There was a guy who used to drive a Lamborghini Murcielago to grad school in Ohio. From what I heard second hand, he was a really nice guy, made some money, and decided he wanted to go back to school for a PhD of some sort.
$2,000 won't get you into a mutual fund as those are usually $3,000 minimum. If you want to park your money so you are in the stock market, consider the ticker SPY as it is an ETF that tracks with the S&P 500. You basically own fractional shares of every company in the S&P 500. The S&P is also used as a benchmark against returns for pretty much any portfolio as you could have just bought the SPY and earned that percentage over a measurable period.
You can then...
If you are having a son, diaper changing becomes a game of chance. If I change his diaper, what are the chances I will get peed on? On a watch related baby note, I have found the clasp on my watch catches on some of his outfits so adjusting holding positions can be tricky.