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Posts by Samovar McGee

My plan for 2012: All new trouser purchases will be Mabitex. No compromises.
Ghastly.
One time, I won a Valvoline go-cart from the local Wal-Mart. I tricked it out with a spoiler, LED undercarriage, and some sick rims. But when I took it down Route 9, the State Police stopped me, and told me it wasn't roadworthy. They gave me a huge fine, too! What kind of shit is that!
Gentlemen: In my years of lurking, I couldn't help but notice that many of you express grave concerns about excessive shoe creasing. And I can understand why; I have spent many a night tossing and turning, agonizing over the creased state of my Loake seconds. I asked myself: Are they the correct length? Heel girth? Are they creasing correctly? The worry became too much to bear, and I started to place my new purchases in a china cabinet that I inherited from my...
I tried to put an ice cube in my chianti, and my sommelier almost fainted.
He used the paper to open and close the stall door, apparently. He is so germaphobic that he doesn't want to touch the latch.
This truly is a blessed day; a historic day. A day of infamy and closure. Now we can all move on with our lives, and begin rebuilding.
This. I share a last name with the head honcho of my company's payroll department. People call me all the time to bring up grievances. My last name sounds similar to someone else's; he handles telecom, and vendors are always calling me, trying to sell me on some crap.
I'm not a tall man, but I am stout. I try to use this to my advantage (read: save money) by buying Big and Tall shorts. They fit me much in the way pants would.
Upon visit, I pay my faithful servant three dollars, and sit on a high-backed throne which rests upon the backs of the countless vermin I have conquered. Drawing out three jars carved of fine jade, filled with rare oils from the forgotten reaches of the land, my manservant begins anointing my sabatons, and buffs them thereafter in a clockwise, then counter-clockwise fashion with a freshly-tanned chamois cloth. As he does this, I look about the room at my rivals, and...
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