who waits.
For every active WAYWRN poster there are a hundred SF posters. For every ten thousand SF posters there are three FilmnoirBuff.com posters using eight aliases. For every photo that appears in Looks Gone Wrong, a small furry animal is trapped into captivity.
But within all these important numbers, there is one abiding Truth: someone is watching you.
Until next month, adieu.
- B
